Acacia
by Lynda Loyde
Summary: Beatrice seals a deal with her only relative, her stepmother Jeanine, and finds herself working for the Eaton household as Teresa Brasen. Just when she thought that she is going to have a better life, her nightmares return to haunt her day and night. And when she seeks comfort, it seems like she can only find it in the hands of a certain blue-eyed man...
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p><span><strong>PROLOGUE<strong>

"But daddy, I'm cold!" the little 10 years old boy whined.

"Then snuggle in your blanket. Please, Caleb", Andrew sighed. He promised his wife to tuck the kids in bed after leaving her to deal with their son and twin daughters, Hannah and Helen for the day.

"Andrew, are you sure you can handle this?" His wife asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Yes honey now stop worrying about it", Andrew snapped. He really did not mean to, but at times like this, he can't help but get frustrated very easily - with one whiny boy and two mischievous twins. Andrew saw a flash of brunette hair from the corner of his eyes and he immediately knew that that is Hannah, up to something with her twin sister. However, he was surprised to see the smaller blonde lying still, tucked deeply in her bed.

"Come on, I'll take care of Caleb. You chase that naughty little rascal", Natalie, Andrew's wife whispered in his ear as she placed a hand on Andrew's forearm, effectively calming him down.

"Thanks honey", Andrew said as he gave a quick but thankful peck on Natalie's soft, pink lips. "I can't wait to get deeper into those", he whispered huskily to Natalie, eyeing her lips with longing eyes.

"Later Andrew", Natalie laughed and shook her head as she shove him away.

"You're not going to catch me!" Hannah's laughter ringed in the room.

"You won't be having any ice cream when we go to the park tomorrow if you don't get in bed this instance."

"You're no fun daddy", Hannah pouted as she marches to the queen sized bed she shares with Helen and crawls in.

"I love you", Andrew whispers as he placed a kiss on Helen's and Hannah's forehead.

"love you too", Hannah yawned. before she turns to her side and hugs Helen like she won't let go. Andrew smiled. Even though they don't look similar, they are so close that nothing can separate them. He wondered what will happen if they have to separate one day. Both of his girls have such soft hearts, being innocent and naïve, he was worried of how easily they might get a mental breakdown. He hoped that that they will grow up to be strong women. He looked at Natalie who was still trying to talk Caleb to sleep.

"Caleb, big boy, what's wrong?" Andrew questioned as he sat down at the edge of Caleb's bed.

"I'm afraid", Caleb whispered shyly.

"Afraid of what?"

"Going to Dreamland..."

"What's wrong with Dreamland?"

"Well, what if I find it fun in there and I won't come back here. Who will take care of Hannah and Helen?"

Andrew pondered into the green eyes of his son. "If you go to Dreamland while holding on to Hannah and Helen, I'm sure that you will stay together." He picked up Caleb and placed him beside Hannah. "Come on. I'm sure you will be fine. Sleep tight big boy."

He kissed his son on the forehead and walked slowly to Natalie, wearing a mischievous smirk on his face. Natalie smiled knowingly as Andrew placed his arms around her small waist. He tucked a stray strand of blonde hair which came out of its neat bun behind her ears. Placing a hand behind her head, he gazed into the blue-grey eyes which he adores. Only one of their children inherited her beautiful eyes, blonde hair and petite figure- Helen Beatrice Prior.

Slowly, he leaned down, closing the gap between them and brushed his lips on hers. Natalie pressed her lips firmly on his and they shared a strong and passionate kiss. She always have a lot of passion firing out of her during these moments- and he love it.

However, they were interrupted by the sounds of a loud cough, sniffles and desperate gasps for air from the kids' bed. Andrew hurriedly advanced to the bed and saw Helen gasping for air. He touched Helen's forehead and realised that she is heating up.

"Natalie, I think I need to bring her to the clinic. She's seriously heating up", Andrew said as he put on his t-shirt which had somehow disappeared a few minutes ago. He carefully untangled Helen from Hannah and cradled her. "Will you be fine?"

"It's okay. We'll be fine. Hurry but be careful. You don't want anything bad to happen", Natalie said while, obviously, still trying to regain her composure from their previous heated session by putting her hair back in its previous bun and trying to fix her crumpled shirt which had ridden up with a flushed face. Andrew smirked at Natalie and kissed her on the cheek before running down the stairs to the porch of their little house and speeded to the nearest clinic.

Two hours later, Andrew drove back home with Helen buckled up in the passenger seat. Although the doctor said that Helen is only suffering from a common cold, he wasn't sure why Helen was heating up so fast. However, he prescribed Helen to take some paracetamol just in case her fever gets to made sure that Andrew has Helen's inhaler just in case she suffers from another asthma attack.

Helen suddenly started gasping for air, panting heavily. Andrew can see the drops of sweat sweaping down her forehead. "Helen! Helen honey! What's wrong?"

The traffic light went red and Andrew quickly faced Helen and checked her temperature. She is heating up even more.

She started screaming. She was screaming and screaming, calling for her twin sister, Hannah. Andrew didn't know what to do with the hyperventilating Helen. All he knew was to get home as quick as possible and get the twins back together. The twins sometimes get panicked and unease when they are separated, what more when they weren't feeling well. But none of them had went into hyperventilation.

Andrew was so worried that he barely heard the wailing siren of the fire engines that were asking him to move aside and skipped most of the red lights. He took the quickest route home, but as he was about to arrive, he realised why Helen was panicking, desperately calling for Hannah...

His house is burning in flames- and Hannah is in there.

As he saw his home, it felt like the whole world had shattered down. Convinced that his loved ones must have survived, he went to the firefighters and asked them where are his wife, son and daughter. The firefighters gave him the answer he never ever wanted to listen, they shook their heads and said that they are sorry that they failed to save them.

He did not want to believe one single bit of what was happening but alas, he knew it is true. His dearest Natalie, Caleb and Hannah are not going to come back from Dreamland...

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><p><strong>AN: I am planning this to be quite a long novel, but I am not sure how to write the summary for a story which I haven't been able to properly see what's coming next. So, I most probably am going to break the story into a few novels. Like a series or something. Opinions?**


	2. Chapter 1: The Deal

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>"Beatrice, mother is looking for you," my roommate, Susan calls for me from the doorway of our room.<p>

I hate it when Jeanine instructs all of us to call and refer to her as mother. She claims that it psychologically helps you to forget about your bad past or what she actually means, your dead family. The problem is, it is the present which I am dreading and wishing to forget about. Yes, I still suffer from nightmares about the... incident when I was six. But I would never want to forget about my mother, brother, father and Hannah.

Susan could sense my anger as she bows her head down in apology for calling Jeanine Matthews our mother. Guilt immediately washes over me and I decide to calm the tension between us, "The mother who has hundred kids and doesn't know what to do. She made oatmeal cookies which she thinks are nice. Then send her kids to sell them at a neck-breaking price."

Susan clutches her stomach as she laughs at my joke. Susan and I are practically sisters, with a very awkward past. She ended up here because her family died in a car crash a few months after my house burnt down. She came here with her elder brother but he was adopted just a few months later. We had some bumps in the road, but we helped each other around. And so we try to ignore the awkwardness between us and just think about helping each other venture the unknown future.

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><p>I knock on the mahogany door and wait for a reply. I hear a sharp "enter" and I slowly open the door.<p>

I sit on the blue office chair in front of Jeanine's desk. And patiently wait for her to begin addressing me; she is currently busying herself with the stack of papers scattered on her table.

"I've thought about your suggestion you gave me the other day", Jeanine finally says.

"Suggestion?" I ask.

"To cut all strings attached between us, have you forgotten?"

**_A week ago... _**

_"I thought that I've made myself clear that you are to return everyday at 6 o'clock sharp with at least $200 amount of sales." Says the blonde lady in her uniform dark blue coat and pencil skirt. _

_I grit my teeth in annoyance and stare at the lady in front of me with a placid face. Is she seriously expecting me to sell the same plain oatmeal cookies to the same customer every day, at a price of $10 per small paper bag and earn $200 dollars? _

_She challenges my stare, but pushes her glasses further up her nose; an obvious sign of discomfort. "I am not going to have any more of these problems. I am done of all these disrespectful manners and undisciplined ways of yours." _

_"Look. If I am such a burden for you, why don't we just cut off all strings attached between the two of us." I've wanted to leave this orphanage of Miss Matthews ever since my father passed away. Susan suggested that I just keep some of my sales money to buy some tickets, then run off to somewhere far and look for a job or something; but things are not that simple for me. _

_Being my entrusted guardian, or in other words, my step-mother, Jeanine is like my parent to the law and if I am reported missing, the government will be looking for me and will send me straight back to Jeanine. What more with the reputation she has as the best scientist of America who left all her luxuries to help the little community of the Buffalo Mountain and help orphans earn a living, no one will believe my words if I say that she is a cruel and selfish woman. Many would just say that I am being ungrateful for the new family I have. _

"So what conclusion have you come to?" I ask with a little hope in my voice. Jeanine have never wanted to let me go before this. She wants to take care and groom the only daughter of Andrew Prior, the man who saved her dignity. However, I've known for a long time that that was never her sincere intentions. She had other ulterior motives out of it, reputation, wealth.. She never even took full care of me.

"I have decided that I will cut all strings between us in three conditions."

This takes me by surprise. She is going to cut all strings between us... She must be up to something... "And they are?"

"One, you are to change your identity to this Teresa Brasen", she lays out a folder in front of me and opens it to reveal the fake birth certificate and other similar documents. Apparently, 'my parents' died during the hurricane Katrina and I had been living with my aunt and uncle since then. However, my aunt and uncle decided to move to Australia where they died in a plane crash.

"The girl really existed. She died in the plane crash along with her aunt and uncle though. But since no one recorded her death, I've decided that this would be your perfect new identity."

I smirk at Jeanine. She really knows how to play the game. It can't be an accident that no one recorded this Teresa's death just a week ago. Jeanine must have played a role in this scheme.

"What other conditions are there?" I ask while flipping through the papers in front of me; stoping to read whatever which catches my interest

"You are to never mention anything about being in Matthews's Girls or even the Buffalo Mountains. I've cut all strings attached between us which is a wrongful thing to do by law since you are still an underage and I am your guardian. Therefore, I've decided to create a cover up for your disappearance."

"And that is?"

With a mischievous smile, she proudly announces, "You were killed while trying to run away from the Buffalo Mountains. Kidnapped, raped and killed in a train which you broke into as you were on your way to the New York Union Station."

My jaw drops. How could she disgrace me and my family's name this low? Doing illegal things, then raped and... Uggh!

Jeanine smiles 'sweetly' at me as I clench my jaw.

"And the last condition?"

"You will be working for the mayor of Whiting."

"Mayor of Whiting?"

Jeanine nods. "As what will you be, I dare not say but you will be working for him. I've finalised the document with him this morning and you are now a part of his property."

"What?! Like he owns me?"

"Exactly my dear."

This is too much. First, disgrace me and my family's name. Now, she is just throwing me into another prison where I will have to be bound 24/7 to as I am apparently owned by this Mayor of Whiting. I still do not understand why is her hatred for me this bad.

Taking in a deep breathe, I make a quick decision. "Alright", I say nodding. It's a deal.

Jeanine smiles. "Now, it's time for you to die and be reincarnated into this Teresa Brasen.

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><p><strong>AN: I should update this story only once every week so that I have ample of time to juggle between chores, study, NaNoWriMo and editing the chapters I've written. But seeing that the amount of follows, favourites and reviews are keep on rising day by day, I just have to update it TWO days earlier :P**

**Thanks for all the support guys!**


	3. Chapter 2: Mrs Eaton

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent or Peter Petrelli.**

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><p>I step onto the brick pavement of the side-walk, pulling the handle of my trunk with me. The train station is just a small wooden building painted in a nice orange colour.<p>

I've always dreamed of living in a boom town when I was smaller. I wanted to know how is life like in a town where people are crowded, traffics are heavy. I wanted to experience the thrill, the dangers of it. My mom promised to bring me to a boom town someday when I grow older and they've earned enough money. It is somehow ironic how her death does causes me to go to a boom town when I am older.

As the train arrives, I quickly hop into it and take a window seat as far away from the other people as possible. As the old train whistles out its departure, I watch as the Buffalo Mountains grows smaller and smaller as the train leaves for the low lands...

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><p>The trip to the Chicago Union Station takes about 18 hours. Stepping out of the train, I am quickly greeted by the thick atmosphere and cramped feeling of crowded people and car honks. Ahh... So this is how it feels like. It is quite suffocating actually.<p>

It only takes about 29 minutes for the train to take me from the Chicago Union Station to the Hammond Whiting Amtrak. Over here, the atmosphere is less dense and it is quite calming. Of course the calming effect you get is not as good as the calming effect which you could achieve when you sit on a wide open field on the Buffalo Mountains. I guess I'll have to adapt to it...

Jeanine instructed me to wait for a Mrs. Eaton, the wife of the Mayor of Whiting at the train station. Finding a tourist brochure of Chicago, I decide to pick one up and skim through it. I am looking at the photos of some bird park in Whiting when I see a picture of a black bird. An American Crow. It looks so similar to the raven on my necklace from my parents. My hand travels up to my neck as I take a look at it. The only reminder of my family I have.

My mom and dad separated a heart locket with three ravens in flight embossed on it into three different lockets and gave one to each of us, Caleb, Hannah and me.

"You have a nice necklace"

I look up to see a woman, probably in her fourties looking down at me. A long scar stretches across her face, much like the one 'future Peter Petrelli' had. Her Latino, angular face is decorated with a welcoming smile. I can't help but smile back.

"Umm, thanks. It's from my mom- and my dad." I stammer out.

"It's gorgeous. You're from Matthews's Girls aren't you? Teresa Brasen?"

I cringe at the name but nod a reply to her and eye her suspiciously. How does she knows that name? The woman laughs to which I recoil and she says, "Don't worry. I'm Johanna Eaton. My husband, Marcus Eaton, is the one who hired you.

"Oh, I am really sorry that I didn't notice."

"Nothing to be sorry about. Come on, let's get you home." Mrs. Eaton says with a smile.

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><p>A black car breaks in front of us and a driver steps out of it. I give my luggage to the driver who helps us into the car and soon find myself being driven out of the parking lot.<p>

The driver drives in to a street labelled as 'Olive Street'. I take in the scenery of the decent Whiting neighbourhood; common one story bungalows painted in white and grey paints with red or black roofs line the streets, each having a nice and well kept lawn in front of them. There are at least one community centre for each block of houses.

As we approach a black metal gate, the driver steps out of the car and speaks through an intercom.

"Mr. Eaton didn't want all these expensive and sophisticated gadgets which can help ensure safety. However, our house was broken into a few times last year and our son, Tobias was almost killed once."

"He decided that the price of losing his loved once is much more important than his reputation of a modest living mayor, so to speak", butts in the driver with a teasing smile as he enters the car again and drives in through the tall black gate.

Mrs. Eaton gives a light laugh, "Something like that."

The gate reveals a modest but elegant Victorian house. It was painted in several colours, ranging between white to dark grey, each colour complementing each other and highlighting each detail of the well designed house.

"I came from Columbia-Tusculum in Cincinnati where the houses are all the brightly coloured Painted Ladies. When I moved in here in Whiting, Marcus wanted to make me feel at home. So he hired an architect team from San Francisco to design and build a Victorian house for me."

"That's sweet", I smile. "The colours aren't as bright as the ones I usually see though."

"Well, Marcus wants to keep his reputation as a kind, selfless but in the same time very strict mayor. A brightly coloured house would probably make him seem too happy and cheery. He decided on these colours because these are our son's favourites."

"He must be a very nice husband and father."

"Well... He can be. He is getting better at it. Not only towards us, but also towards himself."

Seeing Mrs. Eaton's frown and reluctance to answer, I try to hold my tongue from slipping out the questions which arises after her last statement. However, the curiosity in me gets the better of me and before I could hold myself back, I ask, "What do you mean?"

Mrs. Eaton pinches her lips together. She opens her mouth to say something, but a twinkling ringing tune interrupts her. Mrs. Eaton reaches into her leather black Bulgari handbag and brings out a golden iPhone 5s.

I tune out her conversation and take in the scene in front of me. It looks modest. Not like what one would expect from a very rich mayor. There are neatly kept flower bushes along both sides of the driveway leading to the front door. A few sprinklers could be seen on the green mowed grass and a few flower bushes and sweet little flowering plants decorate the lawn. It is simple, nothing too much, but pretty and tidy.

As the car breaks in front of the front door, I step out and take in the view in front of me; simple, yet elegant. Whoever designed this house must be a genius.

I slowly tag along Mrs. Eaton as she fumbles with her house keys, trying to jam it in the keyhole while holding up her phone to her left ear with her left shoulder.

"Wait a minute", Mrs. Eaton says to her caller as she touches the hold symbol on her phone screen. As we enter the house, Mrs. Eaton tells me to look for the first house on the left side of the staircase.

I swing the white door open and am greeted by a single sized bed in white cotton covers with two plushy pillows on top of it, a tall white wardrobe, a white dresser and a white door; supposedly leading to a bathroom. There is a sliding door which leads to a balcony with cream coloured curtain tied to its sides.

I place my trunk at the side of the door and slump onto the bed- my bed. Despite being literally owned by a rich man and having no clue as to when I'll be freed, I have the feeling that my life here will be much better than what I had in Matthews's Girls; and I am not sure if I should be surprised of that fact.

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><p><strong>AN: So yeah... Another 'introductory chapter' with nothing much happening, but **I promise that things will start to rise in the next chapter ;) ******And I really hope you guys can leave your feedbacks by review or PM. They help me improve my writing.**

**Btw, check out the song 'Boom Town' sang by The New Seekers and written by the super awesome Peter Doyle. _Yes, I'm a die-hard fan of him._ It's the song which inspires the whole first section of this story.**


	4. Chapter 3: Flashback

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>Dinner yesterday was a normal affair. Mrs. Eaton said that she had some things to attend to, Mr. Eaton wasn't at home and wouldn't be till tomorrow afternoon. Apparently, they have a son.<p>

Tobias is his name.

He is also the guy who called Mrs. Eaton when we arrived home yesterday.

And he is also coming home today night on a train, all the way from New Jersey for he is studying computer programming in Princeton University. That is where he is also going to spend the last half of the summer holidays this year. Being brought up with a dad who have forced him into volunteer works, Tobias voluntarily signed up to be a part of the counsellor team for the Princeton University's Summer Camp for its four last weeks.

"Sometimes, the things which you were forced to do for years turns into a way of life", was what Mrs. Eaton said last night. "That is the reason why Marcus forced him into all of the volunteer works. He wants him to grow up as a man who will enjoy volunteering himself for such activities so that he will be more involved with helping the society."

They also have a daughter by the name of Christina who is studying at a boarding school around town. She returns home every weekend; arriving on Friday nights and leaving on Sunday evenings.

Since today is the last day of school before the summer breaks arrive, both Tobias and Christina will be here today.

As I descend the steps of the wooden staircase, I see Mrs. Eaton pass by with a book on cross-stitch in her hands.

"Good morning, Mrs. Eaton", I greet with a small smile.

Mrs. Eaton turns around and looks up from her book. She smiles and replies, "Morning Teresa. Please, just call me Joanne."

Please, just stop calling me Teresa is all I could think, but I forcefully paste a sweet smile on my face and nod. I need to get used to that stupid name.

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><p>"We don't usually buy herbs since we plant them by ourselves in our garden", Joanne says as she cuts a bite from the pancake I fried a while ago.<p>

"You have a garden?" I ask excitedly.

I wait for her answer while I silently wonder if Mrs. Eaton is going to answer my question considering the focused look on her face, clearly showing that she is paying full concentration in judging the quality of my food.

"Mmm... This is good. You should lessen the amount of sugar. It's not that your pancakes are too sweet. Just that Tobias and I love to eat pancakes with lots of honey and cinnamon powder, so too much sugar will make the pancake a bit too overwhelming", Joanne says after swallowing her first bite.

As she finishes her second pancake, she wipes her mouth with a napkin and rises up from her chair. "I'm going to the market to buy some butter and some apples. Tobias loves to munch on them when he gets hungry in the night. Would you like to come along with me or stay back and have a stroll in the garden or something?" She asks.

"You have a garden?" I query again.

"Oh yes. If you go through the back door, you'll find yourself in the garden."

We had a garden, back on the Buffalo Mountains. Dad was just about to expand his land for the garden. And mom had just bought her new batch of acacia seeds. That was before the inevitable happened...acacia seeds. That was before the inevitable happened...

"Hey. You're good?" Joanne's speech disturbed my thoughts.

"Yeah. I'm good", I assured with a nod. "I think I'll stay."

"Okay then. I'll be back by 11 a.m. just to drop the groceries. Then I'll be leaving for the women's Whiting community service's meeting. By the time I'm home, I'll be expecting the groceries sorted out. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Joanne."

Joanne picks up her khaki coloured Chanel handbag and drops her house keys and iPhone in. Just as she touches the front door knob, she turns around and says, "One more thing, I need you to clean Tobias's and Christina's room. They only needs some dusting I think. Tobias's room is the one opposite to yours and Christina's is beside his."

"Yes, Joanne", I nod. So I am going to be the maid of the Eaton household.

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><p>I unlatch the back door in the kitchen and swing it open. Strong smells of flowers greet my entrance as the pine door reveals a beautiful garden.<p>

Never have I ever seen a garden as enchanting as this. It is surrounded by tall yellowish brick walls, crept by morning glories. A yellow cobblestone road floors the path around the garden. There are sweet scented roses, unique wild-orchids, eye-catching dahlias and a thousand others. I dare say that this garden nurses the most types of flowers any garden ever has. It is as if "The Secret Garden" has come to life.

Walking around the garden, I find myself under a large oak tree. It's bark is so wide that I am sure it will take more than ten men to hug it.

The sound which are supposed to be emitted as I walk towards the tree are morphed into crunching sounds as the brick road is covered with dead leaves from the oak tree. Many times I find myself almost tumbling as I accidentally step on the acorns covering the floor. I decide that I must gather the skirts of my grey blue dress and walk with my eyes on the floor instead of the tree.

"Oof!"

I rub the bruise I feel forming on my forehead as I realise that I had bumped my head on the hard bark of the tree. I silently scold myself for being the careless girl I am and look up.

Multiple shades of green leaves cover the trees. The tree was so thick that it is as if I am sitting under a roof.

I slowly rise up from the ground and I look up at the bark of the oak tree I bumped my head to. Deciding that the pain isn't bad, I rest my head on the tree trunk and allow my body to rest.

God my head is killing me like hell.

I am not sure why is my head pounding so heavily when I am quite sure that I only lightly bumped into this tree, but I do know that I really need to get an ice-pack.

I walk into the kitchen and find a block of unsalted butter on the kitchen counter with droplets of water surrounding it because of condensation; an obvious evidence that the butter had been there for quite a long while. I must have fallen asleep... The sleepless nights I've had are eating me back...

I grab an ice-pack from the freezer and hold it to my head before I hurriedly attempt to place the silver foiled butter in the refrigerator, only to find out that the butter compartment is too high and out of my reach. I silently scold myself for inheriting mom's short genes as I look for a stool to climb on. After minutes of searching, while still holding the ice pack to my forehead, I resort to climbing a wooden chair and keep the butter in its 's short genes as I look for a stool to climb on. After minutes of searching, while still holding the ice pack to my forehead, I resort to climbing a wooden chair and keep the butter in its compartment.

After I finish putting away Joanne's groceries, I climb up the stairs to dust Tobias and Christina's room.

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><p>I wake up to the sound of the front door slamming shut and realise that I have fallen asleep on the couch. I make my way to greet Joanne, only to find a tall, well-built man walking in with a scowl on his face. I shrink back at the sight of him and silently wish that he won't notice me.<p>

However he freezes in his tracks and glares at me with his dark, midnight blue eyes.

"Who in the world are you?" He demands.

"I-I work here." is all I could stammer out.

"I don't think I remember hiring any females in this house. Who the hell are you and what do you think you are doing in my house?"

The man advances towards me and suddenly, I find myself in a dark back-alley. The man slowly advances towards me...

And I run.

I run and run as fast as my legs can carry me. Until I find myself facing a wall.

I stop dead in my tracks and my heart starts to beat in my ear. Sweat trickles down my forehead as I turn around and find the man standing in front of me with a malicious smile. I back up slowly as the man advances nearer and nearer to me.


	5. Chapter 4: Christina

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent and/ or Blue's Clues.**

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><p><em>I stop dead in my tracks and my heart starts to beat in my ear. Sweat trickles down my forehead as I turn around and find the man standing in front of me with a malicious smile. I back up slowly as the man advances nearer and nearer to me.<em>

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><p>"I'm home!"<p>

The man turns around to face Joanne who is wearing a big smile. "Marcus! You're home!" Joanne is about to give the man a peck on his cheek when the man stops her and demands, "Pray tell who the hell is she."

"She's the new maid, remember? You didn't like the previous one but insisted me to get someone to help me out. So you hired one from David. Her name's Teresa."

Marcus glares at me. "Well then, make sure this girl behaves. I don't want another girl who thinks she can earn a living by seducing my son." With that, he storms up the stairs.

"Don't bother about him." I turn my attention to Joanne. "He's got some temper in him... Sometimes..."

An awkward silence wraps around us for a moment.

I look for something to change the topic of our conversation. "You know what? I think I like the sound of Tris better than Teresa."

"Tris... I like it." Joanne says as she smiles and nods her head.

"Thanks." I can't help smiling back.

"But why Tris?"

_Because I resent the name Teresa and I just want to shout out my name is Beatrice but I can't. And so I resort to a nickname from Beatrice, but can sound close enough to Teresa. _"That's what my friends called me." I lied.

Joanne claps her hands and announces, "Alright. Let's get to work. We're going to cook Tobias's favourite meal today. It's a simple dish where I fry spaghetti with butter and some herbs."

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><p>"Then you add in those lemons." Joanne says as she teaches me how to cook Tobias's favourite dish.<p>

I squeeze the juices of the lemon into the sizzling pan of spaghetti and am about to throw its skin away when Joanne holds my hand.

"Nope. You place them in the cooking." She says.

"But I have already." I ask confused.

"The skin."

"You mean the skin of the lemon?"

"Yes. The skin of the lemon."

"But isn't it bitter?"

"But it adds a brilliant smell into the pasta."

I nod and trust Joanne to know her stuff.

"Then you sprinkle cheese onto it. Grate those Parmesan Cheese in and tear in the Mozzarella."

"MUM!"

Both of us jump up in surprise. A tall jet black haired girl hugs Joanne and kisses both her cheeks. She stands an inch taller than Joanne and has her jet-black hair tied into a high ponytail. Her tan skin looks darker than it should be because of the white sleeveless shirt she is wearing. She looks almost similar to Joanne, their body shape, hair, height and their Hispanic looks.

She sniffs around the kitchen and asks, "What are you..." She looks at me and is stunned as she probably didn't even notice me in the kitchen before. "Who are you?" She asks.

"She's the new maid." Joanne says.

"I'm Tris", I offer with a smile.

"I'm Christina. Soo... what are you cooking?"

"Umm..."

"I'm teaching her how to cook Tobias's favourite meal." Joanne answers for me.

Christina's eyes goes wide. "You mean like... The pasta which you will never teach me how to cook so that I can be Tobias's favourite person because he will fall for my delicious cooking and would help me date Eric? Damn mum, now she's gonna be Tobias's favourite."

I blush at Christina's bold statement and try to hide it and pretend as if I hadn't been listening as I am keeping the butter back into the fridge. I focus my gaze on the picture of London which is held onto the refrigerator door by a 'Big Ben' magnet and silently wish that I have the ability to skidoo into it like Steve and Blue always does in Blue's Clues.

"Seriously Christina, control your mouth." Joanne scolds Christina.

"Sorry... But it's true! You'll never ever teach me how to cook that thing no matter what I do." Christina whines.

Feeling awkward, I hurry to the dining area with the excuse of dressing up the table.

"Well, she is already, naturally a good cook. And since she's going to be helping me, I might as well teach her the way around the kitchen."

Now I wish I have a pair of earplugs so that I can stop listening... They're making me feel very uncomfortable.

"But mum, this is like.. well.. you never shared the recipe with any of the previous maids."

"Do you like any of the previous ones?"

Now this pulls my interest.

"No!" Christina says in disgust. "But what difference does it make?"

Their voices lower down to a whisper and I know that this is not for my hearing. Even though the curiosity inside me is itching me to eavesdrop, I pull myself away from the kitchen wall and start dressing the table up.

**A/N: Next update in two days!**


	6. Chapter 5: Acacia

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent and/or Fabio Viviani :D**

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><p>I am heating up the milk on the stove when I hear Joanne's cheer of joy and Christina's shriek. Tobias must be here.<p>

I turn the gas off and pour the milk into a pitcher. When I place the pitcher on the table, Joanne and Mr. Eaton.. or Marcus? I am still not so sure what I should address him as, enters the dining area with big, wide smiles on their faces.

I wait for the 'Tobias' to appear through the dining doorway but deflates when no one else trails along after Mr. and Mrs. Eaton does. It is not that I am excited to see him, but he seems so well loved and like.. a really nice guy. And something in me is urging me to meet him.

Loud footsteps descend the staircase above us as the excited voice of a chattering Christina can be heard. Christina laughs as she enters the dining area followed by a smiling young man. I realise that my breathing hitches. He stands a few inches taller than Christina with dark brown hair reaching just below his ear. His gaze sets upon the platter of fried spaghetti on the table and his smile grows wider.

"You cooked this for me? Thanks Mum." He smiles and hugs Joanne.

"Actually Tris did. Tobias, this is Tris, our new maid." Joanne says.

His eyes land on mine and with a warm smile, he brings out his hand for a handshake. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

I take his hand in mine. It's firm. He has a firm grip. And warm. His hand is warm. And his touch sends this certain shudder through me. And his hand is so much bigger compared to mine that it is large enough to swallow my whole hand in.

"Tris." I quickly say as I pull my hand out of his hold and look away. I wish I didn't because I miss his midnight blue eyes already and am too shy to look back into them.

"Come on, the big man starts first", Marcus announces with his deep voice. It sounds similar to Tobias's, but hoarse. As if he's gone through years of war and is a tired old horse. He does seems far older than Joanne.

Tobias laughs at Marcus's words. "Come on dad, you're still the king."

Marcus looks down and pushes Tobias to begin the meal which he does. I am not sure if I imagined it, but there was a slight bitterness to Tobias's words.

"Mmm... This is good." Tobias mumbles with his mouth full. He chews the food slowly before swallowing it. "The aroma of the rosemary and the oregano is strong. Then there's this sourness which gives a very good kick in it. Then the cheese is like so.. cheesy, and creamy but not too much until it becomes overwhelming. And the..."

"Tobias, you can stop being Fabio Viviani." Christina face palms

Tobias scowls at her but looks back at me with a smile, "Mum's might be a slight bit better, but yours is close. You're very good at this."

I just can't stop the blush from creeping onto my face.

"Thanks." I smile.

* * *

><p>The Eatons were lounging in their family room as I cleaned the plates. I can still hear their laughter and so they still must be recollecting old memories and catching up with each other.<p>

After my chores, I found out that the door beside my room leads to a balcony. The same balcony which is attached to mine.

I lean onto the rails of the balcony as I gaze upon the stars in the midnight blue sky. I am not sure if my focus is on the stars or just simply the sky. I don't intentionally want to but I just can't take of a certain pair of midnight blue eyes away from my mind. Every time I try to think about something else, it will somehow find a way into my mind, just like what is happening now.

"Hey", a deep alluring voice surprises me.

"Hey", I whisper back.

"You love stars?" He asks.

"Yeah."

"Me too."

Now I allow myself to sneak a look at him. Dashing. With his dark brown hair flowing in the wind... A few strands of it covers his face slightly. I automatically tuck my hair behind my ear.

"You know constellations?" He asks.

"Yeah."

A few seconds of silence wraps us.

"You know their names?"

"Yeah."

"You like them?"

"Yeah."

I jump in surprise as he suddenly laughs. Seeing my confused face he holds up a hand and apologises, "I'm sorry, but it's just funny how I notice that you're so shy and you don't speak that much. The other maids usually talk my ears off and here I am with a cute blonde who doesn't speak more than a word."

This makes me annoyed. "I'm not cute!" I defend, crossing my arms across my chest.

If I was annoyed, now I'm angry. Why? Because he just laughs at me. He freaking laughs at me.

"Okay then. You're not cute." He reaches for my cheek and skims his thumb over my jawline. "But you're still a beautiful blonde and you should be proud of it."

He says it with an intense look, as if his eyes are seeing what is stored deep in me. Almost as if an extension of him is inside me; forcing, jamming the information into my brain. His face travels closer to mine.

The sudden burst of laughter from somewhere in the house surprises both of us. And I just realise how close I was standing to Tobias.

"Acacia..." Tobias whispers, almost inaudibly, as he shakes his head and looks back to the sky.

I bite my lip and bid him a goodnight before I turn away and run for my room. Somehow, I find my self smiling and feeling the jitters out of the blue. What I hate most is that I just can't push the smile off my face. I scream into my pillow and try to let go of that feel.

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><p><strong>AN: Still kind of short. I should have combined chapter 4 and 5 into one, but oh well...**

**Rate and review, please :D**

**Question of the day: Who knows Fabio Viviani?**


	7. Chapter 6: Sage and Lemon Grass

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>I close my eyes and sit down with my legs crossed and my head rested on the bark of the big, strong and tall oak tree. I feel comfortable under it. I feel.. protected.<p>

Just to disturb my sanctuary, I hear someone sitting down right beside me. I open my eyes and look to my left to see a pair of green eyes looking at me. I jump up in surprise when he suddenly places a hand on my thigh. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Hush it now puppy-cakes. Don't have to be hard on me."

As I stare at him incredulously, I can't deny the fact that those mischievous green eyes are vaguely familiar. And when they squint and his eyebrows knit together in wonder, I am sure that he recognises me too.

"Have we met?" He asks after a few minutes of silence.

"Ye-I... I mean... no?" I answer, more like a question itself. Nobody should recognise me or Jeanine would have me killed.

After another few minutes of silence, his eyes went wide and he looks at me in disbelieve. "Beatrice?..."

I feel a sweat starting to trickle down my back. No way can this guy recognises me as Beatrice... Can he?

His shocked face suddenly morphs into a very, very mischievous one, his lips curl up to a smirk and his eyes gleams and glitters in cruel excitement. I unintentionally cower down.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"Have you forgotten me, Beatrice?"

"Maybe I have to introduce myself? I'm Al. Albert Peters."

Al...

No. It can't be him. I've ran a thousand miles away just to get away from him...

I get up and start to turn away.

"Ditching me already, Beatrice?"

"I need to prepare breakfast for the Eatons."

"Come on baby cakes, we had a great time the last time we met remember?"

He grabs my elbow but I quickly pull it off.

Then I run.

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><p>As I finished frying the last cheese toast, Marcus descends the stairs. He brings out his iPad and starts to go through it.<p>

"Look. I am sorry for my rude and harsh words yesterday." He starts. "I was quite tired from work and I.. well.. let's just say that I don't have a very good experience from maids. And I kind of disregard any maids I meet." Marcus says while nodding his head. He seems like he is trying to assure himself more than me.

"It's okay really", I forgive him.

"Thank you." He turns his attention back to the tablet in his hands.

So that explains his hatred towards me yesterday. But one question still leaves unsolved in my head, if he hates maids, then why did he even hired me. I know how to get the answer, but I am not sure if I have the courage to ask. Deciding that I do, I contemplate on how do I approach the question as I set the plate of cheese toast on the table.

"Thank you", Marcus says.

I nod.

"Um... I'm sorry for asking, but I've just been wondering. If you do not really like maids, then why did you hire me?"

"I do not want Joanne to burden herself with the chores. Also I am actually helping out a friend. He retired from his job as a psychiatrist and decided to join this maid services agency. So I told him that I'll hire one." Marcus answers in a strong and sure voice.

"Oh." Jeanine didn't tell me that... Or is this her cover story?

"Good morning honey", Joanne greets as she enters the kitchen and sits on the high stool beside Marcus.

"Good morning dear", Marcus whispers lovingly as he plants a kiss on Joanne's forehead.

"Morning peoples!" Christina sings as she plops down on a stool and sets her eyes on the plate of Cheese Toast.

"Oh my god! Are these cheese toasts?" She asks.

I nod a reply.

"Oh my freaking god! I love cheese toast!"

"Language Christina." Marcus warns.

"Sorry."

I can't help but smile. I miss the feeling of being in a family, or even seeing a happy family. Jeanine and Nita had been this prim and proper family- and I lost mine.

"Where's Tobias?" Joanne asks.

Christina, with a cheese toast halfway in her mouth answers, "I don't know. Catching up some sleep maybe."

"He went up quite early last night. He shouldn't be that tired."

"Maywe shish shay-"

"Christina! Swallow your food before you talk." Joanne scolds Christina.

She gulps down a big swallow, "Maybe he stayed up last night. I did see him walk into his room late last night. He was at the balcony. You know how much he loves stargazing."

_My nose is rather itchy all of a sudden... _

* * *

><p><p>

"I'll need you to go to the grocery for me and get some vegetables and fruits. Here is the list", Joanne says as she hands me a long list of different names of fruits and vegetables. Her handwriting is quite hard to read, but very neat I notice. She writes in small, perfect cursive letters. I rarely see any of these writing style being used anymore.

"You know, you can use my bike." Christina offers.

"Really?" I ask.

"Really", she nods reassuringly. "I'm not going to let you walk in the summer heat. You are going to burn your beautiful fair skin. I'm not using it yet anyway."

I bite my the insides of my cheeks and contemplates what she said.

"Really, take it. It's the one with the zebraish look on it. Like zebra stripes and things like that. You'll find it leaning against the guardhouse by the gate."

I smile to Christina and thank her before hurrying out to the guardhouse.

* * *

><p>I return to the Eaton's house and park the bicycle where Christina parked it. Just as I am about to lift up the paper bags of fruits and vegetables from the bicycle's basket, a hand reaches in front of me and attempts to take the paper bags away.<p>

"Come. Let me help you."

I turn around to find myself facing with Tobias with a sincere look.

"I'm fine", I try to stop him.

"Please, let me help you", he pushes.

"I can do it really."

"Come on, just one bag."

"It's okay. Really, I can manage."

"Scold my dad for bringing me up to be a selfless brat because now, I can't stand the sight of a little girl carrying-"

"I AM NOT LITTLE! Can't you stop calling me cute and little and all that?"

"Fine. I can't stand the sight of a petite young lady who is stronger than she looks carrying bags that may add up to be heavier than herself and so now, allow me to help you. Happy?" Tobias rephrases with a sigh.

I nod.

He smiles at me and takes the paper bags from the bicycle's basket.

God his smile is so charming.

No wait.

I am supposed to insist on carrying those bags. And now he is already a few feet away from me.

"Hey! I said I can carry them", I call out. But my efforts to call him back are pointless because he is already halfway to the front door.

* * *

><p>"You know what, before I met you, I thought that it is impossible for a 17 years old teenage girl to be less than 5 feet. And here I am, face to.. back with a 17 years old who is just 4 feet 8", Tobias says as he fidgets and, from time to time, nibbles on his cold cheese toast which the rest of the Eatons left for him. Apparently, he is not going to stop teasing me about my height anytime soon.<p>

"Well then, I'm glad that I have opened your eyes to see that some humans are shorter than you think is possible", I reply exasperatedly.

He chuckles and stays silent.

Once I've finished putting away the groceries, I notice that Joanne have left a note on the fridge door, telling me to thaw the butter. Great, now Tobias is going to laugh at me because I will need to climb a chair just to reach the butter.

I take a peak and see that he is absorbed with his cheese toast. Quickly, I lift the wooden chair I used yesterday and climb it.

"You know, you can always ask for help."

I look at Tobias who is already right beside me. He is wearing a sincere look. Much like the one he used a couple of minutes ago.

"No please, I am not a helpless lady. I can, in fact climb a chair."

Tobias acts as if he didn't even hear me as he places a hand on my waist and grabs the block of butter. "Sometimes you do need help and you don't and shouldn't be shy to ask for it. Everyone needs help in something", Tobias says as he passes me the butter.

He exits the kitchen and leaves me speechless. Why? Not just because of what he said, but I can still feel the tingles of where his fingers were placed on my ridden-up-shirt waist.

And it feels good.

* * *

><p>I feel confused and jittery, again; I am not so sure why. But I do know that I need to calm myself down. I usually stargaze at times like this, but the only star visible right at this moment is the sun. Does any sane person gazes at the sun when they need to clear their minds? And so I do the second thing which helps me calm my thoughts; rest with nature.<p>

I feel a hard force colliding with my chest and I find myself lying on the ground.

I open my eyes and find Al looking at me with mischiefs in his eyes.

"Hey there, Beatrice." He smirks.

I feel large, cold hands pinning my legs. No, they are gripping it tightly, but prying it open.

I scream and cry out for help, but none seems to come.

"What's wrong Beatrice?" He asks mockingly.

The familiar smell of sage and lemon grass overwhelms me, suffocates me and I find myself petrified by it.

NO! I can't let this happen again. He's done this once, but not again, never again.

"STOP IT! LET ME GO!" I scream and I trash.

Hands are still holding me down.

"Tris! Stop it you have to calm down."

"No! Stop it!"

"Tris wake up you're just having a dream!"

Dream? Oh god. If this is a dream then I can make it so that the hands will disappear. I can will the smell to go away. And I can live a life where none of these nightmares ever existed.

But god no, this isn't a dream.

"Cut it off Tris!"

Warm calloused hands grip my waist.

They are warm.

Like Tobias's.

Tobias.

The voice, it's Tobias. Not Al.

I stop and look up. Two dark blue orbs are staring right into me. They look like the night sky; dark and alluring, mysterious yet beautiful.

"Tris. Are you okay?" He asks with concern.

I can't seem to find my voice, and so I nod.

"Thank god." He says as he held me in his chest. He rubs soothing circles on my back.

"Come on, calm down. Take a deep breathe in.."

I breathe in... Sage. Sage and lemon grass.

"He's here!" God, Al is here.

"Who's here?"

"Al."

"Al? You mean the gardener? Yes, he was here."

He was here. It wasn't a dream. He is back.

"God Tris!" Tobias screams. I can't really catch what is happening. I can't breathe, Al is here.

"Breathe Tris, please!"

I hug my chest and try to breathe and find one of Tobias's hand there, pressing onto my lungs. I breathe again, the smell is still here. "Throw it! Put it away!" I gasp out.

"What?!"

"The smell! Throw it!"

"You're having an asthma attack. For god's sake, calm down!"

Asthma attack? I haven't had one since.. since...

Al.

Sage.

Lemon grass.

I can't breathe.

"Come on breathe in with me. In-"

I breathe in. Instead of sage and lemon grass, I smell something more comforting... I can't name it, but it smells like... Dad?

"-out."

I breathe out. Then in again. Dad... He was always there to calm me down during my asthma attacks.

"Tris, I think you need a rest. Maybe the heats got you or something. Come on, go and rest in your room." Tobias urges as he helps me up.

For a moment, I imagine him as my father. The man who was always there for me. Until... That one time when no one was there. When he can't be there because he was dead. I feel my breaths getting short again. I need to stop thinking about all these things too much. I need to calm myself down. I need to... I need to... Help Joanne with lunch!

"I need to help Joanne with lunch." I hurry up.

"It's okay. Mum and dad won't be home till evening. There's something about a sudden change of plans and they cancelled lunch. Go and take a rest."

Rest means sleep. Sleep means dream. Dream means nightmare. No. I can't rest.

"Then I need to keep the butter back in the fridge." I try to push him away.

"I've done that. You should at least get a shower if you refuse to rest."

Figuring that there is no way out of his urges, I sigh out a "Fine.", push him away and march to my bedroom.

However, as I feel the cold water of the shower pour down on my head, Tobias's hurt look as I pushed him away when he was helping me up in the garden comes back in my mind. I immediately regret doing so, not out of guilt, not out of pity, but as I change the water temperature from hot to cold and hot to cold, I realise that the only thing that can calm me down is the warmth which emits from Tobias's hands as he grips my waist. The warmth which emits from his hands as he rubs soothing circles on my back. The comfort of being held to his chest makes me feel even more protected than what the grand oak tree made me feel. And I regret pushing him away because now, I am sure that he will think that I am a bitch who is not grateful to those who have helped me.

And I am no longer going to feel his warmth.

So, out of regret and despair, and in an attempt to throw all the worries of my nightmares which have returned and are now haunting me again, I scream into the shower.

I scream, collapse and I cry.

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><p><strong>AN: Just 3k left to goal on NaNoWriMo :)**


	8. Chapter 7: Father vs Son

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>"Beatrice... Running is never a clever way out. You should know that."<p>

I try to free myself from his grasps but he hugs me tightly to his body and I can't get away.

"You know Tris, I never really get to fully enjoy my time with you. You had fallen unconscious because of an asthma attack before I was even near done."

"Just let me go!"

I spring out from his grip, but find myself in my bed. How did I end up here? Please don't tell me Al carried me here.

I wrap myself with my blanket and try to breathe. I seriously can't get an asthma attack right now. I need someone to hold me. I desperately need someone to hold me.

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><p>I wake up to find myself cuddled in my blanket. But it's not making me feel warm enough.<p>

Getting up, the events of yesterday comes rushing back to me. I try to push them all to the back of my mind, but I feel my breaths getting short. Where's my inhaler?

I ransack my backpack for my inhaler.

No! I don't have any inhaler. I haven't had the need to use one for years.

Air... I need air. I can't breathe...

Tobias... I need Tobias.

No, I need to calm down.

"Come on, breathe in with me." I hear his voice say. "In-"

I breathe in.. and out. And again until my breathing is steady.

Pulling my hair into a bun, I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen to find the Eatons seated at the kitchen island. I am not sure how should I announce my late entry and so I just quickly rush to the kitchen counter to prepare their breakfast with a short good morning.

* * *

><p>Christina excuses herself, saying that she is late for some shopping with her school friends.<p>

"I am not so comfortable with the friends she makes at school. I am worried about the influence they have on her. They don't really seem like good people- especially that Will guy", Marcus says as he takes a sip of his coffee.

"Don't worry dear. I am sure that she is sane enough to not make any unwise decisions", Joanne tries to comfort Marcus who sighs and stays silent for a moment.

"The people had been asking about your whereabouts, Tobias. It is about time you come along with us to visit the people", Marcus suggests as he wipes his mouth with a napkin.

Tobias twirls his fork in his empty plate of spaghetti. After seeing that Marcus is still expecting a reply from him, he stares at Marcus, keeping his silent demeanour in hopes that he will drop the subject. Their staring contest goes on for a long while; obviously making Joanne uncomfortable as she bites her lip and tries to say something to break their gazes.

When Christina suddenly dashes in the kitchen to "OH MY GOD! I forgot my bag!", she realises the heavy tension in the kitchen as the two men stares at each other and looks from Marcus to Tobias and back again.

Just as I decide to get out of the kitchen because the air is suffocating me, Marcus sighs and looks down. He grabs his tablet and announces, "I need to go to the Whiting Park. Our neighbours are holding a fund raising charity program to help the people of Whiting earn a better living and it would be a shame if the mayor doesn't show up."

"So you're just going there to save your pride? Not because you feel guilty to not help the community raise funds for your own people?" interrupts Tobias.

"BAM!"

I jump up as Marcus slams his fist on the kitchen island. "You, girl, are coming with me since this selfish brat is too lazy to get his ass up."

"Me?" Christina asks in surprise.

"Yes you."

"Come on, let's go", Joanne says as she picks up her black purse and pulls Marcus out of the kitchen with a look to Christina which says, "Don't object. Just do it."

Christina trails behind Joanne and Marcus muttering.

As the front door slams shut, Tobias sighs and drops his head into his hands. I am still standing by the back door awkwardly, mulling over the thought of running out of the kitchen to the safe shades of the oak tree...

...Or should I run into the safe arms of Tobias?

What am I thinking?

I swing the back door open and run to the oak tree and purposefully hit my head a couple of times to the bark of the oak tree.

Tobias was right. The summer heat must have got to my head.

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><p><strong>AN: I'VE JUST WON NANOWRIMO!**

**And I feel too happy that I'd like to post this chapter now even though I have just posted one two days ago. I know that this chapter is a little bit short, but next chapter would probably be up in two or three days.**

**Review please ^^ They always make me feel soo happy :)**


	9. Chapter 8:Everyone's Afraid of Something

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>"Hey."<p>

I look to my right side and find Tobias pondering at me with his right elbow resting on the rail in front of us. His deep blue eyes looking right at mine.

"Hey." I reply.

"Aren't you going to say anything more than one word other than the times when you are hyperventilating or angry at me?" Tobias gives me a smug look to which I glare in response.

He laughs at my reaction. "Don't get angry to fast, Tris. You're cute when you're angry; and I was told that you hate being cute." Tobias sports his ridiculously annoying smirk and I decide to just ignore him. _He enjoys teasing you very, very much... _

"You love to stargaze do you?" He asks out of the blue.

"Yeah? I thought I told you that."

Tobias chuckles and asks, "Tell me more about it."

"About what?"

"How did you come across stargazing?"

I bite my lower lip and mull over the question. Do I really want to talk about it?

"Well... It is something my dad really loved doing. And that hobby passed down to us, I guess. My brother, twin sister and I would climb up to our tree house to stargaze..."

A sad smile silently finds its way to my face as I remember the time when we helped dad and his friend, George build the tree house. Caleb was allowed to pass the tools like hammer and nails while Hannah and I were only allowed to pass the ropes and other things which were considered safe by our overly worried mom. I try to back the tears which are threatening to spill from my tear glands, however, a lone tear finds its way to my cheeks and I quickly wipe it with the back of my hand and take a deep breathe in to calm myself down.

"How high off the ground was your tree house?" Tobias asks. I know that he noticed my lone tear, but he pretends not to; and I very much appreciate that.

"Definitely higher than this." I reply. Darn it, my voice sounds coarse.

"You know, we have a lookout up here."

"Really?"

"Yup! Come along." Tobias replies with a smile. He grabs my hand and pulls me to the staircase. As he leads me to the third floor, I find myself feeling very uncomfortable and nervous.

Am I allowed up on this third floor? Joanne never instructed me to do anything up here...

Tobias pulls me to an off-white pine door and I find myself facing a steep metal attic-style staircase. He takes in a deep breath and urges me to climb up with as he circles his right arm around my waist and pulls me to the staircase. I can't resist the urge to hold his warm arm. I take the first step onto the staircase and hear it creaks as it takes in the pressure.

The door shuts close and leaves us with what little light which creeps from beneath the pine door. With our sights being useless, our ears tend to pick up more sounds than what they normally do.

And I swear that the loud thumping sound I can hear in my ears are coming from Tobias's chest. It is loud and it is fast. Is he scared of something?

When we reach the top, Tobias hurriedly presses himself to the plywood door in front of us as his grip on my waist gets tighter. While he tries to jam in the key into the keyhole of the door, he curses and mutters to himself about forgetting to bring a torchlight.

"You know, it is not that dark." I say to him.

"Easy for you to say when you are not the one who is trying to fit the key in the keyhole." His breathing is short and I am sure that I heard panic in his voice.

Hold a second, of course! He must be afraid of the dark. I remember being scared of the dark because there might be monsters in the dark.

"Are you afraid of the dark?" I ask.

"What! No!"

"Then why are you panicking so much?" Or maybe... "The height?"

"What-" he gulps. "What about the um- height?" His grip around my waist tightens and I am almost pressed flat to his chest. If it is not Tobias, I'll find this suffocating. But with the warmth radiating from his body, I find it comforting.

"You are definitely afraid of the height are you?" I smile, amused.

"Well, maybe. I mean everyone is afraid of something right?" He seems hurt and he lets go of me and uses both of his hands to fit the key in the keyhole, succeeds and swings the door open.

I snicker at his nervousness. It will be fun to scare him more. But deciding that even I am afraid of something and I'd hate to be made fun of it, "Yes. Everyone is afraid of something." I say.

I can see Tobias's smile through the flickers of the light as he switches it on.

He walks to a levitated area of the room, takes of his shoes and ascends the steps to it. I copy his previous actions as he lays down on the grass-like carpet and pats the empty space beside him, silently telling me to lie down with him. After finding my place by his side, he presses a blue switch and the roof above us slides open and reveals the astonishing night sky.

"It's beautiful..." I gasp.

We stay silent; both of us just enjoying the brilliant night sky.

"You look beautiful." Tobias whispers as he skims my jawline with his thumb and slides it across my cheeks. I blush and turn away.

"Don't be shy. You really are beautiful you know." I smile at him and he smiles back.

"I've got something for you." He whispers, sitting up. I follow suit.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Close your eyes and hold out your hand."

I close my eyes and can feel Tobias positioning my hands on his lap, palms up. Something cool is placed onto my palms and he closes my fingers in. It is a glass bottle.

"Open your eyes."

I open and scream, jumping up in the process. I let go of the bottle as if it is a grenade which will explode at any time. It is a bottle of sage and lemon grass smelling oil.

"Are you afraid of it? You don't have to be shy, everyone is afraid of something..."

I look up to see Al, no longer Tobias, standing in front of me with his malicious smile.

"But I know that deep inside, you love it."

The smell

Sage and lemon grass.

The smell whips through the air and too soon, it surrounds me- suffocates me.

I can't breathe past it. The smell of sage and lemon grass chokes me. I gasp for air, but the more I try to breathe, the stronger the smell grows and the harder it is for air to enter my lungs. It is as if its density is so thick that it surrounds me like a plastic bag.

"Tris... I want you to breathe it. Smell it." His voice starts to boom around the room.

"Tris... I know you love it. You do love it don't you." It tries to convince me.

"Tris... Breathe..." It repeats.

"Tris."

"Tris."

"TRIS!" Is that Tobias?

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks to all of you guys for your feedbacks! To the last guest who sent me a review (to which I can't reply since you are a guest) thanks a lot! Your review really made me soo happy ^^**


	10. Chapter 9: Coffee Cakes

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>When I open my eyes, the sunlight flares through my sight. I bring my arms up to block the light from my eyes and try to slowly adjust to them as I push myself up. Looking down, I realise that I am in my bed, still in yesterday's clothes. I look through the glass sliding door which leads to the balcony and am brought back to last night's event. <em>Wasn't I in that lookup tower with Tobias? Was Al really there? Did I dream the whole thing? <em>

I hate the fact that my dreams have always managed to push themselves into my life. How much control they have on me. The worst is, the more I try to get rid of them, the harder it gets. It is as if I am cursed to be tortured by the demons of Dreamland.

I glance at the clock on my bedside table and stare at it in horror. 10:00 it announces in red LED lights. I should be up by 7:00 A.M.

I dash down the stairs after a quick change of clothes and burst into the kitchen. Joanne is there with her hair tied up in a neat bun, reading a book on apples.

"You're up late." Her voice is calm but demanding. It demands an answer, a reason, why am I late?

"I-I-I... I'm sorry", is all I can come up with. How do I tell her that I have been up with Tobias late last night. Hell, I can't even recall which parts of last night were real.

Joanne sighs and drops her face into her hands. "You are receiving shelter, food and other living necessities from Marcus and I which in return you must pay by labour work. But I would not appreciate someone who does not have self-discipline and can't even wake up in time. You must at least act like you really care and are grateful to have a home."

I nod a reply and fidget with my fingers unconsciously.

"Look. It's not that I am that angry about it and I would not like to treat you as a second class citizen or things like that. Yet, you do have to learn to be disciplined." I look up to her and see that her face is of one which shows kindness and mercy, yet stern and commanding. Her scar makes her look fearsome.

"I'll try... to be more disciplined."

Joanne nods her head and resumes her attention to the apple book in her hand. "Christina is out with her friends for some group assignment they need to complete during the summer holidays and Marcus and Tobias are in the living room because your boss is here."

"My what?!"

"Boss. Or owner? I am not sure what do you call him."

"Who?"

"David Alden Greene, the owner of the maid agency you are from." She says it like it is the most obvious thing in the world. _But I though__t that I am owned by Marcus...  
><em>

"He is also a good friend of Marcus and he wants to meet us. He is here with his family and I need you to brew some tea. There are three of them. Don't forget to brew some for Marcus, Tobias and me. I should join them too, but I thought that I should warn you that Marcus won't take this undisciplined ways of yours lightly." With that, she closes her book and leaves the kitchen.

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><p>I can hear men's laughter erupting from the living room. I cautiously step into it while holding up the tray of teapot and teacups in my hands. The ceramic wares shake gently and make a gingerly clinking sound whenever they bump slightly into each other. I enter the living room and set down the tray on the dark brown coffee table before arranging the tea pot, saucer and cups on the white table runner which is lying on top of it.<p>

As I stand up to leave, Marcus tells me to bring out some coffee cakes and I take the chance to check out who the guests are. A broad man in a plaid blue shirt, a young man slightly older than Tobias with spectacles framing his eyes and a Brunette. The Brunette turns to look at me and I find myself looking into an oddly familiar pair of mesmerising green eyes. Her eyebrows knit together and she squints her eyes slightly; as if she is trying to figure something out.

"So how was the studies for you, Shauna?"

"Pardon me?" the brunette, or Shauna, turns to look at Marcus.

I take it as my cue to leave and bring out the coffee cake from the fridge and cut it into small slices with a fruit knife. I can't fight the voice which is whispering to me, telling me that I know the Shauna girl somehow- from somewhere... My index finger suddenly gets itchy and as I am about to scratch it, I see a drop of blood seeping out of my skin. Darn it! I cut myself- and the cut is pretty deep.

"Hey. Is there something I can help you with?"

I turn around to find myself facing Shauna. She has a sweet look... Beautiful round eyes, small nose... Boys are probably fawning over her, Tobias is probably dating her. My heart strings twitches slightly at that thought.

"I'm fine. Really, I can handle this." I reply shortly. The thought of Tobias being with this Shauna somehow makes me feel uneasy. I hurry to the nearest jar of coffee in sight and grab a spoonful before pouring them onto my cut. "You should just.. go back to the living room or go and talk with Tobias or-" I suddenly see a flash of an image of a tall young man making out with a tall brunette girl in my head. Tobias and Shauna...

"Well... I thought that I could- you know- lend a hand or something, on something in the kitchen", she says as she nervously fidgets with her plaited hair which is draped on her shoulder down to her chest. She is blushing and trying hard to fight off some sort of embarrassment.

"Umm... Okay then. I guess you could bring these coffee cakes to the living room."

"Coffee cakes? Like coffee.. cakes?" she asks, her green eyes open wide. I realise that her eyes are filled with grief... Deep grief.

"Yeah?" I drag off in question.

"Do you like them?" she points at the cakes in disgust.

"Well- no, actually. But well, Marcus did ask for them so..."

"Ah. Well then, it's good to know that I am not the only one who hates coffee cakes", she lightly laughs.

I give her an assuring smile. "No, you're not." _Hannah hates coffee cakes too_. I can still recall our debate with Caleb when we fight on which cake is better, coffee or chocolate.

"Well, it is easier for you to put that in your head when you are not facing a whole family who adores coffee cakes." Shauna tells me as she lifts the plate up from the counter. "What's that on your finger?" she asks, pointing to the small lump of coffee on my cut.

"Coffee." I reply shortly.

"You cut yourself?" She asks, setting the plate of coffee cakes on the counter again.

"Yeah. How do you know?"

"Well that's what my mom always did when she cuts herself. Apply some coffee powder on the cut. Unlike Matt, my brother who would bring some kind of new antidote for quick healing and some new super good antiseptic or something."

Her answer brings a sad smile to my face as I am reminded of mom and dad. Dad would insist on the 'doctors approved' or 'latest medical find' while mom would stick to 'home remedies'.

"You know, my mom and dad always fought that way too."

At my statement, Shauna looks down at her shoes.

Feeling the sudden discomfort of Shauna, I decide to remind her about the forgotten coffee cakes.

"Oh yes!" She cries in alarm and brings the plate of coffee cakes to the living room.

I probably should get back to the living room to attend to the guests, but somehow I don't. Instead, I run into the garden, finding my sanctuary under the shady oak tree. I grab for the heart pendant on my chest and clutch to it tightly as I cry out.

Shauna. Her green eyes are so similar to Hannah's, but hers are filled with deep grief while Hannah's are mischievous and happy. Meeting her brings so much old memories from my past which sucks me into Dreamland. I still remember the times when I do not want to wake up. Because if I stay asleep, stay in Dreamland, then I can be with my family. Over here, I am lonely. Dad have tried numerous ways to get me to stop from staying in bed. He was always there to support me, to be my rock to lean on- that is before he married Jeanine and forgot all about me. He started hating me and blaming me for killing Hannah, mom and Hannah. I can't blame him for blaming me though... It is true.

* * *

><p>I walk around the garden, trying to clear up my mind. But soon, I find myself facing Al.<p>

"Hey there Tris. Do you really love me this much until you have to come to me again and again?"

I turn away to run but a hand grabs my elbow.

"Not so fast, Tris."

Before I could do anything, I find myself flung onto a bed and the smell of sage and lemon grass wraps around me. His face hovers me, but his sadistic smile slowly disappears into the darkness.

I wake with a jolt and realise that it was just another nightmare.

I hate it. I hate it so much when Al has so much power over me. When every night, he will always be there in front of me, torturing me and reliving my horrible nightmares.

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><p><strong><em>The next morning... <em>**

Tobias wipes his mouth with a napkin and walks up to me with his empty plate in his hand.

"The pancakes are brilliant. Like really, really good." Tobias praises with a smile.

I try to not let the giddy part of me express through my body how she is jumping happily and excitedly like a mad kangaroo inside me. I try to not let my smile grow so big and just politely nod a thanks to him.

He gives his empty plate to me with a smile which I nervously return. I succeed in trying to not allow my lips curl into a ridiculously happy smile, but I still can't help allowing that reddish colour taint my cheeks. I mean, come on... I am being praised by the guy who I try to not think about every time I look into the night sky. _I know that I can put a little more effort in trying to not have him in my mind_. What's there to not be happy and giddily excited about.

When his eyes sparkle with.. happiness, sort of like it is merrily laughing, his smile widens and you can see the dimples on his cheeks. With his dashing look, happy eyes and charming smile all directed to me, I can't help feeling overwhelmed. I can just feel more heat rising to my cheeks. I bite the insides of my cheek and look down quickly before he sees the blush I know can put a strawberry to shame.

"The Greenes are very nice people aren't they?" Marcus suddenly speaks out for the very first time this morning.

"Yes. They had always been." Joanne replies.

"I have always admired that Shauna girl. So sweet and polite."

"Definitely not like you." Joanne teases and jabs Christina.

"Mum..." Christina whines.

"Really. She is very nice. Don't you think so Tobias?"

My breathe catches in my throat and I feel my back getting sweaty. I turn the faucet of the sink on and let the water rinse off the plate. The kitchen is wrapped in a very heavy silence. When the curiosity in me reaches its peek, I just have to take a sneak of the scene behind me.

Tobias is glaring at Marcus.

Just as I thought the staring contest is never going to end unless Christina sings in an _OH MY GOD!-something_, Tobias speaks in a low growl, "I know where you are getting at with this, but sorry, it'll never happen."

His left fist thumps on the kitchen door as he forces it open and marches out of the kitchen.

"SLAM!"

My insides cringe when the kitchen door slams shut in a bang.

Joanne runs out of the kitchen and tries to call for him back, but as she appears back through the doorway with a boiling red face, I know that she must have failed.

"You." She almost screams to Marcus while pointing her left index finger to him."I have told you for a million times, I told you to lay off that topic." Joanne scolds Marcus with a controlled anger bubbling in her.

I resume cleaning Tobias's plate, dipping the sponge in my hand into the lime scented dish wash and start sponging the plate.

"Are we not allowed to choose the future partners for our kids?" Marcus asks Joanne in a flat tone.

"Yes we are, but they also have their own rights in it. He never has gone out with any other girl other than Shauna."

Shauna is Tobias's girlfriend. Darn I was right!

"... is a nice girl-"

"Dad, you know he's never done any unwise choices." Christina barges in.

"But both all of us know what he had done that one night when he was a drunken horny boy."

What!?

A sharp cling rings around the kitchen and everyone is silent. I look at the Eatons and see that they are all staring at me.

I realise that I had accidentally dropped Tobias's plate into the sink rather loudly while rinsing the soap suds off of it.

"Sorry, I'll be more careful." I mumble to them and they return to their conversation.

"Language Marcus!" Joanne scolds.

"You know how immature he can be." Marcus reasons out, sounding rather tired.

"We can never confirm it and we never had." Christina tries out.

"They were together, she was naked. Care to explain."

That's it. I don't think I can listen to anymore of this. I randomly place the plate on the dish rack and leave the kitchen while silently praying that the plate won't fall.

I run into my only sanctuary other than Tobias's warmth; the oak tree.

Tobias and Shauna are dating. They are in deep for each other and have done more than just 'make out'.

God! Why am I fretting so much over it. I sound like a lovesick puppy!

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><p><strong>AN: Viola! Chapter 9. I would like to thank _insolitasum _for your review. Specifically for pointing out the fact that I should describe the scenes more. She's writing a Divergent fanfic called '_Believe In Us_' which you guys might want to check out. It is a pretty cool story :)**

**I love reviews ^^**


	11. Chapter 10: The Way To A Boy's Heart

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>"Tris?"<p>

I look down from where I am, on top of my wardrobe and see Joanne with her head tilted to one side and her eyes squinted, trying to figure out what am I doing as I am trying to look for my lost necklace. God where is it?

"What are you doing?"

"I am trying to find my necklace." I sigh as I step my left leg onto the aluminium step ladder which I placed beside my wardrobe and start to climb down.

"You mean that beautiful golden heart pendant necklace?"

"Yeah... I just, can't remember where did I put it- I don't think I took it off... I just..." Sighing in defeat, I straighten my back and ask her, "May I help you?" with raised eyebrows.

"Have you finished cleaning up the house?"

"Kind of. I have vacuumed and moped the whole lower level, Christina's room, you told me to clean your room on the third floor and dust Marcus's books in his library which I have also done."

"Have you done Tobias's room?"

"Umm... no." I don't exactly feel like meeting him after this morning's revelation. "I don't want to disturb him. He's still in his room studying or something."

"He's more like sulking or something." Joanne pouts. "He's just likes his father in that sense; hurt their feelings a wee bit and they go off and sulk for ten hours. Even Marcus is sulking right now. He's just not doing it by locking himself in his room, but by not answering any of my calls or messages to his private phone or his office and also, he won't be here for lunch."

_Lunch... _

I take a glance at the blue digital clock on my bedside and realise that it is already vey close to lunch time. So I hurriedly run out of the room and jog down the stairs.

_I need to cook something quick. Something quick and simple... _

I place the saucepan on the stove and melt a chunk of butter on it.

"Hey, do you still remember that recipe I thought you the other day?" The voice of Johanna Eaton surprises me. I turn around from the saucepan and meet her excited eyes.

I try to rack my brain, but even before I get the chance to comprehend anything, she continues, "The Tobias's favourite."

I nod to affirm her.

"Can you cook that today? I think it can help cheer Tobias up."

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><p>I am about to take my leave after preparing lunch when Joanne stops me and asks, "Since you are going to clean Tobias room next-" <em>I don't really plan on doing so.<em> "-can you please bring his lunch to his room? Marcus may call it spoiling the boy, but I very much prefer to spoil him with food rather than with medicine. Another thing he's inherit from his father is his sensitive stomach."

I hesitantly nod my head and reply a "Yes Johanna. Uh-I mean, Joanne." _It is not like I have a choice to do otherwise... _

I pull out a clean plastic blue IKEA tray from the kitchen cabinet and place a glass of iced lemon tea and his plate of spaghetti on it. As I lift the tray from the kitchen counter and start to walk towards the staircase, the iced tea threatens to spill out; my arms are shaking, my legs are trembling. I am nervous and scared. I did not want to meet him because I was disappointed by the fact that he is dating Shauna; though I have no rights to stop him. But now, I am also nervous and very much terrified. Tobias is always so intimidating when he is in a bad mood. He can even scare a lion with his intense glare.

I balance the tray of Tobias's lunch on one hand and knock on Tobias's door with my other. Hoping that the plate of spaghetti won't slide off the tray considering my considerably very shaking hands. I am nervous. A little bit of nervous and a lot bit of scared. _How does an angry Tobias acts? _

_Get a grip on yourself, Tris!_

Hearing no reply, I knock on the door a couple more times.

"God! Can't you just leave me freaking alone?" His hoarse voice booms. He doesn't exactly sound sad or as if he had been crying, but more to angry, annoyed and frustrated.

I try to turn the doorknob, only to find it locked.

I can hear Tobias curse in annoyance as his loud thumping footsteps march closer to the door. He swings the door open slightly and displays his storming face. Then his eyes goes wide and the turbulence slowly fades away.

"I-I though you were Chris. I'm really sorry. Umm..." He scratches the back of his neck with one hand and swing the door slightly wider with his other. "So... Can I help you with something?"

_So... Just like that? And his mood is cool? _

"Yeah... You can help me with having lunch." I tell him.

"No. I don't really feel like meeting Marcus..." He drags off and looks down.

"No. You don't have to."

Tobias looks at me quizzically but realises something as his eyes widen.

"Oh god, thank you so much!" He exclaims as he pulls the tray from my hands.

"You seriously have _just_ realised the tray in my hands?" I ask him incredulously.

"Well..."

He leaves his sentence hanging and I laugh at him. His ears redden and he quickly turns away to plop on his bed with his lunch.

I enter my room and wheel the cleaning trolley straight to Tobias's room, closing the door behind me. Tobias is sitting on his bed with his legs crossed and his feet tucked under his legs. The plastic blue IKEA tray is still holding his drink on his bed-side drawer while his plate of spaghetti is held tightly in his hands.

I pull out the handheld vacuum cleaner from the cleaning trolley and start to vacuum the dust which have settled on the Tobias's grey curtains.

"When did you enter?" Tobias asks with his mouth full of spaghetti. I switch of the handheld vacuum and turn to look at him oddly. "Just now... Didn't you see me entering?"

Tobias's eyes widens in surprise. "No actually..." He replies. He cups his chin with his fingers and looks thoughtful. "I seriously did not see you enter..." He says, scratching his head and dishelving his hair, turning it into a massive mess. The his eyes gleam mischievously and I unintentionally cower. _What does he has in mind? _

"Maybe you cook too good. So good that I get so 'into the food' that I did not even realise you here." He throws me his favourite cheeky smile. "You should stop you know. Soon I'll get so fat and I'll end up with no partner for the winter ball at my school this year end..."

I roll my eyes at him, but seeing that his cheeky smile is still on his face, I quickly change the subject before he comes up with a 'brilliant joke'.

"So tell me, why are you sulking so much?" I ask him, knowing that this question will definitely sober him up.

Tobias's smiling face disappears and he pouts. "I am not sulking!" He cries out like a little kid. I snicker at his childishness and rephrase, "Okay then, why are you so angry at Marcus?"

Tobias sighs and twirls his fork in his spaghetti as he sets his plate down on his bed.

"It's kind of a long story."

"Not the whole thing, just why were you so angry at what he said this morning." I reply as I tie the curtains to the sides then walk to his messy desk to tidy it up.

"That? Well dad is always like.. forcing me to go out with that 'Shauna girl' and it really frustrates me."

"But I thought you _are_ going out with that 'Shauna girl'." I turn to look at him.

"What?! Where did you get the idea?"

"It just... Makes sense? And Joanne said that after you left this morning."

"Well I did went out with her before I left for Princeton and we did go to a couple of dates and all that, but it never worked out. She seems nice, but there's this rude side and stone head part of her which I really can't stand. Also, she doesn't exactly fit the criteria to be my second half. We don't even share the same interest other than stargazing."

"But Marcus mentioned something about what you did some day when you were being a drunken-err.. horny boy."

Tobias raises an eyebrow at me and gives me a _seriously_? look with a forkful of spaghetti halfway through its journey to his mouth. "They still believe that I bed that random red-head girl?"

A blush finds its way on my cheeks and I shrug to him.

Tobias shakes his head and place down his fork onto his plate. "I didn't. I found her on my bed with another guy really. We were having a party that night and we all got drunk. And honestly, I will never down two bottles of beers ever in my whole life again. Getting drunk is not the best thing to do. So anyway, we all got drunk. I dosed off on the couch. That red head and some friend of mine from high school found their way on my bed. I was kicking them out of my house when Chris caught us. She came up with the idea that I bed her, then tell mum and dad. Seriously, I won't bed with someone until I marry her. Or even if I don't, then I will at least be sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with the person. I am not one to irresponsibly do that to someone. So no. Whatever they said, it is all some seriously crappy myth which they believe it for I don't know what reason."

"So... You and Shauna aren't together?" I ask.

"Nah." He shakes his head and smiles at me before he resumes devouring his spaghetti.

I can feel the giddy part of me start to prepare myself to lunge happily into Tobias's arms, but of course the sane part of me holds her back.

"In fact, she can't even cook! And cooking is the first thing you need to know if you are planning to marry me." He takes a mouthful of spaghetti, "Well, it's not that her cooking is that bad. But compared to mum's, hers is horrible! You, on the other hand, are one hell of a great cook." He pauses and pretends to think. Then his eyes gleam. "You know, you just qualified yourself to be my second half." He gives me a cheeky smile.

I try to mask my giddiness by scoffing at him. "For your information, I had just disqualified myself by being a maid." I say, more to remind myself than him.

"Well, good news for you because _that _is never in my rule book." He replies with the same cheeky smile and mischievous eyes. He winks at me and I quickly turn away and let my hair down to shield my cheeks from his view as the blush returns to its seemingly favourite spot whenever I am with Tobias.

Tobias, don't you know how hard it was to hold back my giddy self back? You had just make it freaking ten times harder.

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><p><strong>PS: I thought I should notify that I write in English-English spelling and not American-English.**


	12. Chapter 11: Star Talk

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent... or Tupperware... Though I can claim rights to my plot-line... right?**

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><p>"So... you still get asthma attacks?" Christina asks as she and Tobias waits for their dinner-packs. Christina is going to stay at a friend's house for the night as she is having a 'study-sleepover'. Tobias will be meeting Matt because Matt needs some help installing some programs on his new laptop.<p>

"Yeah... Sometimes. If I get panicked or overly excited or things like that." I reply to Christina, paying more attention to the sizzling pan of buttered rice in front of me. I turn the gas off and fill in the blue Tupperware in my hands with some buttered rice.

"Do you get them if you're having like.. a bad nightmare?"

My eyes automatically shifts to Tobias's at Christina's question. Tobias is giving the conversation between his younger sister and I extra attention, I can obviously see that.

I resort to answering, "Sometimes." instead of a "Yes, every time."

I avoid Tobias's gaze although I can feel that he is trying to have me look at him and tell him more details about my nightmares. I wouldn't blame him for having the curiosity to know. If I keep on finding a little girl having asthma attacks because of some super horrifying nightmares, I myself would want to know what is the nightmare about and why is it so bad.

Without looking up at him, I give Tobias his Tupperware of buttered rice.

"Thanks." He whispers.

Tobias hesitates before walking out of the kitchen. A few seconds later, the kitchen door swings open again and Tobias reappears.

"I thought you left?" Christina asks.

"Yeah, I think I left my car keys on my desk upstairs." He replies. "Chris can you go and fetch them for me please?"

Christina turns to face me. "Can you go and get it Tris?" She asks.

"Christina! Get your lazy ass up! She's already cooking for you." Tobias scolds her.

"Says the guy who asked someone else to get his own car keys in the first place." Christina mutters to herself but marches out of the kitchen at any rate.

I grab a chair to get another Tupperware on the high cabinet to pack Christina's lunch but Tobias stops me by placing a hand on my forearm, sending tingles up my arm and signals to the 'giddy me' to pull him in for a hug.

"Hey, I told you that you should just ask for help whenever you need it." He says as he pulls out a pink Tupperware from the high cabinet.

"Well I'm not going to be having someone to help me all the time." I reply solemnly.

"But I'll always be here if you need to talk."

I look at Tobias quizzically as I try to grab his message, but the loud thump coming from Christina's feet as she lands down after leaping down the staircase is heard. And Tobias leaves me alone.

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><p><strong><em>The next morning...<em>**

Everyone realises that the atmosphere is slightly tensed as the Eatons are seated for breakfast. Marcus is not one to let go of grudges easily and Tobias isn't one who would ask for an apology if he is sure that he is right; and so they sit down for breakfast in a very awkward silence.

Christina occasionally tries to make them all talk about something; she even tried the weather. And Joanne sometimes give her replies, but Marcus stays stoic with his tablet and Tobias pretends that he is living in another world; just him and his plate of pancakes.

"Look Tobias, I know that I shouldn't have said what I said yesterday morning." Marcus starts with a sigh.

Tobias finally looks up from his plate of pancakes only to give a raised eyebrow to Marcus.

"I..." He lets out another loud sigh. "I just want to apologise, okay?"

Tobias just shrugs.

"Son... Can you please just..." He puffs out a breath and leaves the kitchen in silence.

Joanne places a hand on Tobias's forearm and slowly asks, "Tobias..."

"Yeah. I know. I should probably apologise for rudely speaking up to him too." Tobias says uneasily, fidgeting with his pancake at the same time.

"Duh! You shou- OUCH! Mum, I was just stating the obvious..."

Both Tobias and I snicker at the scene, but he quickly sobers up and, after shoving the last piece of pancake into his mouth, rises from his chair and goes off to look for Marcus and seek his apology.

"Well that went the wrong way. Dad and Tobias don't forgive each other. It's not the way their brain work- OUCH! Damn! Mum, stop hitting me."

Joanne tries to supress her smile of amusement as Christina pouts and 'sulkily' finish up her pancakes. "Bye mum!" Christina announces as she hops down from her stool and rushes out of the house.

I pick up Christina, Tobias and Marcus plates to place them in the sink.

"So how did it go?" Joanne asks Tobias as he returns from his 'seek forgiveness from Marcus' mission.

"Good. I guess." He shrugs, but everyone can see the small smile playing on his lips.

"Well, I need to go to the community service for a moment. Have a nice day sweety. Oh and Tris,"

I turn around and look at her. "Yes?"

"Remember to thaw the chicken for dinner alright?"

I nod my head to affirm her.

She places a kiss on Tobias's head and cheeks before running out of the door.

"She still kisses you before leaving?" I ask Tobias with a small grin.

"Yes. Now don't laugh at me." He answers with a little bit of a pout and a little bit of a smile shaping his lips.

I smile and turn my attention back to the dishes in my hands.

"Tris..." A hand lands on my left shoulder and I jump slightly when I feel sparks flowing down from it and to my back.

"Yeah?" I whisper out to him.

"Are you free tonight?"

"You're asking me out for a date?" I tease him.

"What?! Umm-no... I'm inviting you to come with me to the lookout tower tonight."

"For a date?" I tease him again.

"Tris... You know I'm serious here."

I laugh at him and nod my head. He leaves the kitchen with a wide smile.

I can't deny that I feel a little bit disappointed. I really _was just_ teasing him, but a little part got really excited when he asked "Are you free tonight?"

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><p>"So, you are telling me that you have never been up here because you are afraid of heights and are just coming to this lookout tower because you know that I will like it here." I ask in shock as I prop my head up with one arm to have a better view of Tobias.<p>

"Something like that..." He fidgets with a blue string he found nervously. "Well, I had once or maybe twice been up here with Joanne or Marcus during the first few weeks we moved in here. But other than that, nope."

I nod my head and sink back into the soft and grassy carpet.

"Maybe, I also have an ulterior motive all these while." He says after a long silent.

"You mean?" I ask him.

He keeps silent for a moment before saying, "You know, I really wish that you would open up to me more."

"What do you mean?"

"I meant it when I said that I want to help you out."

I look at him quizzically.

"You've been having nightmares every night in your sleeps and you always end up with an asthma attack." He tells me with an earnest face.

"You just made yourself sound like a creepy stalker."

"I know that you're having troubles sleeping at nights; I hear your cries and your screams, Tris."

"It doesn't happen all the time."

"Tris, if you remember, I spend most of the night at the balcony which is just outside your room. It kills me in the inside when I can't do anything to help you out."

It is not that I do not want him to help me. I do, I really do. But I hate to open myself up to someone- even to Tobias. It is.. better if they do not know of what have happened to me. In fact, I came here to Chicago as a new person, Teresa Brasen. Not as Helen Beatrice Prior. So all that have happened on the Buffalo Mountains have been left there.

But of course, the biggest piece of my past which I really want to forget have to reappear to ruin my new life in Chicago. He has to return to my life and continue making my nights a nightmare.

"Tris, please..."

But, he might be different. Not like dad or Al or Robert, Susan's brother. We were friends for a while before he left me because he thinks that I am a murderer. Maybe, just maybe, he will understand... "I.. I'll think about it." I whisper truthfully.

Tobias smiles at me and takes my hand in his to give it a little squeeze, "Thank you."

"_I_ should be the one thanking you. Not the other way round." I laugh a genuine laugh.

"No, _I_ want to thank you for trusting me. I really appreciate it."

"Then _I'll_ thank _you_ for caring so much about me."

"And we'll both go thanking each other for everything we do." He laughs.

We both stay quiet and stare off into the night sky. He cares so much about me even when I have always pushed him away when he was only helping me...

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

"What?!"

"I'm sorry." I repeat.

"Whatever in the world for?" Tobias asks in puzzlement.

"For being a bitch the other day when you offered to help me.. and the other day when you were helping me.. and the other day when-" Tobias's calloused index finger presses on my lips. My whole mouth freezes in his touch.. "Stop", he says.

I look up into his deep blue eyes and I can see his sincerity as he whispers, "Everyone acts like a bitch sometimes. In fact, I was a stranger to you, it is only common sense that you won't trust me just like that."

His thumb skims over my lips and I fight the urge to kiss it. His eyes behold mine in an intense gaze. So intense that I feel as if I am slowly melting under it.

Feeling overwhelmed, I turn away and mask my actions by teasing him, "So you are a '_was_ a stranger' to me, but no longer now?"

"Precisely." He replies proudly.

"How can you be so sure." I raise an eyebrow at him.

He mirrors my actions, taunting me, before he smirks and fall back down into the grassy carpet. "Because you won't slap me in the face if I kiss you full on the lips right now."

Darn it!

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><p><strong>AN: ****I know that Tobias might be slightly out of character. He's being the carefree Tobias which we rarely see in the Divergent Trilogy. However, this Tobias suits in my story better. He is no longer so damaged like how he is in the Divergent Trilogy; it'll make sense in the later chapters... And the whole 'does Marcus abuse Tobias' thing which lots of people have asked about will be explained later on too.**

**Oh! And also, I created a tumblr account upon request. My username's lyndaloyde. If you find the first post being of a cat picture with #cuteness being tagged on it, then you're at the right place ;) What I'm gonna post up there, I still am not so sure since I'm very new to it; but we'll see... I have a Google+ account which you might want to check out, though I never did anything much with it...**


	13. Chapter 12: Fear of Rejection

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>Everyone realises that Marcus is suddenly a bit too nervous for 'a Marcus' to be. He has been very silent, although not in the intimidating way, all through breakfast.<p>

"Hey mum, I'm going out again for another 'study sleepover' thing tonight and I hope you don't mind." Christina nervously asks as she plays with the scone in her hand.

"Yeah sure. It's all for your own good, right?" Joanne supports.

"Yeah..."

I've noticed that Christina have always seems nervous whenever she wants to ask permission for 'study sleepovers'. _Maybe Marcus isn't so fond of it?_

"So, Tobias." Marcus starts. "I was thinking, would you..." He leaves his sentence hanging as he tries to find a proper word. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind joining me at this- um.. dinner I am attending tonight."

Tobias chokes his scone at the word dinner. "Dinner!?" He splutters out.

Marcus nods to affirm him.

"You know how much I hate those stuff!" Tobias shouts in disgust.

"Tobias please... Don't make it hard on us." Joanne tries to calm the situation down. "It will and does seems weird for the public if they realise that you've never made an appearance for a long time."

"Actually, mum and dad are kind of right... It seems like we've been brought up with bad parenting or something." Christina _has_ to add in her opinion.

"And if they are true?" Tobias turns his attention to Marcus, "If they are true, should we fix them? Should we lie to them?"

Something flashes in Marcus's eyes... Anger, but it quickly fades away and his eyes are full of hurt.

"Tobias, what's in the past is best to be left as the past." Joanne pipes in again while holding Marcus back by placing a hand at the back of his shoulder.

Tobias scoffs, "It may be the past for you, but I still can't sleep _every night_because of him. EVERYTHING WHICH HAPPENED IS STILL AS CLEAR AS DAY IN MY MIND, MUM!"

Tobias storms out of the kitchen and leaves through the back door.

"I've done everything to rebuild the bridge between me and my son, Johanna dear. Haven't I've tried?" Marcus sobs as Joanne holds him tight.

"Yes dear, you have." Joanne answers, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"Then why hasn't he forgiven me? Why!?" He almost cries out.

"Some things take time."

"But I love my son... I love him and I want him to be a good man. I want him to grow up and be respected. I may have been harsh and hard on him. But I'm changing. Am I not changing Johanna?"

I don't feel comfortable staying here and listening to this. So instead of standing awkwardly by the sink, I leave the kitchen through the back door in a crazy attempt to find Tobias and knock some senses into his head. I know that I shouldn't be interfering their family business. But seeing Marcus with eyes so filled with sorrow and regret, it reminds me of the time when _I_ was trying to get the people I hurt to forgive me. What's worse is that they never will; they're dead...

I find Tobias with his knees tightly held to his chest and his face in his hands. He sits on the ground under the shade of the grand oak tree.

I walk slowly towards Tobias while keeping a third eye for any signs of Al. Kneeling down in front of him, I remember how it was when _I_ was trying to make Susan and Robert forgive me for.. breaking their hearts. But she never blamed me for it though. Although she was still heartbroken and I always spent my nights with her, listening to what she had to say. Both of us find talking a good way to release the tension in our bodies and make the problems we face much easier.

I pry Tobias's hands one by one from his eyes and place them on my lap, holding them tightly with my left hand. Dried tears stain his olive skin. I attempt to wipe the tear marks off his cheeks with my right thumb as he slowly looks up to me. His eyes are bloodshot.

"Talk to me." I whisper softly, holding his cheeks lightly with both my hands.

He takes a deep breath in. "You smell good. Like.. peaches."

I look at him quizzically; though I can't deny that a blush is creeping to my cheeks and a smile slowly finds its way on my lips.

"And your fingers-" He says as he pulls my right hand from his cheek and smells my fingers. "- they have this nice vanilla smell. Maybe its from the vanilla essence you added into the scones." He kisses the tips of my fingers one by one.

"You don't add vanilla essence in scones, Tobias."

Tobias shrugs and taps my nose. "There, I've talked to you." He announces proudly with a smile.

"Tobias!" I scold him while laughing.

He laughs along and the dimple on his cheeks appears.

We stay silent for a few moment before he sighs and pulls me into an embrace. I free my arms from being tightly trapped between Tobias and I and circle them around his waist. He nuzzles his face into my neck and I shudder as his warm breath tickles my neck. A moment later, he pulls his head away and rests his chin on the top of my head as I rest my cheek on his chest.

"I sometimes wish that I can change what I've done." He breathes out.

"Why?" I urge.

"Because... Because sometimes, I don't know why I do some things." His fingers weaves through my hair as he holds my head tightly to him with one hand while his other arm grips around my waist tighter. Over the last few days I've been with him, I've learned that he does this when he needs support. Like how he pulled me into his chest when we were climbing the creaking attic staircase; like how a little kid would hug his favourite teddy bear.

Funny how I tend to feel the need to do the opposite. Instead of hugging someone, I'd prefer to be hugged when I need support. Knowing that someone is there caring for you always makes me feel better.

"You mean to say that you don't always intend to do what you do?" I ask him softly.

"I mean that sometimes, I do things without thinking. I tend to do things on impulse.

I've once hurt my friend's brother just because I was angry at him for pulling a prank on me. It wasn't even a big prank, he just stick a toilet tissue to my shoe. But when the whole school laughed at me, I punched his nose till it bleeds...

And like with Marcus, I tend to just.. I don't know. I just shout at him and disobey him without a real purpose. I kind of.. act like a real jerk for no reason... It is as if there are different 'Tobiases' in me. And I can't choose which one will control my actions."

I pull my head out of his grip lightly and look up into his eyes, "But you can also be caring, like how you helped me when I was having an asthma attack even though I was a total stranger to you. And you are also very, very selfless. Honestly, I'd call those two versions of you as the most Tobias of the 'Tobiases'. The Tobias number one and the Tobias number two. The violent one can be Tobias number three." I tap his nose like what he did with my index finger which he quickly brushes off with a pout on his face.

I lay my head on his chest again and silently enjoy his warmth as he seeks my comfort. His grips aren't as tight, but he is still holding me firmly.

I am suddenly reminded of the real purpose of why I am here. "You know, you should probably say sorry to Marcus." I tell him after a long break of silence. "You may not be able to change what you have done all these years, but you can try to make up for it. You know, like say sorry or like be nice to him..."

"Yeah... I probably should. But..." He trails off.

"But?"

"But.. I am afraid to do that..." He sighs.

"Do that?"

"Yeah. Do that."

"But you just asked for his forgiveness yesterday."

"But that was just for the Shauna issue. Not for me being a jerk all these years..."

"Why?"

"Well, what if he doesn't forgive me?"

"What?! What makes you think so?" I look deep into his eyes and stroke his cheek as I watch his face turn from scared to worried and to scared again.

He nestles his face deep into the crooks of my neck and breathes in deeply. "I haven't been the best of sons. Not to say that he has been the best of fathers, but I've been worse. Until now, I still wouldn't let go of a grudge against him which I should have years ago." He starts to slowly rock himself back and forth with his head still buried deep in the crook of my neck.

I know how it feels like to be afraid that my apologies may not be accepted. Although in my case, I'd beg the people who I've wronged to forgive me 24/7 if that is what it takes. However, Tobias fears that his father will not forgive him, reject him and call him not worthy of a son. It is as if he strongly believes in it. But for Tobias, listening to Marcus saying it would be much, much worse. He is afraid to know what Marcus may think of him, judge of him.

I softly comb Tobias's dark brown hair with my fingers in an attempt to soothe him down as I give him my opinion, " You know, he loves you. He will always love you no matter what. It's something all fathers do."

He looks at me in surprise. "You really think so?"

"Tobias, he didn't enrol you into Princeton if he does not believe in you and your capabilities and is not proud to call you his son, paint the house with your favourite colours if he doesn't care about you and all the million other things he has done for you if he doesn't love you.

Marcus may have been wrong for not considering your thoughts and feelings about the fundraising dinner. But it doesn't mean that you shouldn't say sorry for being a jerk to him. Sorry is a powerful word. And all those who are too proud to admit their mistakes are fools who live in their own minds."

"No." He shakes his head. "Marcus was right. It is not right for the mayor's son to not attend the mayor's own fund raising dinner. It's not because I am his son or the president's son or anyone important, but because I am a part of the community and it is only right for all of us to be concerned of the problems we face and help each other to solve them." He pauses for a brief moment before adding, "In fact, Marcus do teaches us to be selfless."

"Yeah." I nod my head slowly. "I remember you telling me that."

"I did?" he asks with fake wonder.

"Quote: Scold my dad for bringing me up to be a selfless brat." I answer him with a smirk.

"Ahh..." He nods. "But you are leaving a few words out of that sentence."

"I am?"

"Yes, you are."

"Tell me what they are then." I challenge him while crossing my arms around my chest.

Tobias smirks at me before he proudly announces, "because now, I can't stand the sight of a little girl-"

"Stop! Just don't continue." I clamp his mouth shut with my hand and I can feel his mouth puckering. His eyes gleams mischievously before I feel something wet touching my palm. My eyes widen as I realise what he just did.

"Eww! Tobias you're such a jerk." I scream, wiping his saliva off my palm on his sleeves as he smirks at me.

"_That_," He taps my nose again. "is Tobias number Four."

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><p><strong>AN: And now Tobias has a nickname... Four ;D**

**Acacia has reached 100 reviews! Thanks a lot for your support guys ^^ Carry on your continuous support and remember, I appreciate constructive criticisms too. They help me see where I am wrong. And of course, the other reviews always makes my day :)**

**Anyone would love to read a very in-depth 'Andrew abuses Tris' Divergent fanfiction? Read _Silver Scars_ by _Xx Misericordia xX. _Still set in the Divergent universe, Tris has a hard-time adapting to her life in Dauntless as she tries to survive the harsh initiation she needs to succeed in order to ensure that she doesn't falls factionless. However, the harsh ways of Dauntless is the last thing she needs to worry about- she needs to first fight her own inner demons. The other side of her which is repeatedly taking control over herself in order to help her survive not only in Dauntless, but also while under Andrew's care. Although this side may seems handy to help her pass her initiation, this side of her is a cold side which doesn't take any mercy to perform a task once instructed by whoever is her current commander. A cold person who has lost her own free-will to do anything, even to be happy, as long as she survives. She leaves her friend, Colm who she meets and befriends during her first day at Dauntless. And Tobias, the greatest person to have ever existed in her life who she have been inseparable with for years, she even left Tobias. Despite all that, Tobias is trying hard to bring back that old Tris who have been his best friend, and who he loves. He knows that hidden behind the cold 'Skylar' who is hiding his beloved lover somewhere deep inside... he knows that Tris is still there...**

**... That is not the real synopsis. Look for the story and check it out. The story is really awesome ;)**

**Follow me on tumblr! Look for lyndaloyde and you'll find me :)**


	14. Chapter 13: Never Talk To Strangers

**A/N: N****ow lots of you guys find the whole Al thing confusing. I hope this will help clear things out:**

**Well, Al is a person from Tris's past who assaulted her. Al continued to haunt her in her dreams because she was traumatised by the event. She pleaded to Jeanine to move somewhere else because she taught that a change of surrounding would help her get over it once and for all. However, she finds herself facing Al in real life...**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.<strong>

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><p>"Umm.. dad?" Tobias asks nervously as he knocks on Marcus's study door.<p>

Hearing no reply, Tobias starts to turn around, giving up; or I'd call it, cowering away from his own fear.

I shove him back to Marcus's door and knock three sharp knocks on the door before hiding around the corner. I hear the door creak open.. and a brief moment of silence.

"Dad I.. I... I wish to apologise for being a jerk to you dad."

"No Tobias. _I_ shouldn't have forced you into it."

"That's the point. You didn't even forced me into anything. Whenever you invited me to attend your fundraising programs or any of those things similar, you've never forced me into them. You've always asked nicely, but I will always reply like a jerk with rude and snide remarks. I can't really blame you for being rough at me when I act like a real jerk first. I just.. hope that you will forgive me."

"But Tobias, I've wronged you and hurt you far more then what you have done to me. I only deserve your hatred, son."

"No dad. _I_ am wrong when I hold grudges against you. And really, I've probably never told you before, but really, I have long forgiven you for those- um.. things you did to me all those years ago."

I can't hear anything else for a few seconds so, desperate to know what is going on, I lean my head around the corner and take a peak at Marcus and Tobias.

Tobias is being held in a tight embrace by Marcus and Marcus is silently spilling tears from his eyes. When Tobias pulls himself from the embrace, he notices the stray tears and quickly wipes them off.

"Hey don't cry dad."

"I just... It's just that..." Marcus chokes between sobs. "Even though I've hoped for it, I didn't really expect you to forgive me. I haven't been the nicest of dads. More like a sad excuse for a dad. But I love you. I really do."

"Dad, I haven't been a very good son either. And I myself was worried that you wont forgive me."

"Tobias, I've never not forgiven you ever since Johanna have knocked me to my senses. So don't worry about it."

They allow themselves to be wrapped by a few moments of silence as they smile at each other.

"So umm..." Marcus nervously clears his throat. "So would you.. you know-um.. Would you come to the dinner with me?"

Tobias laughs out, "Dad, you sound as if you're asking me out on a date. And yes, I _am_ going with you."

I smile and leave Tobias and Marcus to let them have their own privacy.

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><p>Tidying up Tobias's room is probably the worst chore I have to do. It is fine during the few occasions when he is in the room with me. But when he isn't here, it is torturous. Why? Because the intoxicating smell of Tobias makes me want to hug him so much or at least, hear him say something. When you smell him yet he isn't there with you, it is as if his ghost is surrounding you, torturing you with that twisted ache in your chest which will only be healed by a hug from himself. Gathering his used comforter, I can't help squeezing it tightly to my chest. It may not heal my aching pain, but it soothes it a little.<p>

"Err... Tris?"

I jump up at the sudden sound of a voice which literally sends shivers down my spine and turn around to find the owner of the ghost who is causing the ache in my chest.

"Why are you hugging my comforter?" Tobias asks incredulously, pointing at his comforter which is still held tightly to my chest. I can see the ghost of a smile flying around his lips as he tries to understand what exactly I am doing.

"Uhh..." I try to look for a reason which is not_ it soothes the pain you are causing me_. "I'm smelling it. You know, it might have already turned smelly and I, you know, have to like change it if it smells bad."

"Right... The comforter which you have just changed a few days ago?" His lips fighting off the urge to smile

I just shrug my shoulders and pray to god that he will drop the subject.

He luckily does as he just walks straight to his cupboard and buries his head deep into it.

I continue to cover the comforter over the mattress of his bed as he starts to hum a song. It is when I start to tuck the edges of the comforter in between his bed do I realise that he have taken off his shirt and is starting to take a white one out of his cupboard. His shoulder blades shifts as he pulls the hanger out of the shirt and starts to unbutton it. He pulls a sleeve up his right arm and his biceps muscles flex when he pulls the other sleeve to his left side.

He turns around and catches my shamelessly staring eyes. With a smirk he remarks, "Not a very conservative lady are we?"

Heat rises onto my cheeks and I scurry out of the room in deep embarrassment.

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><p>I wave a goodbye to Marcus, Johanna and Tobias as Christina and I watch Marcus's black car being driven further and further away from the house. Just as Christina and I are about to leave the house for the grocery store, a blue Chevy stops in front of us. The driver rolls down his window and addresses to Christina, "Thought I'd give you a ride." He then turns to look at me and asks, "You're the new maid?"<p>

I awkwardly nod my head and eye the nervous Christina.

Christina furiously marches to the driver who has an uncountable amount piercings and tattoos on him. Christina whispers harshly to him which allows me to only catch parts of it, "I thought I told.. fucking 15 kilometre radius.. What if.. sees..."

"Come on babe, you told me he isn't home. I didn't get to greet you at the door nor send you back home during our first date-"

"Hush it Eric!"

Seeing that Christina is in a very heated argument with the 'Eric' and they are not going to stop anytime soon, I excuse myself telling Christina that I'll go to the groceries alone if she has to attend to other things. She quickly brushes me off.

So I lurk into the shadows and leave Christina and the Eric guy alone. I set off to look for a grocery which is still opened at this hour because Johanna wants me to buy some carrots and lettuce.. urgently. She asked Christina to accompany me since it is dangerous for a girl to walk alone in the night; but I do not want to disturb Christina if she has other plans.

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><p>I walk down the back alley of the grocers, struggling to fight off the rare strong summer wind. I should have brought a sweater. I try to make sure that I have a good grip on the paper bags filled with vegetables from the grocery. Why did I even agree on going to the grocery in the night?<p>

As I am just about to take a left turn, I hear footsteps, heavy footsteps advancing towards me. I turn around and see a man with tussled orange hair. His shirt is crumpled and messy. His eyes are bloodshot.

The man stops me and asks for directions to get to the Cleveland Avenue. I map out the directions for him, occasionally signaling with my hands to help him imagine the path to get there, but he insists on having me lead him the way since he is afraid that he might get lost. Since Oliver street is just nearby Cleveland Avenue, maybe I should help this man out?

As I walk deeper into the dark alley, the man places a hand on my right shoulder to make sure that he doesn't loose me. But when the hand slowly slides to my other shoulder and he rests his elbow on my right shoulder, I start to feel uneasy about him. Our sides are touching as I continue to lead him to Cleveland Avenue. When his arm slides down to circle my waist, I quickly jump out of the man's embrace letting out a scream, "What are you doing!"

"Just helping an old friend." He shrugs. "I think you dropped this?" He picks something up from the ground and places it in my hand.

A bottle of sage and lemon grass smelling oil.

I look up again and find Al standing right beside the orange head.

Run!

My feet quickly shifts its way away from Al, but I can still hear him closely behind. Out of panic, I didn't realise that the lane I chose leads to a dead ending. Upon seeing the wall blocking my path, I stop dead in my tracks and my heart starts to beat rapidly. Sweat trickles down my back as I turn around and find Al blocking my only escape with a malicious smile. Behind him, a silhouette comes nearer and nearer until I can see his face, the man who wanted directions to go to Cleveland Avenue.

"What's wrong Beatrice? Too scared of smelling oils, huh? That's a bit pathetic don't tchu think." He laughs.

I step back as Al advances nearer and nearer towards me. He takes his time to approach me, probably toying with me for he probably finds this whole thing fun. But whatever his intentions are, it makes me more and more terrified . Every second he takes kills me and every word he utters sends the chills into me.

"It's a pity that you still have no one to protect you until now isn't it?"

My back hits the wall and he is still advancing nearer.. just two feet away.

"Why Beatrice? Too stiff in fright to say anything?"

One foot away... I can just smell the sage and lemon grass smelling oil he so loves to use.

"It's amazing how I'll need to use a fucking chloroform to get the other girls to stop moving and do whatever the hell I want to do with them. But you, for you Beatrice, I just need a bottle of sage and lemon grass to 'stiffen' you."

He steps even closer and the smell of sage and lemon grass starts to overwhelm me. His towering body just two inches away from mine. He bends his head down to look at me and I can see the look in his eyes are of pure excitement.

His thumb brushes over my cheek, I am tempted- no. I _want_ to brush it off. But he is right, I am frozen in fear and no matter what I try to tell my body to do, they just won't do it.

I just hate how much control he has over me. How he is so right when he says that just a whiff of sage and lemon grass can paralyse me. I hate it and I want to change it, but it is so so hard.

"It is such a pity that you're not pretty-" his hands trails down to my chest. God! Do something, Tris! "-and you don't have a very beautiful body. Or I would enjoy fucking you more."

He is going to... No! I can't let this happen! He's done this once I can't let it happen again.

"Oh no, poor Beatrice is starting to have an asthma attack." He snickers.

No. Please no! Not now. Calm down, Tris. Breathe. Remember what dad always says? Always remember to bring an inhaler. No. That won't help. Remember what Tobias always says? Breathe. Just calm down and breathe.

"But... I think I'll still enjoy making you cry wouldn't I?" A malicious smirk crosses his face and his hand lands on the insides of my thigh.

"No. Stop it please don't do this." I fucking cried out. I've never hated myself more than now. I hug my chest and crouch down, struggling to breathe. His 6 feet 4 height towers over me crazily and it is not helping me to calm down at all.

"Don't cry dearie, I'll go so especially slow on you. You don't have to be afraid." His hand inches closer to where the apex of my thighs. "I'll make it so special that every detail of it will be saved deep in your memories with special care."

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><p><strong>AN: **I love leavin' a cliffy :K****


	15. Chapter 14: Half A Dream

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p><em>Beep.. Beep.. Beep..<em>

It feels like I am only halfway in dreamland. I definitely am sleeping, but the voices I hear telling me things they're thinking about are very real.

"Hey Tris. You're in there? I'm missing your smiles and your sweet voice. Come back to us real quick can you?" _Tobias..._

"Hey umm... I'm... I'm sorry I didn't... I'm sorry that I was so stupidly selfish and in the middle of something else that I did not think of the consequences of letting you walk alone at all. I... I shouldn't have... I wish I didn't." _Why are you sorry, Christina? Did something bad happened?_

"You better heal quickly. Dad is making me do the chores at home *nervous chuckles* and I don't really enjoy doing them."

"Tobias is complaining about bad breakfast food. Apparently, my pancakes are too sweet and not 'eggy' enough." _He likes to eat them with lots of honey. You have to cut the sugar from the pancakes, Christina._

"Hey Tris. I really miss your cooking you know... Christina really isn't meant to be a cook. I pity his future husband and kids. Come back to us real fast okay." _Where am I? Oh yes, I am in Dreamland..._

"Tris, you seem to have given life into Tobias in some ways. Instead of the normal jerk he once was, he's turned into a nicer person. And I really appreciate that. I really, really appreciate that. But ever since you're not with us, he's gone to the old jerk he once was. And he frets and complains a lot too." _That is just Tobias number three and Tobias number four, Johanna._

"I thought I'd visit you one last time before leaving to Hammond with Marcus tomorrow.

We actually saw you talking to Tobias in the garden the other day. At first Marcus was going to kill you because it looked like you guys were.. err.. flirting. He was going to kill the whore and his horny son. But then he realises that you were actually trying to comfort him. So we left the two of you alone to it.

And really, I know that Tobias won't apologise without needing someone to convince him to. So I know that you must have knocked some senses into his head. I would really like to thank you, Tris. Thank you for rebuilding their bridge."

"You look so much like Helen." _Dad?! Is that you?_

_Beep... Beep... Beep..._

"Tris?"

_Tobias?_

"You're still in there right?"

Long calloused fingers snake around my hand. Warm hands hold mine and gives them a little squeeze.

"I really miss you Tris. Whenever I stand at the balcony, I'm all alone you know... And I try to go up to the lookup tower, but I've never made it to the top..."

I want to comfort him I so want to. But I am not sure how. I know that he is sitting somewhere beside me, talking to me and holding my hands. But I am not sure where in the world am I and how to squeeze his hands back. My mind somehow just doesn't knows how to send the message to my hands. I scream to it to move, I command my eyes to open; but none of them are doing what I tell them to.

"Tobias?" Comes that incredibly familiar voice again. I swear that it belongs to dad. _But it couldn't possibly be- he is dead._

"Tobias, you haven't eaten much. Come have something please. You are going to grow sick." Enters another voice. This one most definitely belongs to a female.

"It's okay I'm not hungry." Tobias stiffly replies.

"Tobias please... I fried your favourite pasta."

"I'm fine Mar." Tobias's voice is growing more stern.

"Tobias, you need to have something, at least maybe a glass of-"

"I SAID I AM FINE SHAUNA! LEAVE ME THE FUCKING HELL ALONE!"

My inside cringes at Tobias's outburst; I am not sure if my body did.

The sounds of a door creaking close reaches my ear. Soon, I hear a loud sigh and feel the right side of the bed I am on caves in.


	16. Chapter 15: Truth Always Hurts

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>I open my eyes and find myself staring at a white plaster ceiling. I take in my surroundings and find a few machines on my left and a lot of chords attached to me. My hands are wrapped in some kind of bandage and a lot of tubes are taped onto the back of my hand. My chest also has some things sticking onto it. Rails stands at the sides of my bed. <em>Am I in a hospital?<em>

"Hi there."

I turn to look at my right side and find a man smiling warmly at me. He has spectacles framing his eyes and I am sure that I've seen him sometime during my stay here at Chicago... if I am still in Chicago.

"Hey." I croak out.

"I'm your doctor."

"Doctor?"

"Yes. My name is Matthew Greene."

_Greene..._ I've heard that name somewhere.

"I'm going to do a few check-ups on you to see how much of these machines you can get rid off. It seems like you are healing surprisingly well."

"Wait. Why am I in a hospital at the first place? What happened to me anyway?"

Then it all comes rushing back- the whole night scene comes rushing back to my mind and a heavy fear builds up inside me. I cannot remember a single second of what happened that night other than being chased down the alley and seeing Al's sadistic eyes.

"Oh..." I barely whisper.

The doctor just gives me an "I am so sorry for your condition" look and an apologising nod.

I am not sure how long it take for the nurses to finish placing straps on me and injecting things in me and the doctor telling me some things which doesn't really processes in my brain. After the long hours of wait, they finally take off some of the machines from me and wheeled them out of the room.

The doctor stands at the left side of my bed as he jots down some things.

"Okay Miss Brasen, I foresee that you will be out of here in probably a week or two."

I nod my head in understanding. "Thank you doctor Greene. You can just call me Teresa please."

"You are welcomed and I will try to keep that in mind. I'd ask you to just call me Matt since I'm a friend of the family you work for and they all seem to be pretty concerned of your well-being. So I assume that you guys have built strong connection ties with each other. But I am not sure if I am allowed to let my patients call me on a nickname basis."

"Wait. Your father is that David Alden Greene, good friend of Marcus Eaton right?"

"Precisely." He nods. "So before I leave, is there anything else I may help you with?" Dr. Greene asks with his eyebrows raised.

Then suddenly it snaps into my mind... the words Al said. He said that he is going to enjoy making me cry, seeing me in pain. I feel the ghosts of his hands on the insides of my bare thighs.

I bite the insides of my cheek and think if I want to ask my next question. I can not know about it and just imagine that nothing happened can I? Knowing it will be.. will be...

"What happened to me?" I can't stop myself from asking.

Dr. Greene lets out a long sigh. "I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that."

"Why?" I suddenly really want to know what happened to me.

"Because... It is not in my place to tell."

"But you _are_ my doctor. You can at least inform me of my health condition." I push.

"You are healthy." He answers quickly.

"Not that way. Like medical conditions and like what happened to me medically... you know?"

My anxiety starts to eat my brain and patience as he keeps silent for a long time.

"Aren't you going to say something?" I ask impatiently.

"You were battered and horribly bleeding when you were brought here. You were unconscious because of the lack of oxygen in your lungs, probably out of an asthma attack and also because you have lost a terrifyingly amount of blood."

"That's all?" I ask relieved. So he didn't do _it_ to me?

"We put you into a comma to allow you to heal better... You were naked."

"Nothing else, right?" I hope. He didn't...

"And after running some tests, we found out that you had been.. let's call it penetrated."

_No..._

No, no in a million times NO!

No this can't have happened.

"Teresa, you need to calm down."

This is all just a dream right?

_Just a dream..._

Yes, I will wake up in the safe arms of Tobias and he'll comfort me. Just like last time.

Yes, that is what will happen.

"Tris?"

Tobias is already by my right side, looking down at me with worry filled in his eyes.

"Tris you're crying what's wrong." He slowly reaches for my cheeks and wipe the tears away.

"Wake me up Tobias." I tell him, I ask him.

"What do you mean?" He looks at me quizzically. Like he is not understanding it. Like.. I am actually not dreaming and I am wide awake and he _can't_ wake me up.

"Wake me up! This is all just a nightmare right?" I desperately need him to agree with me. This just have to be a dream. A very bad dream.

He doesn't answers me.

"He didn't do it right?" I ask him again.

He looks away. _No..._

"Tobias please tell me all this did not happen! Please!"

"I-I-I'm sorry Tris."

My mind goes blank. This isn't a dream. No. It cannot be real. It just cannot be true.

I desperately try to convince him.. convince me, that all this is just a nightmare. But he just stands there with a sad look on his face and couldn't bring the heart to say no and say that I am acting foolish for thinking that this is all a dream.

I scream.

I scream and I scream until my throat runs dry.

Tobias sits on the bed and pulls me into his arms. And I can't stop my tears from breaking the dam in my eyes any longer. The current is too strong and my tears all spill out. "Wake me up, please. Tell me all this is not true."

"I am sorry Tris. So, so sorry Tris."

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><p><strong>AN: I am on tumblr: _lyndaloyde_**


	17. Chapter 16: Living Nightmares

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>It is hard to differentiate the reality and the dreams. I'm always hearing voices, normally Tobias or Christina. I always see them. I know that they really are here with me. But sometimes I hear things that they couldn't possibly have said or seen them doing things they would never do... I don't know which are the truth and which are just my own mind playing tricks on me.<p>

Sometimes, it feels like I am just dreaming, but they turn out to actually be real. Or sometimes I am so sure that what I see is the reality, but I can hear Tobias's deep voice telling me to calm down and they are just dreams.

I get confused, scared- terrified really.

* * *

><p>"Yeah sure Dad... It's okay, we'll be fine... Yes, we understand... Yes Dad... Okay... Okay. Thank you Dad, hope to see you soon too."<p>

"He's extending his stay at Hammond?"

"Yes. He'll be back in a week at the shortest."

"Tobias?"

"Yes Chris?"

"Is she going to be okay?"

"Yes Chris. She definitely will. You heard what Matt said."

"I don't mean physically... I mean emotionally."

A deep and long sigh... "I.. don't know. Have she eaten?"

"She doesn't want to eat. She's keep on saying things like she is just dreaming and why should she eat in dreams and it is better to die in a nightmare... I don't know what to do."

"Is she sleeping?"

I quickly close my eyes and pretend to sleep, not really feeling like facing Tobias at the moment.

"Tris?" A hand touches my wrist.

He pushes me to the ground roughly and pins me down by the wrists. I trash and try to pull myself away.

"Tris it's me, Tobias. Calm down Tris."

"Tobias?..."

"Yes Tris." My name sounds beautiful flowing out of his mouth. Beautiful and pure.

_You're none of those, Tris. None of those. You're just a dirty and ugly used up girl who can't even keep her pants to herself. _

"Tris." Tobias speaks to me again. "Tris talk to me Tris, please." He strokes my hair gently and I find it soothing, comforting.

"Please Tris." A hand lands on my waist.

I jump back and push the hand away. "Don't touch me!"

"Tris?"

He grips my waist tightly and restrains my hips from moving away. I feel something lightly pressing itself onto the meeting point of my thigh. I try to jerk myself away, but the hands grip me tightly. I trash and fling my arms in front of me. Just trying to keep him away from me. Far away from me.

However, he's too strong and those arms keep me pinned down to the ground harshly. I gasp and choke as I feel a hand grips tightly on my throat, cutting off my air-system and depriving my brain from oxygen. It hurts and things starts to get fuzzy. My chest is already aching like hell- this is even worse. I try to gather all the breath and energy I have to breathe out just four words, "Albert please, stop it".

A sinister smile sweeps onto his lips. "You better hold in your breath because this is really going to sting."

In unavoidable, undeniable pain, my body screams, my ears ring, my eyes are brimmed with tears and the world turns black.

* * *

><p>"Alright Tris. You are getting better, but you need to start eating solid food. You can't depend on the feeding tube forever."<p>

"I... I just don't have the appetite."

"What do you usually love to eat."

I shrug. What do I love to eat?

Dr. Greene sighs.

"Well, whatever it is, I need to check on the knife wound on your stomach."

"There's a wound on my stomach?"

"Yes Teresa. That is the reason why you feel some burning pains from time to time. Other than the aches in your lower abdomen and thighs because of the pelvic pain."

The nurse draws the curtains around my bed close leaving her, Dr. Greene and I alone in this private area.

"I am going to peel off the bandage which is wrapping the wound on your stomach. Then I will apply some medicated cream on it, okay?" He asks.

I nod to assure him.

He places a hand on the end of my hospital gown which is just above my knees. He pulls it slowly, but his fingers brush my skin. I gasp out of shock as he places a hand on the insides of my thigh. His hands inches further and further north and my dress rides up with it.

"This is going to sting."

"Stop!"

"Teresa?"

Something sharp pierces through the skin on my stomach. I scream in pain and agony.

"I'm sorry. I need to apply these on your wound to help it heal." Dr. Greene looks at me with worry laced on his voice as he dabs a cotton swab on my stomach.

The few times when I wake up from my living nightmares are real miracles. I wish I can just wake up from this whole dream altogether.

I must keep on telling myself that if I pretend that all of this is just a dream, it may really just be a dream. Right? Right. So I will imagine that none of that night happened.

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><p><p>

**A/N: I'm really sorry that this chapter is like really short, and has no Fourtris in it, but I just couldn't find the right way to combine this chapter and my next one. I hope you guys don't mind much... I promise a quick update if the reviews hit the 160 mark by tomorrow :)**

**Also, a guest suggested me to write a chapter with Tobias's POV about the previous chapter's incident. I was actually planning to do that, just I wasn't thinking that it'll be something that many would be interested in. Now that you've mentioned it, I'll keep it in mind and try to get my ideas down. Thanks for the suggestion :)**

**Love you all and a happy new year!**


	18. Chapter 17: Denying Reality

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>I wake up to low murmurs and the even breathes of Tobias. I look to my right side and find Tobias with his head laid down on the mattress of the bed and his arms around it. The ache spurring in my lower abdomen and my pelvic bone are so painful. I close my eyes and try to imagine that none of the pain I am feeling are real- I try to at least. Because if they are real, then it must means that what had happened to me were real- not just a dream.<p>

"Morning Teresa."

I jump slightly at the sudden voice and look to my left to find Dr. Greene standing there with a clipboard in his hands.

"I'm just doing some check ups on you. Don't worry."

Halfway through the check up, Tobias starts to stir awake. He looks at me and tilts his head to one side.

"Hey there Blondie." He teases.

"Hey there Four." I tease him back.

He laughs lightly and smile his charming smile which I realise I've missed a lot. It somehow fills up a large portion of my empty heart.

"You know, I miss your smiles and your sweet voice."

I blush shyly at his words. "Why?" I ask.

"I just do. They always make me so happy."

"Are you good?" He asks me with concern just as Dr. Greene leaves the room.

"I... I actually don't know." I confess.

"Why don't you talk to me about it."

"About what?"

"About the whole night."

"What night?" I ask him.

_It was just a dream!_

"Tris. You have to start accepting the truth."

_The truth that the other night wasn't a dream?_

"I know that it hurts. The truth really hurts. But you have to know that you can't run away from it. Nothing which happened in our lives can be considered as just a past history or a wild dream."

I can't bring myself to look back in his eyes. I feel.. guilty. So I look away and stare at the heart monitor beside me. It has a tattered look to it. As if it have been beaten up and more or less broken...

Just like my heart...

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><p>I hear three soft knocks on the door before it slowly creaks open. A head pops out from behind the door and I look at it curiously.<p>

"Hey there Tris. You- umm- remember me right?"

I look at her and inwardly laugh. _Of course I remember you. You're my crush's ex._ "You are Shauna right?"

"Yeah. That's me." She smiles happily. "I... I just came here because I thought that I'd like to umm... help you out."

This sends me wondering. "Help me out with what?" I ask her.

"Well... Tobias told me about what happened to you-" _Great. Another person to act like a therapist. _"-and I thought that maybe, I can help."

A sigh in annoyance and ask her what exactly does she wants to help me with.

"I.. I know how it feels to feel ashamed of yourself. And feel like you are not-"

"Look. I am not feeling any of those."

"Oh. I-I thought-"

"Well you thought wrong so just forget about helping me with anything and leave me alone!"

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><p>"How're you doing?" Christina asks with a very worried face.<p>

_Why is she so worried?_ "Good I guess. Why?"

"Nothing. I just was worried that-"

"Look. It was all _just_ a bad dream okay? So stop talking about it."

"_Tris_," she says sternly. "It may be easy for you to imagine that none of it happened."

"I am not imagining it!"

"Whatever! But it isn't easy for me to eat up the guilty feeling in me. I left you. Now look what that's done to you. It is not easy for me to keep on waking up in the morning and wish that I didn't leave you alone!"

"Christina... You didn't leave me alone, I left."

"No. I was too busy with... I was too worried about other things and I wasn't thinking straight. I didn't stop you."

"Christina, just forget about it. It was just a really, really bad dr-."

"Stop saying that. It is not and never will be a dream!"

"Look. If you are here just to get me to believe some crappy tales then just forget about it and leave the hell out of my room!"

And she storms out of the room.

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><p>Dr. Greene is trying to convince me to consult to a therapist- and he is really annoying me.<p>

"We can... umm... get a therapist if that can help, Teresa?"

"I don't need any therapist, doctor." I reply as snidely as I can. Hopefully, he can get the message this time that I really do not need one; that all I need is a Tobias who will wake me up.

"Look, Teresa. Many others have faced these problems and I've seen them heal under a therapist's help."

I am starting to boil in the inside. Can't he ever leave me alone and stop all these therapist thing. I just need to wake up. Why can't he understand that?

"All they will do is just insist that all this is real and like all this is happening and like I am not dirty or I am not at fault! They won't tell me the truth! They won't tell me that THIS IS ALL A DREAM!"

He finally gets the clue and leaves my room in silence.

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><p><strong>AN: Not so happy with how this one turned out actually...**

**I'm on tumblr: ****_lyndaloyde_**


	19. Chapter 18: Forgetting Is Never The Way

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>"So when do you think can she be discharged?" Tobias asks Dr. Greene after I have annoyed him on asking the doctor to let me out of this hospital. I am done of it. The antiseptic chemical thingies' smell and the beeping sound of the heart monitor beside me are making me sick. The constant attention from doctors and nurses are getting me very, very irritated too. And the worried looks everyone is giving me also reminds- no, makes me feel as if I am a victim of cruelty- which I am not.<p>

"Not today for sure, but I think you can take her for a walk if she wants to. Give her legs a little stretch and let her breathe some fresh air. It will do her some good." Dr. Greene replies.

"But Dr. Greene, I'm already well. I've got no fever and no asthma problems for days..." I protest.

Dr. Greene bites the insides of his cheeks. "But you are suffering vaginitis and we do not want it to get worse."

_Vaginitis can be caused by a million things; not just by sexual violations._

"I'm fine. It'll go off soon." I try to assure him.

Dr. Greene sighs heavily, "Infections don't just _go off soon. _It needs to be treated and monitored until it is gone." He keeps silent for a few minutes and massages his forehead before announcing, "Look. I have just finished my practicals and I am very, very new to this. So I really do not want to take any risks. But... I will ask a senior doctor here to help me. Is that okay?"

I grumble and huff in annoyance, but nod anyways.

"Thanks Matt." Tobias says as he sits at the edge of my bed and holds my right hand softly.

"But you really should go for a walk. It will help you out." Dr. Greene says before he leaves.

Tobias starts to rub soothing, calming circles on the back of my hand and I sigh in pleasure. I decide to succumb into the comfort Tobias is offering. So I close my eyes and drop my head on the white, surprisingly plushy and comforting pillows.

Tobias's chuckles break me out of my blissful serenity. I open my eyes and look up to him with my eyebrows raised in question. "Come on Tris", he says with the evidence of a smile still apparent on his face. "We need to get you walking. You can take some rest later."

He lifts the white blanket off of my lower body and help me pry my legs out of the tangles of the gigantic blanket. I let my feet hang off the bed and stare at my bare legs.

My skin looks pale. So pale that it almost blends in with the creamy white hospital gown I am wearing which had ridden up to my mid-thighs.

Countless cuts and bruises colours my pale skin. Most of the bruises on my thighs are of an obvious shape of a hand. Possibly his hand-prints. I hate them the most because whatever reason I can come up with as to why those hand-prints are there, all of them have to be because of some sort of abuse.

I remove the oxygen tube from my nose and try to breathe in without it. It feels weird because the quantity of air I can take in is much less and it troubles my lungs.

"You're ready to go now?"

Tobias is still holding my right hand in his left. His hand is warm and it radiates a calming aura.

"I don't know. I need to catch my breath. It is not easy adapting to breathe without the aid of an oxygen tank."

"It's okay. Just take your time."

"Thanks."

I breathe in and out a couple of times before I can get a good grip of my breathing.

"Let's go." I finally say.

Tobias fits my feet in a pair of flip-flops. I softly land my feet onto the ground, but pain quickly shoots through from my lower abdomen to my thighs as soon as I place my weight on my legs. The pain spurring in me is too unbearable and my knees buckle in.

"Tris!" Tobias shouts as he catches me before I fall.

"It hurts." I seethe out through gritted teeth as I try to hold in the unbearable pain.

"It's okay, we'll take it slowly okay?" Tobias supports as he keep a good grip on my waist making sure that his grip isn't too tight at the same time.

As we take a step forward, I clutch my pelvic bones tightly when it screams in pain and I try to not let my small tears flow out of my eyes. Tobias sets me back down before he announces, "That's it. You're not walking. Not today."

"But Tobias!"

"No. You are not. You're not capable of it are you blind? You shouldn't just ignore your pain like that, you're going to worsen those sprains and you're going to have to spend more time in this hospital. Would you like that?"

I just glare at him as a response and hold his deep-blue raging stare with my defying grey-blue ones. He finally sighs and rakes his hair with his fingers- then he leaves.

Just like that...

The fact that I can't walk bothers me. I should. I really should be able to walk. Dr. Greene told me to stretch my legs a bit so I should be able to.. right?

Yes, Tobias _must _have been wrong this one time.

Slowly, I attempt to sit up from the bed with the help of the railing. The weird twist churning in my lower abdomen doesn't hold me down. I WILL WALK. I push myself to the edge of the bed and my pelvis screams whenever I move. I pause from time to time when the pain gets too unbearable.

A sudden swing of the door disturbs me and I see Dr. Greene looking at me with perplexed eyes.

"What are you doing?" He asks. He rushes to my side, leaving his clipboard on the bed table and lifts me up placing me at the edge of the bed.

"What are you trying to do?" The tone he uses is serious, but very angry.

"Just standing..." I answer him.

"I thought Tobias told you to not do that yet... Teresa, if you really want to do it, you should at least get someone to help you, you might seriously injure yourself if you fall."

"But you told me to practice walking and I just... I just was trying to stand up."

Dr. Greene huffs out a breath and crosses his arms across his chest, "You are asking me to discharge you early. How can I be sure that you won't do anything stupid when you are under no one's supervision?"

For once. For once I am afraid of Dr. Greene. His voice is deadly calm but his looks are menacing. He is seriously angry with me trying to walk.

"Fine." I whisper quietly, not meeting his eyes.

Dr. Greene sighs and shakes his head before leaving me alone. _So... he just came here to stop me from walking? _

Well _I_ know that I _won't stop..._

I softly get down from the bed and hold onto the bed rails. I place my weight onto my legs, but when my pelvic bone and thighs cry out in pain I decided that I have to look for another way to try walking. I place my weight on the rails of the bed in front of me and start to walk sideways.

Three soft knocks comes from the door before it slowly creaks open.

"Hello?" A brunette pops her head in.

"Hey?" I ask back.

"Oh-umm... Hey Teresa! I am not so sure if you remember me but-"

"Yes, Shauna. I most definitely remember you. You hate coffee cakes."

A smile creeps onto her face and she almost laughs. I realise that she never does...

"Cool! So... Teresa I-"

"Just call me Tris, Shauna." I say to the nervous brunette standing by the door of this hospital room.

"Umm, okay. Tris, I... I know that you do not want me to say this, but I really feel like I should so, can you please hear me out for a while?" Shauna says as she fidgets with her waist long hair.

"Sure." I nod hesitantly. " Just let me sit."

I slowly and cautiously fold the rails down and plop myself on the bed, gritting my teeth when my lower abdomen screams. I try to pull my legs up, but find the pain so excoriating. I wish Tobias is here to help me... He always does.

"Hey, you.. need some help?" Shauna asks as she fidgets with her fingers.

"No. I'm fine." I lie. "So you were saying?"

"I... How do I say this-um... I think I'll just start from the beginning." She walks to my bedside, sits on the white plastic chair which is usually occupied by Tobias and takes a deep breath in before starting her speech, "So... we moved in here at Whiting because David was transferred to St. Katherine Hospital. That is also when I started to know Tobias. David and Marcus were very keen of marrying me with Tobias and I... Well, we dated for a few months. I liked him-" I clench my jaw and grit my teeth as Shauna goes through this whole long description of how she liked him. "-So we tried it out. But Tobias was obviously never going to fall in love with me. But then, there was this one night when I... Well, we were... Tobias was having a birthday party. It was his eighteenth and we were celebrating his freedom to alcohol. And neither Marcus nor Johanna were home. So, we got drunk and... I..." Shauna furiously wipes away the tears forming in her eyes. I am not sure where she is getting, but it doesn't exactly sounds good.

"I was.. not thinking clearly I... Tobias was there in front of me, and I actually, actually I was in love with him and so I.. I kissed him and we made out because the night was just for fun. So I guess he was drunk and like.. just none of us were probably thinking straight. But then... But then he ditched me because this friend of his-Zeke or something like that called for him and I was angry. I was furious and angry and so I-" She nervously laughs. "-I was drunk so yeah, I wasn't thinking straight so I... There was this stupid little part of me which believed that he loves me. So I thought that I'll make him jealous. So I kissed some random guy. But then.. and then, I saw Tobias glaring at me. So I was excited because it worked. And I was angry that he has never shown me his love and yet he actually does-" My heart starts to drop. God, was Tobias being honest when he said that she will never be his other half and he never loved her?

"-So I kept making out with that random guy. Then there were people cheering for us. Then he said that the place is too crowded. Then... Then..." She sniffs in a few times and presses her hands to her eyes to stop the tears from flowing. "Then he.. he.. he said that it was too crowded and that we should get to somewhere more private and so he said that we should go get a room and I was... I was like, I was being god freaking horny!" She bites her lips to stop them from trembling.

"I giggled and l said yes and so he pulled me into the garden since everyone were inside and he pulled me to this shed deep inside it. He locked the door and then we made out again. And then he started feeling me. And it felt good. God it felt good. So I like.. gave in. Then he.. he started pulling my dress off and only then I started thinking. Only then I started gaining my senses and god, why do I want to loose my virginity to some random guy just to make Tobias jealous? So I started to pull away but... But it was too late-I" Shauna lets her tears flow and my conscience itches me to comfort her.

"I can't stop him. He was bigger than me and stronger than me. And we were so far away from anyone's earshot and so no one could hear me calling for help as he undressed me. Then he started groping me and he.. he.. I wish that I could die right then. He started to.. unzip his jeans and then he... I... I... I WAS SO FREAKING STUPID!"

Shauna drops her head into the mattress and starts to cry uncontrollably. So she was raped... And she probably feels responsible to help me out somehow.

She raises her head back up and wipes away the tears in her eyes. "After that, I started hating myself for... for what I did. And I started cutting myself and wishing that the world would fall on me. Then I.. I suffered nightmares about that guy. And then I started to wish that I can just forget about all of it. Then I slowly did. And god, that was the freaking worst mistake I've ever done in my life. I forgot all about making a drunken mistake and I-I... I almost got myself raped again and again it was because I got myself drunk. But some blonde guy found me and he saved me and called for my Mom. Then she arrived and pulled me into the car and she yelled at me for being foolish, for being forgetful. And I insisted that I never am and that she must be must have lost her mind for being so stupid as to think that I am so. She slapped me. She said that bad moments in life are experienced so that we can learn and make a difference. Not to be forgotten about and then we end up doing them again. And I... I honestly did not remember about that other night when I was raped. Until later on. But we fought and- and... And then she-she wasn't paying attention to the road and there was this loud blaring horn and bright lights and I... I woke up three days later in the hospital to find out that she was.. she was dead..." And she cries again. And at last, I decide to place a hand on her shoulder and give it a light squeeze. So her mother died.. because of her... I understand that well too...

"I just... All that I want to tell you is that forgetting is not a way out of it. However bad that guy violated you, just remember that it wasn't your fault and accept it as a test- a hard bump in your life. But let it make you stronger. Not foolish and weaker."

With that, Shauna scurries out of the room and leave me speechless, dumbfounded and with a scar I've sealed years ago being cut open again...

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><p>I rest my head onto the mighty bark of the great oak tree and close my eyes; enjoying my own sanctuary. I forgot why is it that I have been avoiding this tree for so long. Whatever the reason was, it must have been very stupid.<p>

A sweet smell of sage and lemon grass reaches to my nose trills. I open my eyes and find a tall and broad man leaning onto the tree right beside me. He is tall and handsome; like a cowboy out of some cowboy movie.

"What's your name?" He asks.

His smile and attention makes me blush. I mean he is so good looking and I am just a little orphan and he looks at me as if I am the prettiest among all the worlds' most beautiful flowers in this garden.

"Tris", I reply

"That's a very short name."

"It is short for Teresa."

"I see... So what are you doing here all alone?"

"Just resting I guess."

"Ahh..." He nods his head in understanding. "But don't you have any company?"

I shake my head.

"I'll be one then." He sits down beside me and hums a tune.

"You want to take a tour around here?" He asks as he stands up and offers me a hand.

I take his hand and he gets the cue that I am joining him. He leads me around the garden showing me the flowers and naming them as we pass. He stops at a rose tree and plucks a red rose. He hooks it on my ear and claps his hands together before declaring, "Now I know that you really are far more beautiful than that red rose." I blush and look down.

"Don't hide that beautiful face. You are violating my rights to look at you."

I laugh. "Really now?"

"Yes. And now, I should earn a kiss."

"What?!"

"Yes." He gives me a goofy smile and I just have to give in to him- not that I do not want to anyway.

I kiss his cheek then try to pull away, but he holds my chin and kisses me back- firm on the lips. His lips feels warm, but rough. I find myself kissing him back. My arms wrap around his neck and he presses my chest tightly to his. A certain sweet but strong smell of sage and lemon grass starts to tickles my nose; and I laugh merrily.

"I know you love my smell, Beatrice."

My eyes flutter open and I suddenly remember him. I see him. It is Al. How can I forget Al?!

"Let go of me!"

"I am very sorry Beatrice, but you are just a little bit too late."

"NO! Please no! Please! It hurts! Al it hurts..." I cry and trash and try to free myself away.

"It hurts! Please, let me go..."

"Tris! Wake up!"

I feel a strong pair of hands shake me.

"Tris! Wake up!"

Tobias... That was Tobias...

"Tris what's wrong?" I see Tobias standing beside my bed.

I throw myself into his arms and hold him tight.

"Just hold me please." I plead.

He hugs me tightly and I cry into him.

"It's okay Tris. It was just a dream."

"No it wasn't. God it wasn't."

"Shh... Just calm down Tris. If you get another asthma attack Matt would probably keep you in this place for another week. And you don't want that do you?"

I shake my head furiously.

"Then you need to calm down, okay?"

I nod. "Just hold me please... Stay with me." _Keep me safe..._

"Shh... It's okay Tris. I'll stay with you."

I cry and I wail in his warm arms and pour everything out.

The grief...

The regret...

And the guilt.

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><p><strong>AN: ****Share me your thoughts ^^ Constructive criticisms are respected and well-loved :)**


	20. Chapter 19: The Pains Of Walking

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>"Hey Teresa. I'm here to give you some final check-ups since the senior doctor I consulted with told me that you are good to go. The infection in your vagina still haven't fully healed. So remember to always take these antibiotics once everyday, alright?"<p>

I nod my head, clutching to Tobias's shirt. I wake up to find myself sleeping on his sturdy chest, but I couldn't have fallen asleep in any other way. He kept me safe. His strong sturdy arms and the intoxicating smell of Tobias he produces somehow makes me feel safe- as if he really is keeping me safe when he whispers to me that he will fend of all of my nightmares for me last night.

Then the nurses and Dr. Greene starts to check on me, stuffing me with liquids and poking me with multiple, prickly sharp things, like very large needles. The way they loom over me, having myself strapped from one machine to another... disturbing images of some certain man with green mischievous eyes and a big malicious smirk looming over me in a dark alleyway flashes through my eyes. I can't help digging my face deeper into Tobias's shirt; trying to engulf myself to breathe only of his scent, listen only of his heartbeat and feel only of his warm hand which is rubbing comforting circles on my back, occasionally applying some pressures in his ministrations.

"You've had solid food for breakfast today and that is a very good improvement. But please Tris, remember that you shouldn't stress yourself on trying to walk. I saw you attempting to walk again when my little sister came to visit you last night. You really do not want to hurt yourself, Tris."

I embarrassedly look down. I feel like a little girl who had been caught with her hands in a cookie jar.

"Doctor?" My voice croaks.

"Yes, Teresa." Dr. Greene replies.

"Why is it painful for me to walk? Why are my thighs aching?" I can't understand. And I've never bothered to, considering I was to busy with trying to deny and ignore each and every evidence of the sexual harassment on me.

"Your muscles, they were torn pretty bad."

"Torn?"

"Yes. But don't worry Teresa. With the right amount of therapy and time, you'll be able to walk again. They will heal. I am not preventing you from walking because you are incapable of it, but the pain from your lower abdomen to your thighs might make it hard. Thus, you might easily trip yourself or similar scenarios. So you can practice walking, but if you feel that you are in serious pain, then stop. Okay?"

I slowly nod my head.

Dr. Greene pulls Tobias to the side and has a word with him while I anxiously wait on the bed. Dr. Greene leaves with a final nod and Tobias walks up to me.

"Come on Tris. Let's get you home."

Before I could register anything that is happening, I find myself lifted off from the bed. My back and the back of my knee are resting on Tobias's arm as he carries me up bridal style. I can't help staring at his face with the proximity I am currently being with him. My right hand slowly rises from my side to touch his face.

"Tris... What are you doing?" Tobias asks as he looks at me bewilderedly.

"You're very good looking you know."

"What?!" Tobias's eyes are wide in surprise.

_God! What am I doing? I really need to learn to hold my 'giddy-self' from talking_.

"Nothing." I answer while trying to not look at him.

He chuckles which causes heat to rise up to my cheeks as he places me on the grey wheelchair and spreads a blue blanket over my legs. He leans down to place a chaste kiss on my cheek before leaving me all alone, blushing and feeling nervous and all jittery.

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><p>Tobias lifts me out of his grey-blue jeep and sets me down on my wheelchair.<p>

"It's okay. I can wheel myself in." I excuse myself as Christina attempts to push my wheelchair.

Christina just bites her lips and backs off. She has been quite off her character lately. Maybe she still feels guilty for leaving me alone the other night?

"Everything okay there?" A familiar voice asks.

Goosebumps rises on my skin, my insides screams for help, my mind tells my legs to run.

"Yes Al. We're good." Tobias smiles to _him_.

"You need help?" The voice asks behind me.

I don't look. I don't turn around. I can't. I am stiff in fright, just like what Al said. Because of what he might do, because his voice had been haunting my sleeps and because the smell reminds me of too many bad memories.

"Come, let me help you wheel inside-"

"No!" I shout a bit too loudly.

His face comes close...

"Come on sweetie, you don't have to be hard on me."

He places a hand on my shoulder and my instincts take place. I scream and I trash.

"Tris! Tris stop." Tobias hugs me tight and stop me from punching Al's nose.

"Tris what's wrong?" Tobias asks as he holds my face in his hands.

I look into his eyes and find him looking at me with worry.

"I-I... I'm scared." I whisper quietly for his ears only.

"Tris..." He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "You don't have to be afraid of Al okay?"

I freeze.

The world suddenly turns foggy; it is slowly starting to spin. The words I hear are mumbles and soon I hear nothing.

* * *

><p>My room.<p>

I am in my room. I push myself up and drop my head into my hands. I am in my room. I am safe.

The last few words I heard replays itself again and again in my head... _"__You don't have to be afraid of Al okay?"_

I shudder and clamp my ears shut, hoping to block those words out.

My door creaks open and Christina peers in.

"Hey", she greets. "I thought that you might be hungry so I brought these for you." Christina comes in with a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.

"Christina... You are being too nice too me."

"Well actually, Tobias is. He cooked this for our lunch and purposely made some extra for you. But since I am not sure if you will come down and since you still need a wheelchair, I thought that I could bring this up to you." She hands the bowl to me and I quickly stuff a spoonful into my mouth.

"Wow! You're that hungry."

"Hospitals aren't known for good food." I reply quickly before stuffing another spoonful into my mouth.

"And Tobias is?" She laughs.

"Far better than hospitals." I smile.

"So... Anyway, I want to-"

"Christina, if you want to say sorry for leaving me alone, then I've forgiven you. I however, am the one who owes you an apology."

"Why?"

"For insisting that what happened was all a dream."

"So you've accepted it?"

_Have I?_

Christina looks down for a brief moment before placing a hand on my elbow. "I don't know any words to say which will make you feel better, but I just want to say thanks for forgiving me."

I give her a nod just to assure her as she leaves my room. I stare at my plate of spaghetti, the food suddenly turning not so good anymore, my stomach no longer so empty.

* * *

><p>My rumbling tummy wakes me up and I turn to my side-table drawer to look for my abandoned plate of spaghetti, only to find out that my plate is no longer there. Taking a glance at the clock beside me, I realise that I had three hours of nap. I slowly sit up and crawl to the edge of my bed and try to stand up. I do. I really am standing up. But the pain in me howlers and begs me to sit.<p>

I bite my lips and force my legs to the door. I swing it open to be met by none other than Tobias who is just leaving his own room. He looks at me disappointedly and rushes to my side lifting me into his arms.

"Tris, remember Matt said that you shouldn't stress yourself." He scolds me softly.

"I am not. I _could_ walk that far. You remember him saying that I am capable of walking? I just want to go downstairs and get some food."

"Tris..." He sighs as he starts to carry me downstairs. "Walking down the staircase in pain and without supervision is a very bad idea. You might easily get distracted by your pain and misstep. You really do not want to hurt yourself more than what you have done."

I know that there is no way out of this quarrel. Not just because he is very insistent, but also because I know that he is right.

Once we reach the end of the stairs, he slowly places me back down on the floor and hooks one of my arms to his.

"Now you try walking." Tobias softly commands.

I walk slowly, leaning most of my weight on his arm and leaning my free hand on the wall beside me. The kitchen door in front of me looks so near, yet it is taking so long for me to reach it. It is as if the lane is lengthening itself by every step I take.

"Tris, don't stress it. You are an asthmatic and when you stress to much, you might get an asthma attack. Take it slowly and calm down. If you feel that it is too painful then just stop, okay?"

I nod my head to him and pause to catch my breath. He is right, my breathing is already starting to get short.

"I bought an inhaler for you and placed it on your bedside-table drawer just in case you get an asthma attack in the night."

"Thanks Tobias." I whisper gratefully to him.

"Anytime." He smiles. "Now come on, let's resume our torturous walk." He jokes.

When we finally get to the door, I can't fight back the urge to cry out a "YES!" in joy. Tobias laughs at my childishness and helps me to a chair.

"So what would you like for dinner?" He asks with his hands clasped together.

"Can I cook? I miss cooking so badly." I whine plead fully.

To my words, Tobias squints his eyes slightly and with a smile says, "You sound like a whiny kid. I hate whiny kids."

"Please Tobias..."

"Only if you cook something simple and quick and I can help you around." Despite the smile he is giving me, he says it in a stern voice to show that he is being serious,

I really hate all these assistance I need, it makes me feel like a very incapable old lady. But I do know that Tobias will not leave his eyes off of me right now. So it's either let him cook or let him help.

"Fine." I answer in an exasperated tone. "I need a slice of chicken meat which isn't frozen."

Tobias walks up to the fridge and get a blue Tupperware out of the fridge. I slowly lift myself up and waddle to the counter top, fetching the salt and pepper shakers. Tobias places the chicken in front of me.

"Now I need some wheat flour, cornmeal or semolina flour and olive oil." I order.

Tobias nods his head and runs around the kitchen, fetching the needed ingredients for my cooking.

I slice the chicken into thinner slices and season them slightly with the salt and pepper before getting some dried rosemary, thyme and oregano leaves and sprinkle them on the slices of chicken. When Tobias arrives with the flour, I pause for a brief moment and rest my weight on the worktop to release the pain in my lower abdomen. I dump the chicken into the wheat flour before doing the same thing to the semolina. By the time all of the chicken slices are well-coated, I find my pain too unbearable to fight back. So I rest my weight on the worktop again, closing my eyes and taking a few breathes in and out.

"Tris, you should take a seat." Tobias whispers beside me while massaging the back of my pelvic bone softly.

"No. I just need to fry these." I fight back the urge to rest and waddle to the stove while leaning my weight on the kitchen counter along my way. I try to reach for the blue Tefal pan hanging above the stove on a wall hanger, but find a problem with reaching it and letting go of my support. Tobias hurries to me and takes the pan before putting it on the stove. He places me on top of the countertop beside the stove and start frying the chickens, either oblivious or purposely not bothering my objections.

Finding nothing to do other than kicking my feet together, counting my toes and singing to myself, I resort to watching Tobias fry the chicken slices one by one. When he reaches for an oil colander from one of the high cabinets, I can't stop my eyes from landing on the flash of skin showing at the hem of his shirt. His moves are swift and he obviously knows his ways around the kitchen.

"You cook a lot?" I ask him.

"Yeah. Why?" He asks back.

"Nothing. Just wondering..." I reply.

"We never had any maid other than these two weird ladies once upon a time. So Johanna-"

I tilt my head to one side and I ask, "Why do you call her Johanna and not mom?"

He smiles at me before he answers, "That's for me to know and for you to find out."

I pout at him and he chuckles at me. "So... back to the story, we never had any other maids than those two because Marcus is all into this selflessness and of course, they both have this flirty nature around any men in the house; including the guests. So we hate them and we decided that we are not getting any more maids no matter what. So whenever Johanna isn't cooking, I'm the cook of the house. Chris despises coking and Johanna in fact, only learned to cook when she came here. So that is probably the reason why I cook a lot."

He turns the gas off and transfers the chicken from the oil colander to a plate with a kitchen paper on it. Tobias walks to the kitchen island and I excitedly jump down the counter top to follow him, but clutch in pain when I find my pelvic bone giving a spark of achiness. I slowly waddle to the kitchen island and regret ever jumping down. I should not get too distracted and forget all about the pain I am having.

I climb the stool and wait as Tobias grabs two plates, knives and fork then arranges them on the table.

"OH MY GOD! What are you guys having?!" Christina comes running into the kitchen. She sniffs a breath in on the chicken and declares, "Mmm... It smells good." She grabs a plate from Tobias to which Tobias hits her hand and snatches it back.

"Seriously Chris, go and get a plate by yourself."

Christina sticks her tongue out to Tobias to which he rolls his eyes while I snicker.

"This is plain." Christina complains when she takes a bite of the chicken. "It's not salty enough and crispy enough and isn't there any ketchup or something?"

"Chris. You eat too much McDonald's. This is Italian style. You appreciate the flavour of the chicken, the aroma of the herbs, the spice of the black pepper. You are a Latino. You should know how to eat Italian food."

Christina gives a disbelieving look at Tobias. "Tobias, Latinos are not from Italy. They are generally from South America or those places. And I am a Hispanic. So I eat Mexican food. Like spicy and filled with rich flavours. And another thing, you watch too much Fabio Viviani."

"Whatever." Tobias rolls his eyes.

* * *

><p>"Chris, you're cleaning up." Tobias commands as he wipes his hands dry after cleaning them.<p>

"But..."

"No buts. Tris cooked despite her sick condition you should be ashamed."

Tobias shakes his head, helps me down the stool and holds my arm like what he did before leading me to the stairs. "Do you want to walk or should I carry you up." He asks softly.

"Walk." I reply grimly.

"Tris. I know how much you hate being in this condition and you are forcing yourself to be well, but this is too much. You have to know your limits. You seriously might get yourself in a worse condition. You need to rest because your body needs to fight off that infection in-"

"Stop it Tobias! You can just stop yourself from fussing over me. I can take care of myself. I can survive on my own I don't need you to babysit me. You are not my brother or my father or my doctor or my- my boyfriend!"

Tobias cringes at my words and his face shows one of deep hurt, but it quickly fades away and his face is masked by a little bit of anger and a lot bit of emptiness.

"Fine then. Walk on your own."

My heart stats to ache as I watch him march up and that loud bang of Tobias's door slamming shut is my undoing. A drop of tear finds its way on my cheek and spills to the ground.

I am the one who screamed at him in the first place. I am the one who hurt him. I am the one who pushed him away. I always push him away when he had only been sincerely helping. Why must I always do that?

I quickly cling on the rails and push myself upstairs. The pain is pinning me down, my asthma is making it even harder. It's too hard to climb up. Maybe I should just get a glass of water. I turn around to climb my way down. I place my foot on the step below me, but it twists.

I scream and the world goes black.

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><p><strong>AN: ****I am not sure if maybe Tris does not sound 'depressed' enough, but I hope that it's good. ****I might be posting some sneak peaks or other things which is not related to Acacia on Tumblr: _lyndaloyde__ . _****Thanks for your continued supports ^^**


	21. Chapter 20: Those Deep Blue Eyes

**A/N: Hehe... Is today not Friday?...**

**I am so so sorry but things got in the way. Honestly I was about to update the other day but I couldn't. And I know I haven't replied to most reviews and PMs, but like I said, things were on the way. I promise I'll try to reply to them in a while...**

**Oh, and I changed the Will character to Eric for OOC reasons...**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.<strong>

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><p>Something freezing is on my forehead and it is giving me a horrible brain freeze. I try to place it away, but a warm hand grabs mine softly and keeps it back in place. "Shh... Stay still." I hear a voice whisper. The voice is soothing. And the hand brushing my hair gently is calming.<p>

I open my eyes and find Tobias. The looks in his eyes is of worry and concern. _I thought he is angry at me_.

"How did you find me? Why were you there? I thought you left." I croak out. My voice is low and coarse. I really need some water.

"I heard your scream." His voice is calm.

I grab the ice-pack from his hand and press it lightly to my forehead. "But you were angry at me."

He shifts uncomfortably. "I couldn't really leave you alone in pain, could I?"

I contemplate on whether I should ask him my next question, but it somehow slips out of my mouth, "Are you still angry at me?"

He looks away. "My feelings are none of your concerns." I cringe at the cold tone and the deadly calm voice he uses. It is cold and it pierces through me like how the splinters of The White Queen's mirror pierces through Kai's heart.

It is only now that I realise the dark blue sheets I am on, the plain white walls and the musky smell around me. I am in Tobias's room. Something churns in me when I realise that I am lying down on his bed and even though there is a hint of concern and worry in his eyes, I can see a gleaming glint in it. They look almost predatory.

"You think it would be a bad idea if I sit up?" I ask, starting to feel uncomfortable.

"I'll help you."

Tobias grips my shoulder with one hand and holds my head steady with the other as I push myself up. Pain rushes through my lower body in sharp bursts, but I try to ignore it, stifling a groan. He rests his knee on the mattress and leans over me; taking the ice pack from me, his fingers brushing mine, and holds it against my head himself. I put my hand down, too eager to relax my arm to object.

"You really should just rest here for the mean time. I'll take the floor you can take the bed."

The selfless side of me tells me to object and just walk the few distance to my room, but breathing in the air around me I decide to change my mind. I find myself wrapped in a comfortable and calming smell. It smells like detergent and something heavy, sweet, distinctively male and totally Tobias.

He pulls out a few pillows from his cupboard and a big blanket, arrange them on the floor and lies down with his back facing me. I try to put myself to sleep but too many questions are running in my mind- all of them concerning Tobias.

I prop myself up to see if he is asleep. He lies on his stomach with one arm around his head. His eyes are closed, his lips parted. His dark brown hair covers most of his face and I watch him as his back expands and contracts. I soon find the deep and stable breathing of Tobias lulling me to sleep.

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><p>I wake up to the loud and constant sound of running water. I wince as my back and lower abdomen screams in pain when I try to sit up. Yesterday, the ache was more to constant throbbing deep inside and it wouldn't hurt that much as long as I don't place too much weight on it. Now, it even hurts when I just try to move it slightly. I hope it'll die off soon. The bathroom door opens and Four walks in, a towel in hand and his hair glistening with shower water. I feel a thrill in my stomach when I see the line of skin that shows above his belt as he lifts his hand to dry his hair. As he walks towards me, I consider closing my eyes and pretending to be asleep, but then our eyes meet; and it's too late.<p>

"You're good?" He asks with a placid face.

"Okay." My voice sounds tight. I wish it didn't.

Tobias sighs and sits at the foot of his bed with the towel hanging on his shoulder. He reaches his fingers to my forehead and lightly place them on the bruise. His face remains placid as he examines the swell. His eyes shifts from my forehead to my eyes and I find myself getting lost in the blue orbs. His burning gaze is so intense that I feel myself slowly melting under it. My skin starts to wrinkle like dried leaves and my eyes starts to water like melting ice.

He blinks his eyes and looks away. "Let's.. get you down for breakfast." Tobias says coarsely clearing his throat a few times.

"Umm... Tobias?" I ask nervously.

"Yes?" He asks with his head tilted slightly to his left side.

"I want to say.. sorry for yesterday? That I screamed at you. I was.." I huff out a sigh. "-I was just angry, I think? Well I was angry because I felt like you're burdening yourself with the troubles of helping me and that you shouldn't. And I was like, making you feel all stressed out and all and you were like... You were doing so much for me and I couldn't do anything to help you back so it's like... You were burdening yourself too much and it is not right and I was trying to tell you... You know?"

I watch Tobias nervously as a small smile slowly shapes his lips upwards. Soon, his lips are pulled up to a small grin and I can see a peak of the whites of his teeth showing out. I anxiously watch him and find myself looking down, I don't have any ideas how he is going to react to this; and he is already creeping me out.

He suddenly bursts into fits of laughter and I find myself wishing to sink down this bed or the floor like how Michael Jackson does in his Ghost's movie.

"Seriously Tris, you never fail to amuse me." I dare myself to look at his face and I see that there is not one single trace of anger in his face.

"Why am I amusing to you?" I ask, the fear in me still evident through my voice.

Tobias shakes his head and whispers out, "You're too cute", obviously not for my hearing because he looks at me bashfully when he sees the angry sparkles in my eyes. "Did I say that out loud?" He asks.

"Yes." I cross my arms across my chest and give him a stern look.

"Alright. I am sorry, okay?"

I tap my chin and pretend to think. "You forgive me first."

He leans his face close to mine and pecks my right cheek. "I forgive you. Now you forgive me back?"

I roll my eyes and try to not let the heat rise in my cheeks. The cheeky smile playing on his face is really not helping me though.

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><p>"So when are Marcus and Johanna coming home?" I ask Tobias as I shove a spoonful of the egg which Tobias fried into my mouth.<p>

"I'm not so sure. Tomorrow or the day after." He pushes the bacon in his plate to and fro with a crease on his forehead and a frown on his lips.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

Tobias looks up at me with the frown still evident before shaking his head and looking back at his plate. "Nothing, I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"About..." He shakes his head abruptly and throws off all of the frown evident on his face.

"Have you ever had any friends? Because you're a really nice person to be friends with." He asks.

"I did have this friend back at the orphanage. Her name was Susan, Susan Black. She had a brother and apparently, he is some famous author right now."

"Why doesn't that brother help her out? You know, like get her out of the orphanage and bring her to live with him."

"Well..." _Jeanine doesn't really works that way_. "Things are somehow a little bit complicated back at the orphanage. It is not easy to handle some things and stuffs like that..."

He puts his fork down on his plate and leans closer to me, who is on the other side of the kitchen island. "Have you seen any of Christina's friends?"

"Friends?" I scratch my forehead and try to rack my brain. "I think there was this one piercing filled guy with tattoos all over him who drives a blue car the other day."

"How did you meet him?" He asks with excitement in his eyes.

"He.. came here the other night."

"What night?" He asks quizzically.

I know that I should stop feeling uncomfortable talking about the night, but you don't just lose the awkward feels in you in a blink of an eye. "The _other_ night. You know? The night when I got-umm... When I was..."

Tobias's eyes widens and he exclaims an "Oh!". He bites his lower lip and sink back to his chair. "I.. am very sorry I brought it up-"

"No." I quickly say. "Don't fret about it."

"So.. do _you_ have any friends?" I ask, trying to change the topic.

"Yeah... Marlene, Matt, Zeke from my high school, Lauren from the Princeton Unis and that Al gardener. He's a really nice guy." My insides cringe. "We've never had any other gardener other than him since we started nursing it and he's taken a very good care of it. That's all of my friends I guess." He shrugs his shoulders. "I am not exactly the friendly type."

"How come I've never heard of any of your friends other than Marlene and Matt."

He smirks at me. "Probably because you are _just_ a _maid_."

I fake a pout. "That hurts, _Four_."

"Really now blondie?" He teases back.

I laugh out loud. It is easy for me to be happy whenever I am with Tobias. He somehow wipes away all of the bad dreams and makes me forget about them; creating a utopia especially for me.

* * *

><p>His dark pupils starts to dilate slowly and they seem to get nearer and nearer to me. I realise the hard grip on my waist starts to get tighter. His lips slowly forms a sadistic smile.<p>

"What's wrong.. Tris?" He asks mockingly. The smell of sage and lemon grass starts to wrap around me. Something glints from my peripheral view, a knife. His lips smirks at me and I scream as blood trickles down my stomach.

The pain is sharp and powerful, but I can't move. I try to find a way to numb the pain, but each and every inch of move I make sends pain into my stomach. I close my eyes and fight back the tears threatening to spill.

"And that, is how I do my work." I can barely hear. The world is starting to close in around me. I feel dizzy, light-headed. I am loosing to much blood.

I scream for help. Just anyone to come and help me. I cry out in pain as the rain drops start to fall and spills water onto the holes in my torn skin. It prickles the cuts on my bare legs. I try to lift myself up, but something holds me down. Warm hands. They are big like Al's, but warm; radiating a calming aura.

"Stop! Don't move. You're loosing too much blood." I look up into the eyes which mirrors a brilliant night sky. I've only seen them once...

"Tris?!"

"Tobias?" I croak out. I can barely see his face. Just those two eyes and a silhouette of his head.

"Shh... You're safe now. Just calm down and stay still"

The knife in me pulls itself out and I spring up and scream.

I look around me and find myself back in my room. I feel my asthma getting me back. I gasp for air and quickly grab my inhaler. I fit the mouthpiece into my mouth and take in a deep breath as I press the canister. I try to hold it in for ten seconds and fight back the urge to gasp in more breaths and cough out my exhale. The torturous ten seconds pass and I release my breath slowly.

I drop my head into the plushy pillows. So my saviour had deep blue eyes. His name was Tobias... Tobias is the one who saved me...

How did he find me? Why was he there? Did he saw Al?

My heart skips a beat when I realise one big thing...

He saw me naked.

_Why must things be this way..._


	22. Chapter 21: Her Rising Temper

**Disclaimer: I do not own Diverrgent**

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><p>"MUM!" Christina shrieks as she runs up to her mum's arms. Marcus walks up to his son and they wrap themselves in a father-son embrace. Tobias is taller, I realise. Probably by ten inches. But Marcus's body build is surprisingly much bigger than Tobias.<p>

"You've been out for so long!" Christina whines.

"I'm sorry dear but we had some problems there and we couldn't return sooner." Johanna lets go of Christina's embrace. "So how's my baby?" She asks, addressing Christina. Christina cringes at the word 'baby' and Tobias laughs. "You do sound very much like one, Chris." Christina glares at him and storms away.

"What's wrong with her? You guys usually bicker back and forth all the time. She couldn't possibly feel hurt by it now would she?" Johanna asks as she accepts Tobias's warm hug.

"I don't know. PMS maybe." Tobias shrugs.

Our eyes stay fixed on the front door which have just been slammed close by Christina and listen to the loud thumps of a storming Christina marching up the staircase.

Johanna walks up to me and gives a squeeze on my shoulder. "You're doing good?" She asks me.

"Okay." I smile.

"Come on, let's get in." Marcus announces. Johanna attempts to wheel me in, but I object and insist on doing it by myself.

"We met the Pedrads." Johanna starts as they each take a seat in the living room.

"You met Zeke?" Tobias asks.

"Come on, you meet him everyday on whatever chat apps you guys use." Johanna laughs at Tobias's enthusiasm. "But yes, we did meet him. He sent you his regards." Were the last words I hear as I wheel myself away from them and push the kitchen door open. I dunk the tea bag in the tea pot and gather the cups and saucers, placing them on a tray.

"My dear Beatrice. It is such a lovely day today isn't it?" I jump out of my skin and recoil in horror at the voice which had been haunting my sleep.

"Is everything okay?!" Comes a female voice from the kitchen door. I turn around to look at Johanna and find Tobias standing right behind her, his eyes looking straight at mine. A look of worry crosses his face and he hurries to me in panic. "God, Tris what happened?" He asks as he kneels down in front of me and picks up pieces of ceramic.

"I'm sorry but I think it was my fault. My pretty loud ringtone blared out just now and I suppose it surprised her. Thus, she dropped that cup. Please, don't blame her on it." If I hadn't known the man Al can be, I wold never believe the evils of his works. His face is of regret, his eyes shows pity and his voice is pleading as he says it to Johanna. "However ridiculous it may sound, it is understood that she would get easily frightened considering what had just happened to her." He adds.

"It's okay Al. We understand. Thank you for your kindness."

"Thank you Mrs. Eaton."

I swear that if I am not on this wheelchair right now, I would have punched Al in his face and scream at Johanna for being so blind. Right when Johanna leaves, Al turns to me and gives me a mischievous and malicious smirk before he leaves through the back door.

"Hey Tris?" I have forgotten that Tobias is here with me.

"Yeah Tobias?"

"You free tonight? It's been a long while since we've stargazed together."

I realise that a small smile is shaping my lips. It has been a long time since we've stargazed. And I've missed it immensely. "Sure. But I can't climb up the stairs."

"You know I can just carry you there."

I look at him incredulously. Is he seriously planning to carry me up that 15 creaking steps. "Tobias, not to offend you but, I do not really trust you to carry me through your number one fear."

Tobias thinks about it but gives me a sure look. "First of all, that's not my number one fear. I am afraid of so many other things more than height. Number two, you've always helped me calm down. I'm sure that holding you in my arms won't make it any different."

"Oh! And I almost forgot, I found something which I believe is yours." Tobias reaches for something in the pocket of his jeans. He brings out a small envelope and pours the contents out. I could hardly believe what I am seeing. It is the heart necklace mom and dad gave to me.

"Oh my god Tobias! Where did you find it?" I literally scream.

"I found it in the garden." I hold out my hand, silently asking for him to give the necklace to me. Tobias however, only gives me a smug smile and holds it up as if it is on display. "Come up to the lookout tower with me, in my arms, then I'll give you this."

"You're a sneaky bastard, Four." I shake my head and roll my eyes in annoyance, but I can't pull off the smile pasted on my face.

* * *

><p><strong><em>That night...,<em>**

"I still haven't forgotten your promise you know." Tobias asks nervously, playing with the blue ribbon he found the last time we were here.

"What promise?" I ask him, desperately looking for the Pegasus constellation. It should be somewhere in the night sky.

"That you will open up a bit to me." He replies, turning his face to me.

"Oh..."

"Can I ask you something?" Tobias whispers.

"Hit it."

"Did you... Do you know who raped you?"

I bite the insides of my cheeks and continue to stare off into the night sky. I know that I have to accept the reality. My nights are still filled with the nightmares. In fact, they are probably getting worse. I have to find a way to release my stress. Talking is a good way to start.

"Yes." I spill out.

I can feel him spring up to a sitting position and feel his gaze on my eyes which are slightly watering. "You do?" He asks, somehow disbelievingly. I just nod a reply.

"Then why don't you report it or something?"

"Tobias... It isn't that easy."

"In what sense?" He asks.

I try to wreck my brain for an answer. In what sense?

I don't know. I just realise that I don't know. Why don't I report him?

"I.. don't know..." I shouldn't have said that out loud. They sound stupider than how they did in my head.

"Tris. I know you're scared, but you can't let the fear control you." He says it softly. I finally look back into his eyes.

"I know..."

He lies back down into the soft grassy carpet clasping his hands together on his stomach. "Do you know him as in by person or do you just recognise him?"

"I..." I bite the insides of my cheeks. Do I really want to tell him. "...Know him. By person."

"How did you guys meet?"

"We were... It's a pretty long story."

"I am sure I have the time for it."

_Tobias, you really do not want to know..._ "You know, I have to start from the beginning if you are to understand all this."

"So be it. I told you, I'll listen."

I hate it when Tobias pushes me this way. But I know that I really need help; and if I don't look for one, then I have to at least cooperate when someone is trying to help me.

"How about a game? You share me a secret and I'll share you mine."

I sigh and finally give in, "I was an orphan. My mom, sister and brother died when I was just six or eight, I can't recall."

"How did they die?"

"House fire." I choke out.

"I killed my mum." He says immediately.

"You... what?"

"You remember when you asked me why do I call Johanna Johanna instead of mum? Well, she's not my mum. My mum died giving birth to me. Technically, I killed her. My father hated me for it. He abused me. Physically and emotionally." He doesn't returns my gaze, staring off into the night sky.

"But you didn't do it on purpose. I mean, it's not like you even have a choice to be brought to this world and let her die or die and let her live."

"That's it. But even though I didn't really do it, I am still the cause. And I still feel guilty about Tris. I really do. Dad said she was well loved by everyone. I still wonder how it would have been like if I were the one dead instead. Would the world be much better? Would everyone be much happier?"

"I know _I_ won't." I can't help saying.

He finally looks back at me and for the first time, his face shows an emotion; confusion.

"Why won't you be happy without me?"

"For one, you can obviously see that you are the only friend I have here in Chicago, not to say that I've only had one other friend in my whole entire life."

"Really?"

"Yeah. And you are the one who have always made me smile. And you've always helped me out during my asthma attacks... and my nightmares."

"Anyone can and would have done that."

"But in the many people who could, you are the only one who've had. In fact, I would have been dead right now if it wasn't for you."

He looks at me in surprise. "You remember?"

"Well... I kind of... had a dream about it last night. And everything was so vivid and it felt real." I pause and imagine of how I would have looked. _Must have been gross and horrible..._ "I must have looked terrible." I whisper.

His face shows one of trying to recall an event, then it turned to one of worry- then his cheeks flushed red and he looks away. "Yeah.. you were-umm.. your _condition_ was bad."

"I didn't _look_ bad?" I tease, knowing what he is feeling very uncomfortable about.

"Well-yeah... You had a wound in your stomach and your legs were... umm... they were quite bad too... You know what Tris? Let's talk about something else. This is too awkward. Just stop- please"

I laugh at his nervousness but let it go. I try to recall what exactly we were discussing so that we can resume talking about it. Upon remembering however, I decide to just talk about the stars forming constellations in the night sky.

"Why are you so afraid of Al?" His voice and face shows pure evidence of confusion. He really, really wants to know. But will he believe me if that his own friend would have done what he did. Even if Al wasn't a friend to Tobias, he is still a seemingly very nice person.

"Do you really want to know?" I ask him, hoping that he'll drop the subject.

"Yes Tris." He grabs my right hand with his left and holds it tight. "I know that you didn't drop the tea cup because of his ringtone. His ringtone makes a very silent twinkly kind of sound unless, he has just changed it. I know that he was lying and I saw the smirk he gave you Tris. It didn't look good."

I bite the insides of my cheeks, trying to hold back my nervousness. "You just won't believe what I will say Tobias."

"Tris. One thing I know you are so bad in is lying. You don't even have the heart to lie."

"Maybe he's done something which I am not sure if I will ever forgive... twice."

Tobias lets out a long sigh. I look at Tobias and see that his face is contorted with a mixed number of emotions; one of them anger.

Sitting up, I ask, "Are you angry at me?"

He looks stunned at me. "No." He shakes his head rapidly. "What makes you think so?"

"Well..." The nervousness in me is getting me back. "You just look angry, I guess." I sink back into the carpet.

After a long moment of silence, he lets out another long sigh. "I was just thinking about what happened to you. So I might be angry at whoever it is who did _it_ to you."

"Why?"

"Because you do not deserve to be violated that way."

"What... do you mean?"

"Look." He rises up into a sitting position and pulls me up, making me face him. "You're a good person by heart." He places a hand on my chest, above my heart and I pray that he couldn't feel my rapid heartbeat. "Plus, you're beautiful-" He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "-innocent and pure." He holds my face in his hands, but I can't look into his eyes.

_I am not innocent and pure._

"Tris, look at me."

"I am not innocent and pure."

"Yes. You are Tris. Believe me. No matter whatever he's done to you, you are. It is not and never your fault that that episode of your life happened."

"That's what you don't understand... It is al my fault. I brought myself into his life. You do not know what really happened between us." I pull my face away from his grasp and hug my knees to my chest; softly rocking myself back and forth.

"What do you mean, Tris?" He grips my chin and tries to make me look at him.

"It's... It's complicated." I look away.

"What happened Tris? Who was he to you?"

_He grabs my thigh tightly and whispers into my ear, "You won't regret coming here."_

_He pulls me into his room and throws me onto the bed._

"Can you just... hold me please?"

He wraps me in a warm hug and I feel myself trembling. I can't cry, there's nothing to cry about. But I need support. I need to know that someone is here with me, for me, caring for me.

"I don't think I'm ready to tell you yet, Tobias. I'm really sorry."

Tobias combs my hair with his fingers and whispers softly, "It's okay."

I breathe in the sweet and musky scent which he always carries wherever he is. The scent which I realise has been the source of comfort during my hard times. The scent which has put me to rest whenever the nightmares catch me. The scent which I have grown to love. The scent which reminds me of the man I think I am falling for.

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><p><strong>AN: Review and tell me your thoughts on this chapter! Love you guys ^^**


	23. Chapter 22: Being Brave

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent... Oh, and Blue's Clues**

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><p>I wake up to bright sunlight and sore limbs. I try to process where exactly I am. Bright sky, green grass... <em>Am I outside?<em>

I try to rise up from my sleeping position, but find strong arms holding me down. I turn my head to find myself facing Tobias's wide open eyes. "Morning." He greets with a smile.

"Did we fell asleep last night or what?" I ask him as I try to pull myself away from his arms. However, his grasp is firm and... maybe my will to let myself go free isn't that strong either.

"Well maybe you fell asleep and I decided that I do not want to wake you up. So I just follow suit." His voice rumbles deep within me as he places a soft kiss on the top of my head to which I sigh in content. I stay there, watching the occasional birds which flies above us, listening to Tobias's calm breathing.

"As much as I hate to say this, I think you need to get downstairs before Johanna gets angry." Tobias pulls me up and helps me to stand before pressing the blue button which slides the roof of the lookup tower close.

* * *

><p>"Tobias, you really don't have to do this." I plead him, begging him to let me down.<p>

"I insist Tris." Tobias smirks. He pushes my bedroom door open with his back and walks towards my bed. He places me down softly in a sitting position, his left arm still under my thighs and my feet touching his knees as he kneels down on the floor, facing towards me. His right hand rises to my cheek and caresses it. His gaze is set just slightly, slightly below my eye level and I have to immensely battle with the giddy part of me from crashing my lips to his.

"Tobias." I whisper out.

"Yes Tris?" He replies, finally looking into my eyes.

"No offence but, I need you to leave."

"Why?"

"Because I need to prepare myself for the morning and that means a shower and a change of clothes, which also means undressing myself."

"You know, I don't think I'll mind staying here at all."

I look at him with disbelieving eyes before chucking a pillow onto his head. "Tobias!" I scream with a big smile on my face. He laughs and places a quick kiss on my cheek before leaving the room.

Instead of undressing and taking a shower like what I told Tobias I will do, I plop down the bed and scream into my pillow to let go off the jittery feeling in me. My nerves are all in a jumble of mess because of that pervert, alluring, jerkish, caring, childish and witty young man.

And I can't help smiling.

* * *

><p>"When is your check-up appointment with your doctor?" Johanna asks me as she helps me out in the kitchen. I can't help feeling guilty about being in my condition which is making me seem like just another load in the house who uses the facilities in here and do nothing. I have ditched the wheelchair this morning when I realise that I can already walk around without it. Though the speed of my walks are still slow and I have to occasionally take a seat.<p>

"In about half-an-hour or so." I reply.

"Then you should leave now Tris. It's a 12 minutes drive there"

"But the plates Johanna-"

"Christina can do-"

"WHAT! Mum, stop pampering her. We hired her for a reason."

"Watch your mouth Christina." Johanna hisses to her daughter. "Tris, just go. It's okay." There is a note of finality to her tone and I really do not want to fight her. So I give a polite nod to Johanna and dash out of the kitchen as fast as my lower abdomen can allow then leave through the front door; immediately regretting it as I stand in horror at the sight of the man in front of me.

"Hey baby cakes. You look hot today. Seeing anyone in particular?" He asks as he saunters towards me.

"No. Just leave me alone Al."

Al ignores my words and only stops when he is just two inches away from me. His left hand rise up to my chest and I brush it off. I really do not know where does this sudden wave of courage bubbling in me comes from, but I am glad for it. He takes a step forward and I take a step back.

"Aww... The stiff's learnt to fight back, aye? No longer so stiff of the smell are you?"

The smell... Sage and lemon grass...

No. Fight it. Don't cower down. Do not freeze.

My back-steps come to a halt as I feel my back comes to contact with a wall. "Easy there tiger." His thumb hooks under my chin and it remains in his grip despite my struggles. His face comes close to mine as he spits into my face, "You better remember what I know you'v-"

"Albert?" The voice of Tobias comes from beside me. The look on his face is of pure surprise. He stares at Al in shock and disbelieve; his eyes wide open and his mouth agape. Slowly, like a dark cloud taking charge of the sky, his face morphs to one of an angry lion. "What are you doing to her?" He almost growls. He comes rushing to my side and Al slowly backs away. Tobias circles his left arm around my waist and holds my left shoulder with his right hand; a sign of protection. For once, the look on Al's face is a look of fear. He has never, ever in my life shown a frightful face before.

Al opens his mouth to speak but his usually clear and confident speech comes out in stutters and his voice wavers, "I-I was.. was... I was just..."

"Save your excuse Al. Because for this one time, I am not going to believe in whatever it is you have to say. But whatever you do, you better lay your fingers off of Tris or you'll find yourself at the bottom of the well beside your shed." Tobias warns him in a calm and measured voice before leading me to his blue jeep.

I want to protest getting into his jeep and just grab a taxi, but his fierce and demanding aura is sending the chills into me. So I stay quiet and lean into his arms; not to say that I am not enjoying his comfort. In fact, another thing I have found out about Tobias is that he loves protecting and helping others; possibly the selflessness in him.

"Tris, where's your wheelchair?" Tobias asks softly, but his anger and the slightest hint of impatience is still clear in his voice.

I look down nervously, "I..." What excuse should I give him? "..don't think I need them anymore", I end up more like asking instead of stating.

Tobias sighs but says nothing else. He helps me push myself up and closes the door softly before walking to the other side of the jeep. I await for the rumbling sound of the engine starting, but am met by silence. I turn to look at Tobias with a questioning look to which he responses with raised eyebrows. His left hand is suddenly by the by the left side of my head and his right hand is reaching for something by my right side. His body comes so close to me that I dare not move; frozen in spot. Then he speaks- says something into my ear. And his hot breath somehow travels through it, reaching down towards a deep pit deep, deep inside me. Emitting churning sparks at it's destination point. Then Tobias pulls away as I barely register a clicking sound- and I quickly miss his warmth.

The ride is silent. I am still not daring to say anything to Tobias as his 'Four' look remains on his face. I can't stand to not peak a look of his eyes through the rear-view mirror. His eyes are trained on the road. We reach a T-junction and the traffic light above us lights up its red colour. I glance a look at the rear-view mirror again to find the dark blue eyes starring right at me back. The colour of his eyes are of a dark, dark blue; so dark that it is almost black. The little twinkles which sometimes emit from his eyes always appears to look like the stars. Looking into his eyes is like looking into the starry night sky, dreaming about being at a much better place, being with the ones you love, being-

"HONNK!"

I jump and turn my head around to see a row of cars lining behind us, waiting for our car to move. Tobias mutters under his breath and hit the gas, speeding the car away from the junction.

The doors automatically unlocks as Tobias breaks his jeep at the hospital's drop-off area. He unbuckles his seatbelt and gets down from the car. I attempt to do the same, but by the time I am about to leap down from the jeep, Tobias holds his arms out and wraps them around my waist. I lean my elbows on his shoulders for support when Tobias grunts. Taking it as a sign of pain, I quickly lift my elbows; losing my balance and finding my chest falling flat on his face.

I mutter a sorry and quickly pull away once I find my feet on the ground. I stand there awkwardly, keeping my eyes on the ground with my hair around my face, not wanting anyone- Tobias to see the evidence of embarrassment on my face.

Tobias breaks the silence with an "Umm..." and my eyes automatically snap up to his. His pupils are slightly dilated and their gaze are set on something below my eyes, below my chin, below my neck... I feel my lower abdomen tingling and my heart picks up at a rapid rate. I bring my arms up and wrap them around my torso. His gaze quickly averts to my eyes and an alien red colour colours his slightly tanned cheeks. Tobias clears his throat and quickly says, "Just stay here I'll..." His eyes darts everywhere, looking anywhere but my eyes. "I'll go and park the car then help you up." Before I know it, he is already pulling his car away from me and driving it into the empty parking lot.

* * *

><p>"Hey Teresa." Dr. Greene greets with a warm smile. I nod a greeting with a smile and take a seat on one of the red chairs arranged opposite Dr. Greene's.<p>

I find myself being checked up through a whole range of different tests before Dr. Greene can come up with a conclusion on the state of health I am in. I wait patiently, and nervously, as Dr. Greene jots down and looks through the notes he wrote about my tests. I sigh in contempt as I feel Tobias's strong fingers combing through the roots of my hair. It reminds me of what mom always loves to do. My hand rises up to my neck and I pull the chain of my necklace so that its pendant falls above my blouse. The tips of my fingers trail along the embossed lines forming the bird on my pendant.

Dr. Greene looks up from his notes. He opens his mouth to say something but his eyes averts to Tobias's, then mine, then to Tobias again. The left side of his lips starts to curve upwards and I realise that Tobias's fingers freeze in their little ministrations. Dr. Greene digs his upper teeth into his lower lips and quickly looks down. "So, Teresa." His voice is unusually on the upbeat tone. Then he bursts into fits of laughter.

"Sorry I just..." He takes in a deep breath and his lower teeth resumes holding his lower lip. "So Teresa, I see that you are free from the infection. And the pelvic pain has been reducing though it haven't fully healed, but will in a short time. Stay away from anything which may-umm.. include using your-err.. infected area for the few weeks though."

I feel heat rushing up to my cheeks. "Matt, drop it. You know what she's been through", Tobias scolds; though I hear a small hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Sorry." Dr. Greene apologises with his hands up in mock surrender. "So I guess that is all. It's been great treating you. I'll set you up for another check-up next week." Dr. Greene rises up from his chair which we all follow suit. He offers me a handshake with a small smile which I return. He shares a handshake and a 'bro-hug' with Tobias whispering something into Tobias's ear. I watch as a red colour taints Tobias's cheeks and he glares deadly at Dr. Greene.

As we leave the room and catch an elevator, I can't hold back my curiosity and ask Tobias what did Dr. Greene whispered to him. "You really want to know?" He asks me back with his eyes in a squint.

"I suddenly am nervous about it, but yes, I want to know." I reply to him.

Tobias takes in a long breath then releases it in a sharp burst through the words, "He said to hold back my balls from hitting your guts."

* * *

><p>"One thing I still do not understand is that why am I treated so much not like a maid. It is just like, I do my work, then I rest. And I have like, all my needed necessities given to me. And here you are spending so much time with me when you could like, spend time with your friends or things like that- it all keeps me wondering..." I ask Tobias as we walk through the hospital garden on our way towards Tobias's car.<p>

The garden is a simple matter. Well, simple if you compare it with the 'wonder garden' back at the Eatons' house. It has an asphalt pathway which is lined by hedges of common flowers or just simply non-flowering bushes. Occasionally, you'll find a wooden bench planted on the ground by the pathway.

He keeps silent for far too long and my nervousness starts to crawl into my brain.

_What if he finds my question offensive. What if he feels as if I am not feeling grateful for what he's done?_

"Not that I am not grateful about it. I mean, even back at the orphanage, I wasn't treated this well. It is not that I have less work there, in that sense, I still have to clean more rooms, entertain guests with food or drink and also cook here and over there, I just have to clean up my room and cook for myself, then I also have to sell the world's worst oatmeal cookies to earn donation for the orphanage. Really, you guys are too-" I abruptly stop my speech when I Tobias clamps his hand on my mouth. He lets my mouth go and steps in front of me.

"Tris." He softly starts. "Stop it. You are rambling and obviously, you are feeling really, really nervous."

I chew the insides of my cheek as I try to wash my nervousness away.

"It's okay. There's no hard feelings about what you said." He replies.

I sigh in relief. But am still not happy with the answer I've attained. "But seriously, you guys are paying my hospital fees-"

"Dad's rich and he seldom spend his money so don't fret about it." Tobias reaches for my hand and gives it a light squeeze in a kind gesture- I am finding it very distracting...

"Well none of your family has ever treated me with disrespect or had been rude to me which makes me feel very much not like a maid... Maybe except for Christina."

Tobias laughs out loud as we resume walking.

"It's not that she isn't nice. She is- she really is. But she can be rude sometimes."

"You see, Marcus is all out with the treat others with respect and be there to help others and so on. So that is probably why. It is sort of like a trait which all of the Eatons possesses; and that did not just come from Marcus's mouth, but generally anyone who knows about the Eatons."

"Doesn't explains Christina though."

Tobias scratches the back of his neck. "Ahh..." He drags. "She's just.. like that naturally. You know, rude, impatient, and maybe she didn't grow up with Marcus."

I glance up to look at him."What do you mean?"

He freezes and his skin pales considerably. "Mean.. what?"

"When you said that she didn't grow up with Marcus."

"Well... I am not sure if I should tell you, but..." Tobias shakes his hair with his hand with his fingers buried deep within the dark brown strands. "Christina... she is not Marcus's daughter."

"She's Johanna's?"

"Well, no..." Tobias takes a seat on a nearby wooden bench and I follow suit.

"Umm... let's start from the beginning", he says. "Johanna was married to some guy before Marcus. But her husband was not at all happy after learning the news about how she can't carry a child. They had a fight, then she left him. My dad married Johanna a few years ago... It took him a long time to get over my mum's death."

"Oh."

Tobias nods his head. "They've known each other for a long while. He was Johanna's patient. I was too. Our neighbour found out about what Marcus did to me and reported it to some authority who decided to send Marcus to some psychiatrist instead of locking him up in prison because he thought that Marcus was mentally unstable. I was under Johanna so that she can help me heal from the emotional scars left on me by Marcus.

"So how does Christina enters the picture?" I ask, failing to keep my curious self in check.

"She was adopted when Johanna married my dad. Johanna was really close with Christina who was also her patient. She witnessed her parents, sister and boyfriend bleed to death in a car accident in which she was also involved in. It was very tragic especially when she was really close with her family. And she also talks about that boyfriend of hers, Will is his name, everyday.

So when Johanna was leaving her job as she was marrying my dad, she decided that she can't just sign Chris up to any random psychiatrist because Johanna really, really loves her and feels like Chris is this daughter she's always wanted. That's how she got adopted."

"That must have hurt her a lot."

Tobias nods in agreement then tugs my hand as he stands up from the bench. "Very", he agrees.

We walk towards the parking lot and climb up the jeep. A few hours later, we find ourselves facing blaring honks of the cars behind us which starts to make Tobias very, very anxious. His foot is tapping on the car mat whenever it is not slamming on the gas, his mouth is puckered, his eyebrows knit together and you can see a crease on his forehead. Being Tobias, he might carry on with his mood and scold the pettiest of things. Being me, I am trying to find a way to calm him down; especially when I know that he can do the craziest of things when he is angry. After much thoughts and considerations, I decided to just simply place a hand on his right forearm which is just resting on the armrest and give it a slight massage. His foot stops tapping, his mouth is still puckered but his eyes turns from anxious to questioning as he looks at my hand, then my eyes. I shrug my shoulders and answer, "You need to calm down."

He nods his head slightly and takes my hand in his. He gives me a grateful smile and we get home that way.

* * *

><p>"You know, you can stop carrying me up here. I can walk." I object as he places me softly onto the grassy carpet.<p>

"Maybe. But you still walk like an old granny. Just without sticks."

"Hey!"

"Seriously." Tobias answers with an 'innocent' face and his hands up in a mock surrender.

I just roll my eyes in response and lie down.

"So have you mapped out the whole Eridanus?" Tobias asks. He lays down beside me, his head just at an inch away from mine.

"Yeah. It's that one." I reply, pointing to the long river of stars.

"You know, they shouldn't name it the river. It should be given a name which gives it a greater impact."

"Like?" I turn around to look at him. He thinks about it for a moment before turning to look at me.

"I don't know. Something much more... grand. Something which makes it sound awesome and epic."

I laugh as he throws his arms in the air to imply the 'awesomeness', 'grandness' and 'epicness'-or maybe I am laughing out of the nervous feeling deep in me as his voice rumbles into my spine. "Try canyon." I suggest.

"Nah... We already have The Grand Canyon."

"I don't know... Gulf? Ravine? Gorge? Chasm?"

"That's the word! Chasm... The Grand Chasm of Eridanus where only those of dauntless hearts can cross- like Orion over there."

I raise my eyebrows at him and laugh at his excitement.

Just listening to the sound of our breathing and staring off to the night sky is enough for me. I plan to stay this way for the night. It feels nice to just have each others' company.

"Hey Tris." Tobias asks me.

"Yeah?" I reply.

"Do you know the flower acacia?"

"Yeah. They're my mom's favourites." I answer silently.

"Do you know what does it means if a boy gives you an acacia?"

I knit my eyebrows and squint my eyes. "Where are you getting at?" I ask.

He chuckles and replies, "Just answer the question."

"Umm... No."

Tobias doesn't responds to my answer. His slightly smiling face stays the way it is as he continues to stare of into the night sky. When he sighs and pulls me up, I realise that I am already half asleep.

"You didn't hear what I just said did you?" He asks me with his head slightly tilted sideways.

"Well, the last thing you said was... Just answer the question?" I try.

He laughs and gives my hand a soft squeeze. "You must be really tired already. Come, let's get you to bed."

"You sound like a fussy daddy!" I laugh.

He pulls me to the staircase and before he gets to pull me into his arms, I push his arms away slightly and say, "Please, let me walk. I want to try." He seems a little frustrated by it, but nonetheless, circles my torso with one arm lightly and urges me to walk down the steps. I notice that as we descend the steps, his grip gets tighter and tighter. I try to tell myself to not be bothered by it but it is not easy to just dismiss that electrifying shock and radiating warmth on my torso; his hand dangerously close to the upper part of my chest.

And when we reach the bottom of the steps, he decides to not let me go...

And I don't object.

"You don't have to do this." I tell him as he walks me all the way to my bedroom door.

"Do what?" He asks sincerely.

"Walk me to my bedroom."

"It's no problem really. My bedroom is just six feet away from yours."

"Oh yeah... I kind of forgot that." I blush and look down in embarrassment.

Tobias chuckles softly. He places kisses on the top of my head, then my forehead. "Good night, Tris. Don't have too much nightmares for me please. They... disturb me you know." Tobias looks into my eyes as he holds my cheeks. His eyes are pleading, pleading me to not have nightmares. I fail to understand why does my nightmares disturb him so much. _My screams can't be that loud can they? Christina have never complained..._

"You know I... I can't really control my dreams no matter how much I wish to."

"I used to think that dreams work that way too. But you know what? They can be controlled. It's all about the will and power you give in it. They aren't real."

"Really?" I ask disbelievingly. It is hard to believe that I did not try hard enough to control them. I'd give my life to stop my nightmares. In fact, dad always said that whatever happens in our dreams are just whatever that happens in Dreamland. So we can't really control what is happening in another different universe can we?

"You watched Blue's Clues?" Tobias pops a sudden question- well at least I think it is sudden.

"Blue's Clues?" I ask him; just to reaffirm in case I heard something wrong.

"Yes Blue's Clues. You know, the little puppy who pastes his paw prints all around the house and makes Steve find them?"

I still remember the little blue puppy running around with her owner, Steve. It was Hannah's and my favourite TV show. Jumping and shouting to Steve, telling him "A clue! A clue!"

"Yeah. I watch Blue's Clues." I reply with a sad smile.

"You remember Sleeping Beauty? That girl who had these horrible nightmares and Steve helped her out to change her dreams."

"Yeah... But it is _just_ a kids' thing, don't you think."

"You try it out and tell me." He looks into my eyes and seems as if he is holding back something. His eyes slightly glassy. He brings his right hand out from his pocket and pulls out a pink flower at the same time. He places the stem of the flower between my ears then dives his head to my left cheek and places a soft kiss on it; a little bit too close to my lips, and a second too long. "Be brave, Tris." He whispers, then runs away from me, entering his own room.

"I'll try..." I whisper to Tobias behind his closed door.

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><p>Thunder rumbles. Lightning flash. I run as fast as my legs can carry until I stop. Because of a dead end. I don't know why is it that I am always fated with a dead ending. It is always. Just so always that when I try to find a way out, I'll find myself facing a wall blocking my path.<p>

"Not so smart are we, Beatrice?"

I turn around and face Al with his usual mischievous eyes and malicious smirk. He saunters towards me and soon I find myself pressed to the wall by him, and that sage and lemon grass.

"It is such a pity that you shut down from fear." I try to push away his words as they try to swallow up my brain.

"I remember seeing much more in those eyes before you decided to give in to me. They had more strength- fear used to wake you up." I try to push them, block them, and ignore those hands crawling all over me... My legs, my arms, my chest, my thighs...

"You are so pathetic Tris. Tobias must be ashamed of you."

_Tobias..._

I promised to try controlling my nightmares for him. I have to try...

"What? Trying out a new tactic. You know I live in your brain Beatrice. I can hear you every thought, I know what you are trying to do so believe me, they won't work."

Nightmares... This is just a dream. Like a simulation. And I can will myself to wake up at any time, any minute, any second. Even now.

Al's sadistic laugh booms around me. "It won't work, Beatrice."

This isn't real.

Al's sadistic laugh booms around me.

This is NOT real.

Just wake up.

"You are being foolish. So foolish."

WAKE UP!

I look around and find myself in my bed again.

He is gone...

It wasn't real...

The dream WAS NOT real...

And I am in control of it. I am the one in control of my own brain, my own mind and my own fears.

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><p><strong>AN: Oh god, that's 4k+ words man 0.0 ...**

**My reviews hit the 200 mark! Yay ^^ Check out my special one-shot from Tobias's POV called Gloxinia of the moment from the ending of Chapter 5: Acacia until mid-way of Chapter 6: Sage and Lemongrass. And am planning to write another one to celebrate my 100 followers ^^**

**:) Thanks for reading and reviewing guys! Love you ^^**


	24. Chapter 23: Christina Hates Gnocchi

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>I wake up the next morning feeling unusually well rested. Even so however, I feel like plopping back down onto my bed and give in to its comfort. I force my legs up and walk to my closet to change before heading to my room door.<p>

Swinging the door open, I catch a glimpse of something yellow in colour on the ground.

A bouquet of yellow acacias, lightly tied with a white ribbon and placed on a straw basket.

_Tobias..._

No one else could have done this but Tobias.

I lift the basket and place it gently on my dresser. Lifting the acacias up gently, I notice a lone white flower amongst the bright yellow acacia- a gardenia with a note...

I pull the note and I could feel my cheeks heating up when I read out what the note says... _You're lovely._ My eyes snap to the mirror in front of me- and I find myself smiling.

I quickly shake off the jittering, butterflying feeling and run down the stairs then mull over the idea of making some gnocchi potato for breakfast as I pick up the morning paper. Seeing that it is still 6:00 A.M. and I still have two hours before Marcus comes down, I decide that I will. I boil up the potatoes in a pot of water and wait until the potatoes are cooked. I fetch the mixer from the low cupboard and mix in some flour, grated nutmeg, parmesan cheese and some salt and pepper. Then I mash up the potatoes I boiled and mix them together with the ingredients I mixed. The mashed potatoes should be cold for this, but I don't think I have the time to wait... I plop the mixed ingredient onto the worktop and boil some water before shaping the gnocchi dough.

"Someone is happy today."

The sudden boom of voice makes me jump and I turn around to find Tobias with an amused smirk. He leans himself on the doorframe with his arms lightly rested in an 'X' across his chest.

"You... You are the one who placed those flowers. It was you, wasn't it?" I ask him.

Tobias keeps his smug face as he saunters up to me, slowly with his arms still crossed on his chest. He comes closer and closer... So close... Too close... I can smell his sweet and musky smell which is oh so alluring. I can feel the warmth radiating from him which usually comforts me but is making me feel strangely excited today. Tobias lightly places his hands on my hip. I jolt at the contact, and try to pull myself away.

"What tchu cooking?" He asks. His eyes only looking into mine; deep inside mine. His lips quirks up slightly again and he peers a look into the pot of boiling water. "Let me guess... Gnocchi?" He turns back to look into my eyes, but I turn away quickly, afraid to get lost into those deep blue orbs.

I cross my arms on my chest in an attempt to create as much distance between us as possible. "You haven't answered my question, Tobias." I remind him- in a very tight voice,

I glance up one more time and met by those mischeviously gleaming blue eyes. I know that look... "Wow! You know how to cook gnocchi?"

Giving up, I forcefully push myself away from his grips and bend down to retrieve a strainer from the lower cupboard.

"My mum loved to cook and she had lots of recipe books in the house. Cooking reminds me of her and so I always try to look for recipe books in the local library back on the Buffalo Mountains which I can borrow. Gnocchi are one of the things she really loved to cook." I tell him.

Tobias hums in response and watches me fish out the gnocchi as they float above the bubbling boiling water.

"What would you like to have these gnocchi with?" I ask Tobias as I put away yesterday's morning paper and replace it with today's for Marcus. Being replied by silence, I turn around to give him a questioning look. But...

His eyes stare off into me... his midnight blue eyes slightly darker than they usually are... with a little bit of twinkle... just like the night sky... my saviour from the dark... the eyes I always find myself thinking about- dreaming about...

"Morning."

I squealed in surprise and spin around to find Marcus entering the kitchen. He has one leg frozen in mid-step and he looks at the both of us questioning look. "Did I.. do something? Interrupt something, perhaps?"

"No... I was just.. shocked. I'm- I am very sorry I was just surprised, I think." I apologise.

Marcus just nods in dismissal and takes his seat. He brings his forearms up and sets them on the island top. "Where's the breakfast?" He asks as he looks around the table.

"I'm sorry I was just finishing it. I was adding some-err.. Marinara sauce to it."

Marcus nods his head again and picks up his morning paper. I watch as he opens it and reads it silently.

I set the gnocchi on the table and clean up the utensils I used. Just as I am about to leave the kitchen, Johanna invites me to join their breakfast again. "I can't do this, Johanna. You know that it isn't proper for us to have our meals together..." I try to reason.

However, Johanna just replies with a dismissive, "Nonsense", and she brings out a plate for me. "That ritual is just to show the maids their place; which is necessary for maids with big heads. You've been here for more than a month and all that I've received from you is respect and obedience. Even when you weren't well, you still tried hard to do all that you can."

"And I dislike it when the person who cooks do not eat what they just cooked because it seems very selfish on our part." Marcus adds. "Here, take my seat."

Seeing their persistence in getting me to join their breakfast, I shyly take my seat and timidly scoop up some gnocchi and place them on my plate.

As Marcus and Johanna leaves the kitchen, Christina enters the doorway with a solemn look. She leaves her usual greetings unsaid and plops down on the stool before taking the fork into her hands. She pushes her potato gnocchi back and forth and looks at them as if they are not worthy to be called food before forcing one into her mouth. "Plain." She remarks and drops the fork back down. Her chair screeches on the floor as she pushes it back and get up to leave the kitchen.

I cringe at her words. I know that you can't expect everyone to love your cooking. There always would be someone in the millions of people in the world who would dislike it. But it hurts every time- especially when you spent so much commitment in it and you are not being shown any signs of appreciation for it at all.

"Chris, what is wrong with you? If you don't find this good, I don't know what will." Tobias half-scolds, half-asks.

Christina stops in her tracks and glares at Tobias. "What is it with all of you guys and the maid, huh?" Then the door slams close.

I stare at the gnocchi in my plate and wonder if they really aren't good enough. I thought I followed the recipe thoroughly... Maybe I didn't. Or maybe the recipe isn't good? Or maybe I just can't cook. I do have to agree that Marcus, Johanna and Tobias may be over treating me though... I feel a hand on my back and look up to be met by Tobias's kind eyes.

"Don't bother her remark, Tris. You know better than to be hurt by Christina's words." He whispers as he rubs soothing circles on my back. I do not reply to his statement. Probably because I find the logic in her words, probably because I do not understand why shouldn't I listen to Christina. She was right on the me being treated too well part...

"Come on Tris. Stop sulking, life is so much more beautiful when you smile." I furrow my eyebrows and look at Tobias. _Why is he so determined to cheer me up?_

"How about this, dad and Johanna are having lunch at one of the Whiting community services with Christina, you finish your work quick, then we can go to the local library. You do love the library don't you?"

I do. Because I can find all the books mom used to read to me, or the ones dad told about, and also the ones I read in the middle of the night under the blanket with Hannah...

"So what say you?" Tobias asks, a drop of hope clear in his voice. I nod my head a little and answer a timid, "okay."

Tobias smiles and places a soft kiss on the top of my head. He gives my back a little pat before leaving the kitchen; leaving me with gnocchi in my plate and dirty plates in the sink.

* * *

><p>"Seat belts, Tris. Please remember to fasten them." Tobias reminds me as he pulls the grey belt across my chest.<p>

"Sorry", I reply sheepishly.

He drives us out of the neighbourhood while trying to make me talk; pointing out the community services, naming the roads as we pass them, telling me urban legends about Whiting. But I could only answer with an occasional nod or a hum as my mind is still wondering about this morning's conflict with Christina.

"Do you think Christina is angry at me?" I ask Tobias as he is just about to tell me another urban tale.

Tobias mulls over my question for a while. "I would not deny that Chris has been acting very, very weirdly lately." Tobias replies to my question.

I look down in dismay. So Christina is angry at me. "But, I do not think that her temper is just because of you." I look up to Tobias with a questioning look. "You mean?" I ask him.

"You see, Christina have always had this feeling of not being favoured and all that because she is just adopted. And since Johanna loves Marcus, Christina believes that Johanna loves me more than Chris. However, she never saw that Marcus is not the type of person who favours anyone and that Johanna really cares for her.

Yes, he might be proud of my accomplishments more than he is proud of Christina; hence why I am enrolled to Princeton when Chris is most likely to just get a college degree or some nearby university, but that would most probably just be a father-son bond kind of thing. In fact, she is more to the, "can't do it, give up" kind of person. When she sees that her grades are low, she doesn't even tries harder in order for her to get to go to Princeton or even the Chicago U. Then she blames it on the bad teachers, her not being clever enough and so on. And when Marcus threaten her to not enrol her to any universities but just some private colleges, she accuses Marcus of not loving her as a father should.

So my guess is that she is not happy with something, it can even be that she is unhappy about herself, but she is blaming it on you. Or maybe she is just being foolishly jealous of you being treated well by me. She is kind of the possessive type of person. I pity her boyfriend or future husband..."

I chew the insides of my cheek and mull over Tobias's speech. "But you guys _really_ do treat me better than what you guys should."

Tobias smirks at me, "You do not enjoy my night company?"

"You are the one who needs company to climb up that flight of stairs."

"Admit it, your life would be much sadder and gloomier without my company. I am your only friend in Chicago."

I stick my tongue out to him, but Tobias just laughs a merry laugh which rises twinkles in his eyes.

I have to say that I _am_ thankful for his fear though. Because the nights spent up there with Tobias are probably the best nights I've ever had. Even last night when he mentioned about mom's favourite flowers- wait. Flowers... The acacias... "Tobias, you still have not answered my question this morning."

Tobias turns his head to me slightly and gives me a questioning glance. "Which question was it?" He asks.

"Seriously, I only asked you one question this morning and it was if it is you who placed those flowers in front of my room." I ask him incredulously.

A smile slowly creeps onto his face. He gives me his raised eyebrows, paired with his favourite teasing smirk and asks, "What do you think?"

I pucker my lips in annoyance and cross my arms on my chest, huffing out a breath of frustration. Tobias just laughs at me again and continues driving; leaving me very, very much annoyed, but with a small smile playing on my lips.

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><p><strong>AN: ****I know that I was supposed to write another Tobias POV one-shot to commemorate my 100 followers, but anyways, I wrote this random Fourtris one-shot which just came to me. It's titled, "For You, I Was A Chapter For Me, You Were The Book". Check it out and tell me what you think please ^^**

**So rate and review guys! I very much appreciate them ^^**


	25. Chapter 24: The Library

**A/N: I wasn't feeling like it yesterday and I couldn't get myself to write... So yeah, I'm one day late.**

**Anyway, I posted another Gloxinia chapter which I am not so fond of (I like the first one better) but well, tell me what you guys think?**

**And... find me on Tumblr?**

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><p><p>

**IMPORTANT ALERT: I CHANGED MARLENE TO SHAUNA BECAUSE OF A SUDDEN CHANGE OF PLANS... I hope you guys don't mind...**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.<strong>

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><p>"Here we are." Tobias says as we swerve into the parking lot of the local library. It looks simple. Just like an average two story house. But the building is tall and the area it spans through is definitely wide. I leap down from the car just as it comes to a halt and skip to the door way.<p>

"Are you just too excited or are you trying to ditch me?" Tobias asks as he catches up with me.

"Maybe a little bit of both." I tease him with a smile.

He places his hand on his chest in mock hurt. "Touché", he voices his 'hurt' feelings. Tobias grabs my hand and leads me through the library door as we both laugh at his childish ways.

"Kids!" Came a harsh whisper from our left. An old lady, a librarian really sat behind a counter looks at us with stern eyes. "Hush it down please. Some of us are trying to read."

"Sorry," Tobias apologises with a bow of his head before pulling me away.

I find myself stepping on a well-polished marble floor. The squeaking sounds of shoes walking around the library is the only music available; not even chatters can be heard.

"Fiction or non- fiction?" Tobias asks.

"Let's hit the non-fiction area", I reply.

Tobias nods his head and pulls me up a flight of staircase. He clutches the rails of the staircase tightly as we climb up higher and higher and I try to zip my mouth shut to not let the small giggles escape.

One can easily hear the relieved sigh which Tobias huffs out when we reach the wooden landing of the second floor. A group of girls passes by us and they give us a kind smile which we return. "You guys are very friendly people." I remark once they have all passed by.

"We live with the virtue of "Be Nice And Help One Another To A Better Community.". You can find those words written on every Whiting community service centre."

I nod my head in understanding.

"Now, what exactly do you want to read? Educational books are over there; those are like things which you learn at school and etc. History has its own section over there. You can also find books on civilisation in history, or also Guinness World Record books. Or maybe home projects in that section. They include cooking, gardening... You know, things like that." He asks as he points at different wooden doors.

I chew the insides of my cheeks and think. What do I want to read? "Well, I've always had a fascination on astronomy." _Both Hannah and I really_. "Maybe I can read some astronomy books?"

"Sure." Tobias smiles at me and drags me to the second door. With the large "SCIENCE" sign hooked up on the door. "Here. Be free to roam the area. I would like to check some things out in the gardening section", He says before he leaves.

The door is a little heavy to push compared to regular doors due to the door closer fixed on it. I step into the room of heavy book smell and try to muffle as much sound which emits from my shoes as I can when everyone turns their heads to look at me.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and an "umm.. miss?" from behind. When I turn around, I find myself facing none other than Shauna Greene in a blue blazer outfit.

"Hey, you're Teresa right?" She asks.

"It's just Tris please." I reply. "Do you work here?" I ask, due to the formality of her attire since she generally only where a blouse and a pair of jeans.

"Yup." She answers me, pointing at the nametag on the left side of her chest:

SUMMER LIBRARIAN: LYNN GREENE  
>SECTION: SCIENCE<p>

"A summer job which you love is probably the best ever. I'm a librarian as long as the summer lasts."

I furrow my eyebrows. "Is your name Lynn or Shauna?" I ask her.

"It's Shauna. Lynn is simply a made up name which I call myself to the world. But I'm still Shauna to my good friends." She smiles.

"I'm a friend?"

"It would be lovely for us to be one. You seem nice." Shauna smiles and I can't not smile back. "Anyway, your shoes are supposed to be taken off and kept right over there." Shauna says as she points at a shoe rack by the door.

"Oh... So that is why everyone were looking at me..." I realise as I walk to the shoe rack and Shauna lets out a small laugh. "You've never been here have you?" She asks. I shake my head a no and ask her if she can perhaps help me out.

"What book would you like?"

"Anything about astronomy."

"Good choice." Shauna smiles sweetly at me as she pulls me through the rows of bookshelves. She tries to create conversations with me and I feel obliged to join in. Not just because she is being nice to me, but also because I know about the hardships she's been through and I know that it must be hard for a person like her to find the world worth living through any longer.

"You like astronomy?" Shauna asks.

"Yup. Do you?"

Her smile falters a little and I notice how her eyes glistens. "Yeah I... I love astronomy. My younger sister did too."

"Your sister?" I ask her. "You have a sister?"

"Had. She passed away a couple of years ago."

"Oh..."

"Anyway, here. These books are all about astronomy." Shauna quickly tries to cheer up the vibe and smiles at me. I can still see sorrow in her eyes...

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><p>"BOO!"<p>

"AAH!"

"Shh!"

I hit Tobias upside his head and scold him for giving me a scare. "We are in the library Tobias." I whisper harshly at him.

"Sorry. Didn't think that you'll be this scared." He answers with a smile. I shake my head at him and prop my head on my left elbow, setting my concentration back on the book.

"So.. what tchu reading?" Tobias asks as he sits on the empty chair on my left.

"Astronomy."

"I know that you're reading astronomy... Just what about _exactly_." He rephrases as he tries to peak a look at my book, craning his head above mine.

I straighten up and shut the book, making sure that my index finger is placed in between the pages I am at. Tobias reads the cover out loud, "Usborne's First Encyclopaedia on Space. What?! You're reading this? This is kid's stuff."

"It's what Hannah and I loved to read. It's our favourite." I reply quietly, sighing out of grief and staring at the book cover. "They didn't change any bit of the book other than the new covers." My heart starts to swell as I remember those late nights we spend under our blankets with a red flashlight, reading the book.

I shriek as I am suddenly encaged in a tight embrace. Tobias holding me tightly in his arms. "Umm... Tobias?" I try to give him a little nudge when he doesn't responds. "Tobias, what are you doing?"

"Giving you comfort", he mumbles out a reply as he keeps his arms around me tightly.

"I... didn't ask for-err... comfort?"

"I know. And I know that even though you didn't ask for it, you need it. And I also know that you are loving it. So just shut up and succumb into it."

I smile. _You keep my head in a turbulence as I try to figure out who you exactly are... Sweet, caring, strong, tough, but a little bit sensitive- maybe a lot bit sensitive_.

"Umm..." A voice disturbs our peaceful serenity. "Hand fondling are not allowed in the library please..."

"That is hand fondling, Shauna. We are _hugging_." Tobias remarks as I pull myself away from him, straighten up and look down sheepishly.

"Tobias?!" Shauna almost shouts, clearly not expecting him.

Being Tobias, he can't stop his Tobias number four from offering a sarcastic remark, "Je suis Tobias. Et vous êtes?"

"So you guys are like a... couple or something?..." Shauna asks with a little bit of shock- and a lot bit of hurt.

I quickly answer a no to Shauna. However, Tobias has other ideas...

"We might be and we might not be... It does not really matter does it?"

"Tobias, we are not. Just say it." I scold him, though a lump forms in my throat as I spoke those words out.

"Fine... We are not a couple. Happy?"

I hit his shoulder with my fist and turn my attention towards the forgotten Shauna. She is smiling, beaming, almost giggling. "You know, you guys are really cute together; you should be a couple."

"Hah! See Tris, we are a couple. Everyone can see it."

"What!? No, we are not."

"Do you want us to be?"

He spots his cheeky grin and mischievous gleaming eyes and I have to fight back the annoyed me who wants to punch him in the face and the giddy me who wants to kiss him and say yes. So I resort to following the sane me and just roll my eyes and place my head on my left elbow again to continue reading.

Tobias laughs, gets hushed by Shauna, and pulls out some bluish card with the words "LIBRARY MEMBER" on it. "Get a book to borrow if you want to. Here, use my card." I take Tobias's library card out of his hand. "I'm leaving. Mum and dad will be home in an hour. You have five minutes. I'll wait for you in the car." Tobias informs, kisses the top of my head, then he leaves.

The seat beside me screeches as Tobias drags it to get up. I briefly scent of lavender and rose catches my attention. Shauna taps my shoulder and asks me, "So are you guys or are you guys not dating?"

I close my book and let out an exasperated sigh as I slam my head on the desk- quietly. "No. We are not."

Shauna gives me a disappointed look. "But you guys should you know. I really mean it when I said it."

"Aren't you supposed to be angry or jealous at me? I mean, you like him and your father and his father have sort of like arranged your marriage."

Shauna bites the insides of her cheeks and stays quiet for a moment. "I may be a little bit in love with him still. But I know that he is not exactly the guy. In fact, there is this friend of Tobias at Princeton who I kind of have a crush on. It is just that my dad is so into this me marrying Tobias plan that I always avoided his advances... I even only told him to call me as Lynn even though I want him to be a close friend. I think he likes me too..."

"Oh..."

"Yeah... So when I saw you guys hugging just now, I was a little bit hurt because... you know, I've been holding up myself from showing any sort of affection, even a friendly one, to that guy I like; yet, Tobias just goes and hugs another person so I felt like he is not repaying my favour... Though the favour I am doing is more to like for my father and Marcus rather than Tobias really."

"So... you and Tobias are on the same grade?"

"Same grade, but I am two years younger. My dad pushes me to achieve higher grades and I end up finding myself on advanced placement. Then enrolled in Princeton. Here, I'll keep your book, you go and chase your guy." She throws me a winks at her words.

"He is not my guy, Shauna..."

"Oh but you want him to be." I glare at her. "Come on, admit it!" She laughs.

I chew the insides of my cheek and turn away.

Yes... I really want him to be mine and for me to be his. God, I want us to be a couple. But it is pretty impossible isn't it? He most definitely won't ever love me like how lovers should. The way he comforts me and protects me, they are more of a brotherly responsibility... Yes, he sees me like a little sister who he needs to protect. And he would never love me the way I love him...


	26. Chapter 25: The Book And The Secret

**A/N: This chapter has some lines which are quoted from the book Tris is reading. I underlined the lines which are from the book to avoid confusion.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>"What took you so long?" Tobias questions with a forlorn face as he fires up the engine.<p>

"You gave me five minutes." I reason out crossing my arms across my chest in a defensive stance and sit silently.

"Are you suicidal?"

"WHAT!? I am not!"

"Well you never remember to fasten your seat belts." Tobias points out.

"Doesn't mean I'm suicidal, Tobias." I huff out.

"Now I am thinking that you are purposely 'forgetting' to wear your seat belts so that I will do it for you." He sighs as he reaches for the grey belt.

"You do not have to do it."

Tobias just fastens my seat belt and places another kiss on the top of my head. I shove his face away and glare at him. He smirks as a response before asking with a nod of his head towards the book in my hand. "What tchu get for yourself?"

"Shauna told me to get this one." I say, showing him the book with a picture of a white envelope, set upon a red silk cloth. A few types of flowers borders the book line. The tittle is written in cursive and the name of the author, Robert Black is written in a smaller font just below the tittle.

_Robert Black?_ I turn the book around and read the "about the author page" which features a familiar face at the top right corner.

"Oh god... I think this is Susan's brother..."

"Susan?" Tobias asks distractedly; his eyes trained on the road ahead.

"Yeah. I mentioned about her the other day."

Tobias furrows his eyebrows in thought. "I think I remember that. The only friend you have other than me."

"Um... yeah, you can put it that way or you can also say the only friend I had at the orphanage and make me sound more sociable."

Tobias says nothing but just laughs as a response.

"You know, Robert Black is a pretty good author", he later speaks out. "He usually writes thrillers, crime novels- he's got a pretty diverse mind in his head. You know what this book is about?"

I shake my head a no and turn the book around to read its synopsis.

_Robert has always taken interest in the little brunette, Beata, who is five years younger than him. But he is too shy to tap on her shoulder and ask her out on a date or write a love letter to her. When he wakes up to a nightmare in which Beata dies in a fire, he realises that he needs to confess his love before fate separates them. _

_Being the shy person Robert is, he decides to confess his love for Beata with secret love letters. While some might write love letters with anonymous names, Robert does his with flowers. _

"It's a love story with this guy conveying his love through flowers."

"Cool?..."

"I don't usually read love stories..."

"Really? Girls usually do."

"Well, I don't." I sigh out.

I soon, however, find myself stuck with the book.

Old habit die-hard I guess...

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><p>I drop the book on the kitchen island to drain the water out of the pot of spaghetti as they have soften to al dante. I miss reading so much that I can't seem to let go of the book. Reading is such an enjoyment. I think I even fell asleep with the book last night.<p>

I melt some butter in a pan over a full fire on the gas stove before crushing some black pepper into it. I hold in my breath while I stir the butter and pepper together in the pan just in case the black pepper tickles my nose and makes me sneeze. Just as the butter reaches its boiling point, I pour in the spaghetti and mix them in the butter sauce thoroughly. Then I quickly add in the grated parmesan and stir it before the cheese gets chunky. I turn off the gas and serve the Cacio e Pepe on a platter before dressing up the table for the Eatons. After I clean the dirty dishes, I sit on the high stool in the kitchen and take out 'The Secret Love Letter' while the Eatons have their dinner in the dining area.

_He calls out her name, struggling through the strong grips of the firemen which is restraining him from entering the burning house. The fire is too big. How can Beata ever survive? _

_"ROBERT!" She calls- she pleads to Robert to save her. He tries- he tries with all of his life to break himself free from the strong grasps of the firemen, but they won't budge. _

_The fateful wooden shaft fell on Beata and she lets go an ear-piercing scream. _

_He springs up awake from his bed. _

_A nightmare. Just a nightmare. _

_He have been having a lot of these nightmares lately. All involving Beata to be killed. That beautiful, lovely brunette who he had been dreaming of since grade school. _

_"Hey Pete." Robert waves to his only friend from school. He is lonely... Handsome, sweet, but nobody places any interests in him. Everyone looks at the highly-rated group of 'awesome' guys.. and Beata. _

_Everybody wants Beata. And Robert doesn't stand a chance... _

"You seem to enjoy that book." Tobias remarks; making me jump a little out of surprise.

"I've just started reading it actually." I reply nonchalantly, burying my concentration back into the book.

"But you were so into the book that you seem to not have even realised me entering."

_However, Robert is determined. He have made up his mind to confess his love to Beata. He will do it no matter what. _

"Christina is in a better mood today. She at least did not give sour remarks to everything and storm off to her room." Tobias comments to which I hum a reply.

_Beata has seen it in his eyes; love and passion. She knows that Robert has taken an interest in her. And she likes it. _

"You know, Marcus and Johanna are going out again next week. I think we might find some time to go to the library again." Tobias tries. I hum another reply as I continue to read.

_She always liked Robert. But how can she approach him without getting her brother and his annoying friends who are always there around her, 'protecting' her, how can she get them to not stop her from seeing Robert. _

"Hey, you wanna come up to the stars with me tonight?" Tobias asks as he leans his weight on the kitchen island.

I nod my head to Tobias as a reply but set my concentration on the book still.

_Beata knows that he loves her because he's always listening to her when she is chatting with her friends, always attending her public speeches. That is what mom said, those in love would want to hear the voice coming out of that person their hearts are calling for. _

_They'll find themselves missing that voice everyday. _

"Hey, don't you want to clean that plate?"

"In a while Tobias!" I reply exasperatedly. "Why are you trying to get me to talk so much?"

He pouts at me before leaving the kitchen, muttering out a sentence which sends my heart running a thousand miles per hour... "_Maybe I just miss your voice..._"

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><p>"So are you enjoying that book you borrowed?" Tobias asks with his body in a straight soldier position as he looks up to the night sky.<p>

"Don't know. I just started." I reply grimly.

"Oh..."

_Where in the world is that Scorpius? _

"Have you found Scorpius yet?"

"No. And if you keep on trying to get me to talk with you, we'll end up talking instead of looking for stars."

Tobias mutters out some incoherent words and pushes himself slightly further away from me. Why is he acting so weirdly? It is as if Christina's temper have gotten into him.

"Aha! There's Scorpius!" I shout out in excitement as I point out the line of stars to Tobias. "See that? That one over there, slightly below Libra."

Tobias only hums a reply. He hums a short and downbeat hum which makes him sound very, very gloomy.

Of course! Johanna told me the other day, hurt his heart a wee bit and they'll go off sulking until the day's end...

I find myself smiling amusingly at Tobias as I watch his pouting face and glaring eyes focused onto the dark sky above us.

"Are you sulking?" I ask him innocently. He finds that offensive somehow as he glares at me and gives me a reply in a tone slightly too angry sounding, "I am not. Sulking is to be silent and annoyed. You're the one who's being so silent and annoyed today."

"So you're angry at me because I have only been giving you short replies and have been annoyed by your attempt to get me talking?"

Tobias shrugs but makes no attempts to explain himself. "You are perplexing and very hard to understand, Tobias."

"You are the one who never wants to tell me anything about what's bothering you in the nights or even why Al is so scary to you. I told you about my mother!"

"What!? And you're angry because of that? Look, it may be easy with you. But it is not for me. I've never opened up to anyone in my life. Never trusted anyone else. Why? Because all of the people I had who I opened up to always, always leave me in the end. They always betray me and leave me. And it hurts. It hurts a lot. It gives me a real deep scar to be betrayed that way."

"And you don't trust me?! For all these weeks we've been together you still don't and won't trust me?! _I _trust you. I trust you with my whole heart Tris! I've never told the story about how my mother died or how my life had been a living hell when I was smaller to anyone else except for you and Johanna!"

This silence me. _He trusts me that much? _

"I thought that I have found a friend in you, Tris. A friend who'd share secrets and open up with each other. You promised to open up with me..."

I don't know how to answer that. Yes, I did promise him. But I need time. And I told him that. And he said that it is alright. But then of course, what I said just now must have made him feel hurt. It sounded as if I do not trust him. And won't ever.

"Let's just.. get back downstairs?" I ask quietly as I get up and attempt to leave the room.

"You're running away, Tris." He gives me a deadly stare as he stands up and walks to the door, guarding it as if I am his captive. And I am terrified. God, I am terrified of his stare, of that glare.

"Why Tris? Why won't you tell me?" His voice is full of hurt. He is hurt. I hurt him. I betrayed him because I am afraid that he might hurt me. And I start to feel it, the lump in my throat, the tears prickling in my eyes. And my breathing coming short.

"I-It's... It's not easy for me Tobias, I..." The tears starts to fall and I try to choke back my voice and reply him in a firmer tone.

But I can't. I try to but I can't. I'm scared, terrified. I am afraid because he is angry at me. Terrified by the fact that I angered him, hurt him deep, and he might not forgive me. I feel my lungs trying to pump in more oxygen in but are having difficulties with the lacking quantity of oxygen inside me.

"It is easy. Just say it, it can't be that hard, Tris."

"It is! I told you it is! It is!" I gasp in a sharp breathe in, trying to calm myself down.

"No it isn't!"

"Fine! You really want to know why? Why I have been so afraid of Al? Because everyone had been so nice to him. And you yourself told me to not be afraid of him. Yet he is the one who raped me!"

I told him... I told him... Now he is going to think of me as a liar because everyone believes that Al is a nice person. A person who can't and won't even hurt a fly. And Tobias's silence just confirms it.

I push him away and run down the fifteen creaking steps, not bothering if Tobias will find troubles getting down alone. I need to get away from him before he starts scolding me.

"Tris! Tris wait!"

I shut my ears and try to block out his calls. I burst into my room and click the lock on the knob then collapse into my mass of pillows on the bed.

He'll hate me...

He hates me...

He's hating me...


	27. Chapter 26: I Have To Face Him Sometime

**A/N: I'm feeling a bit inspired to write today for no exact reason. Well... maybe I am feeling motivated to write for my lovely 126 followers! Thanks Thea :) Your words touches me though I still think your writing is far better than mine.**

**I'd also like to thank my three very loyal guest readers who always reviews on every chapter though I sadly can't reply to you. But there is one guest reader I specifically want to thank for pointing out that you do not quite like the last sentence in the previous chapter because I went back to it right after receiving your review (which was the third review for the chapter) and fixed the last few parts and I am very much satisfied with the reworked one. So thanks to you!**

**Anyways, enjoy my two days early chapter!**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.<strong>

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><p>Tobias leans against the cold metal rail of the balcony, his wavy dark brown hair comb neatly around his head. His hands rests deep inside the pockets of his jeans.<p>

"Hey." I whisper once I come close enough to him.

But he doesn't budge.

His jaw clenches slightly but he stares up to the unusually cloudy sky; his stare hard and cold.

I call for him again, but he stays stationary. I lift my hand to place it on his forearm. I can barely touch the soft cotton material of his black shirt before it is tugged away from me.

"Don't touch me." His words spits like venom.

"Tobias?"

"I'm done of your fucking bullshit, _Tris_."

"Wh- what are you talking about? Tobias I've neve-"

"I said I am done of it Tris! Or should I call you _Beatrice_?"

His cold eyes turn to look at mine at last- but I wish they haven't. Because it is cold, empty and life-less. "You're a sick little attention whore" He lets out a scoff. "I can't believe I've ever been friends with you."

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><p>Scream and grab for the inhaler... It's the familiar cycle all over again. Tobias helped me chase those dreams nightmares away... But they're back... and he's away...<p>

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><p>A silhouette of a man looms beside my bed making me jump in fright. I slam my hand on the switch of my bedside lamp, only to find out that it is just Tobias.<p>

"Tobias..." I sigh in relief.

He keeps on staring at me, as if he's waiting for me to do something... I shudder under his gaze. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" I end up asking him.

"I don't know." He shrugs. His well-built body leans against the poster at the foot of my bed. "Perhaps you could show me a little bit of what you share with your beau."

"What?..."

"Oh I don't know, Tris. It's all up to you really." His eyes starts to grow darker...

"What- who? What are you talking about?"

A smile sweeps dangerously onto his lips, curling it upwards in a twisted way. His left knee bends and climbs onto my bed. "Hmm..." He hums in a mocking question. As he starts crawling towards me; inching nearer and nearer as I back further away from him. "I wonder who?"

My back hits the headboard. And he's still coming closer. I might feel safer is this man in front of me, inching towards me is Tobias. But this isn't him. This is some twisted man who is nothing like Tobias. Yet his eyes are as blue as his and his hair are as brown and wavy. He still radiates heat, but this heat doesn't warms me up, it burns me with fear.

And I am wrinkling as he starts to straddle me, an arm planted on both sides of my head, caging me in his hold.

"Tobias stop this! What are you doing?" I shove him back.

His eyes gleam with anger and I quickly set my feet on the ground to run for the door. But I could get as far as grazing my toes onto the wooden floor before he pulls me back.

"Tobias let me go! I don't know what you're talking about!"

He slams me onto the mattress of my bed before pinning me down. "Maybe you would know if I mention the name Al?"

"But I'm... he... he isn't my anything and I've never shared anything with him. He stole everything from me!"

"Liar", he sings. And he says it so insultingly as if he doesn't even give a damn about how much it hurts being a victim of child abuse and sexual assault.

And when I see the dark and twisted smile gleaming down at me before he strikes me, I realise that he probably doesn't care about me.

He probably never would.

He probably hates me.

And I lose the will to fight.

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><p>Again and again, I find myself screaming myself awake and crying myself asleep. I tried to fight the bad dreams. But I can't it was too hard.<p>

Even though every time I wake up and realise that they were just dreams, they were all so vivid and real that it keeps on making me think that they're real. But I know that Tobias won't turn into an evil man. He is not Al. And I am sure of it.

Well, I was...

But no, he won't- can't turn into a monster they were just dreams and he's still Tobias.

But he might have turned colder after I revealed my secret to him...

I try to spend as much time in the shower as possible to buy time before I have to go down and meet him.

_But I have to face him sometime... _

I tie up my hair in a simple bun and reach for the door knob. My cold fingers touch its metal surface. Taking in a deep breath I turn the knob, then swing the door open slowly.

Purple.

Lying on the floor in front of my feet is a bouquet of purple hyacinth

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><p>I walk into the kitchen to find Johanna frying something on the stove. Am I late?<p>

"Um... I hope I'm not-"

"No, no. You definitely aren't late. I just thought that I'll do the cooking since you need to prepare the guest rooms." Johanna replies as she grabs a pepper mill and crushes some peppers into her cooking.

"Pardon me?"

"Is there anything I can do?" the booming voice of Tobias surprises me. I jump back and turn around to find him standing a bit too close to me. I quickly step into the kitchen a little bit deeper.

"Can you show Tris the guest rooms please? I need to finish this cooking before the Pedrads arrive with Marcus."

"Sure." Tobias replies to his mum... while looking directly into my eyes. I quickly look away.

"It's okay. I know where the rooms are." I announce quickly before running out of the kitchen in an attempt to get away from Tobias.

_I have to face him sometime... _

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><p>"Zeke! It's been ages." Tobias's cheery voice greets the Pedrads. I am in the kitchen, far away from both of them. Yet I can hear him and I can know that the voice belongs to him. And I miss it. I miss it with all my heart.<p>

Their laughter is coming close. Then closer, and closer; and all too soon, his gaze sets upon me. His eyes are on me. Burning me. Like how the harsh summer heat burns your body up.

"That's her?" A male voice whispers.

I quickly finish cleaning up the plates before running out of the kitchen to clear my mind- and to run away from Tobias.

_I have to face him sometime..._

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><p>It feels empty... everything feels not right. I usually am with Tobias watching the stars at this moment. But here I am, all alone. I could be reading the book which I borrowed from the library when I went there with Tobias before... before...<p>

_I have to face him sometime... _

I take the book in my hands and stare at the cover. Taking in a deep breath, I turn the pages to the page I was at.

_So they resort to the final way, secret love letters. Pete suggests Robert to write an anonymous love letter. But he won't do that. How will _Beata know that it is him who wrote the letter?"

_And so he came with a great idea._

_~o0o~_

_"Bye m_om!" Beata waves as she walks away from the car.

_"Hey babe!" Simon greets. _Beata huffs in annoyance as the boy walks up to her.

_"You can stop calling me that. We're not even dating." She protests as she crosses her arms on her chest._

_"Oh but we will." Simon winks as he walks towards _Beata's mom's car to greet his best friend, Beata's brother and sweet talk with he mom.

_Beata_ rolls her eyes and walks to her locker. When she opens it, her heart skips a beat.

_Lying on top of her stack of books is a bouquet of flowers._

_Red roses and carnations, deep purple gloxinia, and bright yellow acacias..._

My own heart skips a beat.

Acacias...?

_On the white ribbon, _Beata can read out;

_Dearest _Beata,

_The roses, when I see them, I remember you. Not because you look similar, but because you are so beautiful that when the florist asked me if the roses are the prettiest thing in the world, I told her no. And that I know a girl who's beauty is a far cry compared to these roses._

_The rest of the flowers... Well, they mean things. And their meanings are what I am trying to convey to you..._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Robert..._

_Beata_ could feel her eyes swelling up. Not out of grief, but out of unutterable joy.

_"_Beata!"

_Beata_ quickly slams her locker shut and turns around to face her brother.

_"I have to look up for the meanings of those flowers." She tells herself._

Me too...


	28. Chapter 27: Bloody Knuckles

**A/N: A great shout-out to DauntlessPopTarts for sharing her idea with me for this chapter. It isn't exactly like how she suggested, but it was what came out after reading and trying to piece her idea in my story.**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.<strong>

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><p>Heleniums...<p>

Right in front of me are super bright red heleniums.

_What is Tobias up to with these flowers? _

Ignoring the bouquet, I hurry into the kitchen and resort to preparing a simple pancake breakfast for the Eatons and Pedrads. I pull out the box of flour and baking powder from the high cabinet then rush to the condiments rack to grab the salt. The stack of mixing bowl falls with a loud thud as I try to pull out the middle-sized bowl.

"Ugh! What's wrong with you today!" I scold myself as I toppled out the contents of the sugar jar while trying to scoop a spoon of it into the batter.

"Morning!" I turn around and find myself facing the supposedly, some very good friend of Tobias. "You're Tris aren't you?" He queries to which I nod a reply.

"I'm Zeke. Ezekiel Pedrad. But just call me Zeke for short."

I give him a small smile an a nod before getting back to my pancake batter.

"You _are very_ shy to new people; just as Tobias was talking about."

I stop beating the batter. "He talks about me?" I question him.

"Yup! Tobias won't stop talkin' about a certain cute Blondie who-"

A thump bangs out of the blue; causing me to lose my grip on the ladle of pancake batter in my hand as I am about to pour it on the sizzling griddle. "Zeke!" An angry Tobias has his fists on his hips right under the doorway to the back-garden.

"Hey, chill man. Didn't say anything." Zeke attempts to calm Tobias down. But he keeps his deadly glare on his face as he walks towards the kitchen sink. I rush to the counter beside it to pull the bowl of batter away from the sink in fear of having some tap water splash into it, but right when I look at the sink, I freeze.

On the knuckles of Tobias's hands are fresh, red, blood stains.

"Tobias?" I gasp.

He briefly turns to look at me with a stern scowl before promptly shutting his eyes and taking a harsh breath in. "It's... It's none of your concern." He breathes out, slamming on the handle of the tap to turn it off before furiously splattering the remaining water on his hands and marching up to his room.

Zeke is the first to break the silence. "What happened?" He asks.

"I... don't know", I reply.

Snapping out of my trance, I pull the bowl of pancake batter away from the sink, which some drops of tap water did splashed into it, and start to fry the pancakes.

I place the stack of pancakes on the table, setting the first batch of pancakes in a plate and in front of Zeke's seat. The first batch was slightly burnt because of the over-heated griddle, but Zeke said that he'll have them. "It's okay", he told me and continued to which he smiled, "I love burnt pancakes."

I walk into the living room where Marcus is... having a... lecture? with Tobias. He is telling Tobias something in a stern, harsh whisper while Tobias glowers and stare intently, grimacingly towards the ground.

I give three knocks onto the arch of the living room to grab their attention. "Breakfast is ready." I tell them. Tell him. As he turns to look at me with those dark and intense blue eyes- those dark blue eyes I've grown to miss so much.

Marcus nods at me and says that they'll be there shortly with a surprisingly kind smile- even though it is a very brief one.

"Do you have some chocolate sauce or something?" Zeke asks me just as I return to the dining area. I hurry to the food cupboard and bring out a jar of Nutella. "Thanks." He smiles as he screws the jar open and spreads some Nutella onto his pancakes.

It is only a short while after, just as Zeke had finished spreading Nutella onto his pancakes when Tobias pulls out the chair beside Zeke and pulls out some pancake from the serving platter and onto his plate. He starts to sprinkle some cinnamon powder onto his pancake before scooping some honey from the honey jar as Zeke takes a large bite from the pancake. "Mmm... This is brilliant", Zeke says in admiration. "Tobias, this girl you found here is brilliant. You've got a great girl."

"I'm not his!" I object.

"Oh really?" Zeke asks mockingly. "But Tobias here wishes that you would be."

"Can't you hold your tongue!?" Tobias hisses.

"Okay, okay. Sheesh... Seriously man, I was just joking..."

"Kids... Stop fighting please." Johanna says as she approaches us with the Mrs. Pedrad in tow.

"We are not kids, Mrs. Eaton. We are well-grown adults."

"Who acts like children." Pipes in Mrs. Pedrad.

I leave the dining area quickly before Johanna makes me join their breakfast again and start cleaning the dirty utensils. However, by the time Marcus comes in for breakfast, I already have to fry another batch of pancakes because Zeke have eaten most of them and there weren't enough for Marcus and Christina.

"Where's Christina?" Marcus asks. "We're leaving for the park in five minutes, she said that she would love to come along..."

"I'm here dad." Christina grumbles as she trudges into the dining area picking a plate of pancake for herself.

"Tris," Johanna grabs my attention- although her focus is set on her gold trimmed phone. "Al told me that one of our rosemary plants is dying. I told him to bring in the ones which we could use for cooking. However, he broke his leg earlier this morning and it would be hard for him to bring in the rosemary and water the plants in the garden today. Perhaps you could help him while we're away?"

The hair on my skin erects alarmingly. There's no way am I ever going to help Al in the garden while everyone else is far away from the house.

"Tris? You get me?" Johanna asks with a frown.

"I'm sorry, I-I was distracted." I apologise.

She heaves out a sigh then looks at me expectantly.

"Umm... sure. I... I'll help him out as soon as I get the plates done." I agree to her commands. _It's not like Al can do anything much with a broken leg can he?_

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><p>The pine door stares at me as I touch its handle hesitantly.<p>

Nope. Just no. There is no way ever am I going to stay in that garden with Al alone. God knows what would happen if I do.

_But come on, Tris. You can't be that easily affected by Al. You aren't a coward. There is really nothing ever that Al can do with his broken leg._

Hesitantly, I pull the door open and stare at the garden in front of me. The brightly coloured flowers scream danger and warns me to back off and run away.

_Tris, this isn't the matter of life and death. Seriously, there is nothing that Al can do to you._

But right when I reach the great oak tree, I immediately know that I am wrong.

"Hello Beatrice."

Right in front of me, Al is standing straight and tall; his legs showing no signs of damage. His face however shows a whole different story.

His once handsome face is battered and bruise. His mischievous green eyes which always shines with mischief are dark and filled with anger. Anger and deep hatred.

"I heard that you've told someone about our little affair. Ran into the arms of your charming prince did you? How pathetic Tris."

Everything starts to click in. Tobias confronted Al about us. That explains his bloody knuckles this morning.

He slowly walks up to me, towers over me. And I find my feet planted, rooted to the ground. #Where's that spark of courage I had?

He pulls my body to him, but I jerk myself away. I run back to take the path towards the kitchen door but find myself facing the ginger head man who asked me directions to get to Cleveland avenue.

_God... No! _

I attempt to run through a different path but Al stops me and pulls me back to him by my collar.

"I see that you have forgotten one big thing Tris." He spits into my face. The strong smell of sage and lemongrass overwhelming me.

"You, _Beatrice_,are mine." He hisses, each and every word slowly and dangerously right into my ear before hitting my head hard to the ground. It feels as though a sledge hammer has been smashed onto the back of my head. I hold my throbbing head tightly in hopes that it'll soothe the pain down. But what I find as I touch the back of my head scares me more. I can feel sharp shards piercing through my head.

"I think I still haven't done enough to make you remember who you are and who you belong to, aye?"

He squats down in front of me and holds my chin up to make me look at him.

"I think my mark is still not clear enough to your dashing knight isn't it? My mark which marks you permanently as mine."

"Please... Just let me go..." I seethe.

"I wonder, why isn't it clear enough for him that you are mine. He can't and won't ever have you. He should've noticed that. You have already given me everything; your first kiss, your innocence- everything, Beatrice."

"I didn't give you anything you stole them!"

"It doesn't really matter does it? He still can't be your first."

"Just let me go, please."

"No, no. I think I have an excellent idea. Maybe... maybe if I do it just one more time, he'll back off would he?"

"Stop! Please! No!" I beg him.

Not again, not another time...

"But Beatrice, why should I throw away a chance as bright as this. No one, not a single soul is here to stop us Beatrice. Your dashing knight is far away at some park with his mama and papa and all the people who he holds dearly- they're probably having fun you know. Don't you want some fun to?"

I shake my head furiously and try to pull myself away. But his grips are already too strong. I can't fight back as he drags me away. I can't fight back as he pulls me into some old shabby shed. And I can't fight back as he throws me onto a bed or push him away when he lies down on top of me. My head is screaming in pain and he is too strong for me. His knees pins my legs down. And I know that the battle is over- and he has won.


	29. Chapter 28: Facing Him

**A/N: I promised an early chapter because you great amazing guys gave me 11 reviews for the previous chapter in less than 24 hours after it was published. But things got in the way and I couldn't get the computer. Honestly, I am not even supposed to be using it now. You can check my Deviant Art account and see that I haven't posted anything during the gap of time. (Though I had been on Tumblr since I use my phone for that). **

**But anyway, I hope this you guys like this chapter. For your info, this chapter contains exactly 2015 words! And do remember to review please ^^**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.<strong>

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><p>My head screams. It hurts... it throbs... I can't see anything. My head is killing me.<p>

Strong arms wrap around me and I struggle to pull myself away.

"Tris! You're safe now. You're safe now."

"Tobias?"

"Yes Tris, look at me."

I shake my head. I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to see the new marks Al must have left on me.

"Please Tris, look at me."

"Tobias." A very familiar voice whispers. "Wait for it. Don't force her. Her sight will come back."

"M-my sight?" I ask shocked. I try to look up and open my eyes to look at Matt and Tobias, but I can't- something is covering my eyes.

"Tris, your cornea were scratched, thus making you temporarily blind."

Blind?...

Tobias starts to let go of me, pulling away from me and I beg for him to not let me go.

I feel safe in his arms.

I always do...

"Tris..." His warm hands stroke my hair. His fingers combing through it softly, soothingly.

"Tris, please. You have to open your eyes and regain your sight."

I shake my head furiously. "I don't want to see what he's done to me Tobias." I cry quietly. I can't see what's he's done. I've seen enough.

"Tris. He did not get to do anything other than give you a head injury and some bruises... and some scratches in your cornea... I stopped him before he got too far."

"You what?"

"Stopped him. I knew that leaving you alone at home to help Al was not a good idea."

"Why?"

"You told me what's happened to you."

"You... believe me?"

"Tris. Of course I believe you. I told you that I will- I promised you that I will."

"But everyone sees him as a nice person and I have never-" A calloused finger tip presses on my lips. Then it brushes softly away.

"Tris. I believe you. And I saw what he did with my own eyes. In fact, everything makes sense. You are afraid of him, his favourite scent of sage and lemon grass, his smirk to you. I believe in you Tris."

"What... What happened to him."

"He have been arrested, now we need you to press charges against him."

"Tobias I really don't want to see him again. I can't press charges against him."

"But Tris he could-"

"NO!" I shut my ears tightly with the palms of my hands."I don't want to see him. He can, he is going to-"

"Tris..." Tobias gently, but firmly pulls my forearms down. "Tris, we need to do something. There is nothing for you to be afraid of once he's arrested by the police."

"But Tobias, what if they drop the case. Then Al would be free and he is going to make my days worse, Tobias I can't do this!" The pads on my eyes get wet as my tears flow out of my eyes. I pull my knees to my chest and hug them tightly. _I can't do this. Al would kill me._

"Tris..."

"I can't Tobias. I can't"

The last time I tried to get help...

I feel myself being wrapped in a warm embrace and immediately recognise the arms around me as Tobias's. "It's alright Tris... Just calm down. We'll find a way to get through this", he whispers. "Calm down Tris. Just breathe, okay?"

He pulls my head to rest against his chest, my right ear on top of where his heart is. Tobias's heartbeat booms into my mind and I soon find it soothing; like a lulling music...

"Tris?" Tobias asks, just as I find myself almost falling asleep.

"Yes?"

"When can you regain your sight?" Tobias asks.

I look up to where I guess is his face is and attempt to wipe my tears of my eyes, but find the cottonish, padding things covering them. "What... do you mean?" I manage to croak out.

"Who am I going to go stargazing with if you're blind Tris? Who is going to watch the night skies with me?"

His voice is sad- too sad. I've only seen him cry once because he rarely cries; show his weakness. But this time, I can hear the faint sobs in it. The longing. He wants me to see again. But I am the one who is so scared.

"You don't have to be afraid of the reality Tris. Al is no longer here. He will never be. You'll be safe once you press charges against him. I need you to watch the night skies with me... I miss looking into your grey-blue eyes. They are beautiful you know. They look like a turbulent evening sky. Filled with mysterious secrets making it look like a dangerous path to cross, but very, very alluring at the same time... just like you." _They are not beautiful Tobias. They are just normal eyes... _

I stay silent and stay close to Tobias as he holds me tight; my head resting on his chest, listening to the quiet thumps of his heartbeat, it keeps me alive. His heartbeat keeps me alive. Because knowing that it really is him who's with me, holding me, protecting me. I can't live without him. I would have been literally dead if he isn't with me.

And I was so scared of the fact that he won't believe my words. But he believes me. He believes in those words I have said. And all these while when I was so scared, I was scared for nothing.

He trusts me this much and he will trust me this much o matter what. And I shouldn't feel afraid to tell him everything which have happened to me.

"Tobias?"

"Yes Tris?" He asks me softly, pulling his lips away from my forehead to, presumably, take a good look of me. He'd usually look at me with concern right now. Those deep blue eyes would be on me. I miss his deep blue eyes...

"Remember when I told you about how my family died?"

"Yes Tris. I remember that very well."

"Well, I... I caused the fire."

He doesn't answer me. Doesn't reassure me. And the fact that I can't see how he is reacting to this terrifies me.

But his strong fingers combs through my hair soothingly and I know that he is urging me to go on.

"Mom and dad always told us to never dry our shoes in the heater. But then, that night, we were going to the park the next day and my shoes were soaked because of the rain. And then I was afraid that my shoes won't be dried yet by the next day. So I... I kind of sneak the shoes into the heater. And then, I got sick that night. I had an asthma attack. Then my dad brought me to a hospital and when we got home the house... The house..." I sob out a tear and try to continue, but the grief. It is too much. I just...

"Tris. It's okay Tris..."

"It is NOT okay Tobias! It's... It's... I k-killed them, Tobias. I killed them. _I_ caused the fire."

"Yes. Yes you did kill them. But you did not intend to-"

"I still did, Tobias! Why won't you hear me out? You said you'll believe me!"

"Tris." His voice deep and stern. "I said that I will believe you. And I believed in you when you told me that I did not purposely kill my mother."

"You had no choice Tobias. It is not like you can scream out, "let me die!" to your mum as she was giving birth to you. I had a choice. I did not have to disobey and ignore my parents' orders. I made that choice."

"Then what do you want me to say Tris? What do you want me to say?" _What do I want him to say? _"You want me to agree with you? And tell you that yes, you _are_a murderer?"

He waits for me to answer. But I do not. I cannot. I don't know what do I want. _Why do I want him to hate me? _

"Tris. Believe me, careless mistakes are done. But past mistakes are supposed to make us better, to remind us and to make us stronger. Think about it, a lot of things which happened in your life would not have happened if they were still alive."

I let out a short laugh. I am not thankful for most of them. "Like what Tobias? Like having your only surviving member of your family to marry of to some.. scumbag? Then leave me all alone with a Cinderella's step-mother? To live through the torturous years 24/7 under your stepmother's selfish conditions? To be bullied everyday by your younger step-sister? Like what should I be happy about that?"

"That is where you are wrong, Tris. You only see the bad things, remember the bad fates you've met with. How about me. I can be sure that you will never end up here in Chicago if your parents are still alive. And we would never have met Tris. I would give the world to not let that part not have happened. I love you Tris." "You.. what?!" _I can't have heard that right. _

"I... I... You know. You're my friend and like a part of our family and-"

It feels like a tub of icy cold water is splashed onto my face and it sends chills down all over me. A deep pain shoots through my heart and the pain is worse than the pain in my head... He does not loves me... He just loves me like a brother, or a friend- nothing more.

A creaking sound of probably the hospital room door being opened sounds through and I feel Tobias immediately pulling himself away.

"What's going on around here?" _Marcus..._

"Umm... Err... Nothing?" Tobias tries out.

With my vision impaired and the silence Marcus and Tobias loves to use to intimidate people out, my nerves wrecks my brain and my heart beat is in my head. What is happening?

"You... You, girl. I trusted you to not go and flirt with my son."

"Dad, it is not what you think."

"Then what is it, Tobias? Answer me, what is it?"

"She was hurt and scared. She was terrified. Who wouldn't be when they were almost raped and wake up to find out that they can't see the world? I was just trying to comfort her."

Then the silence, the heavy, angry, silence engulfs us once again.

"I'm letting the both of you go this time. But any signs of this again, and I'll make sure that you are taken out of Princeton and you are sent to rot in the streets." heavy footsteps walks further away from me…

"BAM!", the door slams shut.

Just two days ago, when Tobias and I are wrapped with silence, it is comforting. Now, it is awkward.

"I need to go and check up on Shauna." Tobias excuses himself from the room.. from me... His voice is cold- unusually cold.

Even though I know that he does not loves me, I still can't push away that feeling of comfort and safety when he is around me. So when he is leaving, I panic. I panic and I look for a reason to make him stay. Just something to make him stay.. talk to him? "Tobias, what happened to Shauna?" I ask him.

Hearing the answer to my question from Tobias however, makes me regret asking him in the first place. Because he answers with such a cold and sharp voice that it deepens the wound in my heart so much I can feel tears swelling up and moistening the padding on my eye. "It is none of your concern." Is his grim reply.

His footsteps moves further and further away from me. The doorknob twists and the door creaks open. Then it slams shut leaving me with a deafening silence- a very loud silence, and a deep, grieving silence around me.


	30. Chapter 29: Four Shades of Tobias

**IMPORTANT: I, in no way, am attempting to make a reference to 50SOG with the chapter's tittle. Try googling and you can find that similar tittles have existed years before 50SOG.**

**A/N: Early chapter! Yay! =D My days had been going well and it really helped me with my writing. This chapter came in smoothly and I daresay is one of my favourite chapters of Acacia. I really hope that you'll enjoy it as much as I do :)**

**To Deanna, thank you so, very much ^^ I'm glad that you really enjoy my fanfic. It is torturous actually, writing Tris and Tobias going on with their roller coaster-skinny love. I've actually made them kissed a few times because I'm like "Just confess your love already!" but then when I read it again, it just won't go with how I envisioned the story and I have to delete the scene. I can be sure that I won't be stopping anytime soon :)**

**Clearing out one mistake I made in the previous chapter, at the end of it, I wrote that Tobias said that he needed to check up on Shauna. It is actually Christina who he needed to check up on...**

**And without further ado... your 3k+ words of Fourtris fluffiness!**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.<strong>

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><p>Dr. Greene peels off the padding on my eyes and he instructs me to slowly open them and take some time to adjust to the bright lights. My eyelids shutter close automatically right when I open them. The light is too bright.<p>

Everything seems foggy and cloudy and I can only make out figures and silhouettes. Slowly, it adjusts a little by a little. I start to see the colours better, make out the fine lines of things. Then I see it- the deep and dark blue eyes. Those deep and dark blue eyes. My heart swells up with joy when I see them. I did not realise how much I missed them. And they are shining on me, twinkling, just like the night sky. Although his face still remains straight and placid and his lips shows no emotions, his eyes are happy and twinkling...

"Ahem."

Dr. Greene looks at us with a coy smile. Dr. Greene shows the whites of his teeth through his lips as he smiles in amusement- something is amusing to him...

I quickly look down to my hands and bite the insides of my cheeks.

"So anyway Teresa-" He freezes in his speech and his eyebrows knit together; any sign of the smile previously plastered on his face gone. His index finger rises up and points at my fingers. "Where... How did you get that?"

I look into my hand and notice that I am fidgeting with the pendant mom and dad gave to me. "My... mom and dad. Gave them to me. Why?" I ask back.

His eyes grow wide and his jaw drops. "Your... mom and dad?" His silence creeps me for a few moments before he regains his composure and his vertebra lines up straight again. "It's beautiful and.. uhh.. expensive. It looks very expensive." Dr. Greene fumbles through the pieces of papers in his folder. He checks on a few more things before announcing that I am ready to be checked out and later excusing himself out of the room.

My blue dress rides up above my knees as I pull my legs out of the tangles of my blanket. Purplish spots are littered all over my bare thighs and my calves. I try to pull the dress down to cover them, but it'll only go down to the middle of my calves.

"Tris..."

Tobias stands at the foot of my bed with his arms hooked to each other lightly across his chest.

"You said that he didn't leave any marks on me", I try to say without allowing any tear slip through my eyes.

"Tris... stop. You're..."

Tobias clears his throat and he keeps silent for a few moments. His slightly longish hair slightly dancing as he shakes his head furiously.

"Tris would you.. like me to bring you home?" He asks me. His voice softer somehow; but his face remains placid.

"Tobias you're avoiding..."

"Do you want me to? I'm going home at any rate."

I shut my eyes and try to hold in the anger bubbling in me.

"Tobias..."

"No really, it won't be a burden."

I silently shake my head in frustration.

"It's okay, I can just fetch a cab." I reply, lifting myself up from the bed and pausing momentarily while holding my head because the sudden jerk of movement gave my head a little spin.

"You know what? I've changed my mind." Tobias speaks out. "I am taking you home even if you object."

"But Tobias..."

I shriek as Tobias hoists me onto his shoulder and walks towards the door.

"Tobias! What are you doing!"

"You. Are. Coming. With me." Each of his words are said with such powerful determination that I am sure that he will put me to sleep to bring me home in his car if that is what it takes.

"Tobias! Let me down!"

"Nope. You're going to stubbornly cross your arms over your chest then glare at me with your piercing eyes until I decide to leave you alone."

"But I can't have people seeing me like this!"

He doesn't makes a move to let me down and in fact, swings the hospital room's door open.

"Fine. I'll come with you, just let me walk Tobias. I have legs."

He lets me down with a huff before pulling me into the corridor with a stone cold face.

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><p>Tobias leaves me in his jeep while he pays for the parking fees. I can't help staring at my reflection on the side mirror of his jeep. My eyes are normal, thank god. But a big purple spot colours my left cheek- the punch Al gave me... The top of my head is wrapped in a bandage- the wound I attained when Al threw me towards a vase and small pieces of it pierced through my head.<p>

The jeep shakes slightly when Tobias jumps in and slams his side of the door shut. He lets out a sudden, but soft chuckle and I look quizzically at him. A flash of brown reaches towards me and I jump back slightly. Then I watch him silently, out of fear and out of not knowing what else to do, as Tobias pulls the grey belt across my body and buckles up the seat belt for me. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out some dark blue knit work. He unfolds it and pulls it onto my head, pulling it down to my eyebrows before folding the ends of it up by an inch.

"Yay! Now you've got a single cuff beanie on your head!"

I eye Tobias suspiciously because of his sudden change of behaviour. From his jerkish, 'Four' attitude to this childish behaviour.

"What? It looks cute on you", he grins, the whites of his teeth showing out. "Plus, now there's no signs of injury at all." He beams at me.

"There's still this bruise Tobias." I say, pointing to the purple swell on my cheek.

He taps his chin as an indication that he is thinking about something before his eyes start to twinkle and he smiles mischievously at me. "This one," Tobias says, pointing at the bruise. "Will disappear with a kiss."

Then I feel it.

A firm, but soft kiss on my left cheek.

But it was only there so briefly and he is already back at the driver's seat, fitting the key into the ignition and firing up the car... _Was it just my mind playing tricks on me? _

I am both amazed and perplexed by Tobias's ability to switch his moods from one to another- to switch from one Tobias to another. Just a few minutes ago he had this stern and cold demeanour on him and he snapped at every word I asked; demanding me to just obey each and every order he gave- a very intimidating and not to be played with Tobias. Probably a mix of Tobias number three for his cold demeanour and Tobias number Four for his jerkish attitude. But right now, he is being the cheeky yet caring and very much of a jerk Tobias- a little bit of Tobias number four and a lot bit of Tobias number two. The very Tobias which annoys me because his teases would always make me feel flushed, flattered and blushing.

Why does he has such strong control over me? What is it in him which can always makes me feel so uncomfortably flattered that I wish I could run, but has this such alluring something in him which pulls me, intrigues me to come closer to him. Is it his warmth or is it his smell? Or is it his deep voice or might it be his dark, midnight blue eyes?

"SNAP!"

I turn to look at Tobias who has both his hands suspended in mid-air for a moment. "Just killed a mosquito", he informs while 'brushing off a mosquito' from his clapped hands.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Tobias asks out of the blue. When I shake my head as a reply, it seems to have only tempted him to know what I am thinking about even more.

_You... I am thinking about you... _

"Seriously, nothing Tobias", I tell him.

"Come on, Tris. What were you thinking about?" He pushes. He turns to look at me as the traffic light lights up red. He gives me a look which pulls my lips open to tell him, and hypnotised by his puppy eyes, my voice pops out the answer, "You."

I watch as his eyes light up and his smile widens, "What about me?"

"Nothing..."

"Come on, Tris. Please..." He tries to give me his puppy-eyed look again but I quickly turn away; afraid that my tongue will roll out the answer without my mind's consent yet again.

My breathing hitches and my heart skips a beat before running a thousand miles per hour as his warm hand, that warm hand which always, always comforts me, sends sharp electrified sparks into me as it touches, lands and stays firmly on my left knee. Then it gives a little push and a little squeeze, "Come on, Tris", his voice begs me.

"I-I was.. thinking about.." _How you are so alluring?_ ".. about..."

My lungs ceases taking in any oxygen all together though my heart starts pumping my blood so fast through my veins when his thumb slowly starts to massage a spot slightly below my knee cap which is making my leg shake uncontrollably. "About?"

His voice... That deep and alluring voice...

"About.." I gulp. Think of something Tris! "About... Tobias! The light's green." I point out to him. He gives me a smirk and throws me a wink before pulling his hand back and setting his gaze back on the road.

_That is not how brothers or friends act Tobias... _

The silence which I find us engulfed in is not at all comfortable for me. All I could do is make sure that my breathing is steady and set my gaze fixed on the road straight ahead of me as I can feel Tobias's eyes intensely staring at me. He is really making me squirm and try to sink deeper into this chair, as if I can fit through the little space between the seat and the back of the chair if I push hard enough.

"So. Since you most probably did not hear anything which I said just now, I guess I have to tell you this again. Christina had a gastric last night- well she's been having a gastric for quite a while because she had not been eating properly. Which was why I had to check on her last night."

I watch out of the window as the roads and the buildings start to get familiar. We are almost home.

"I wonder what is it exactly is she ticked of by." I comment to Tobias. "It seems like she is under some depressed state."

Tobias nods in agreement as he drives into the black gate of the Eaton's house, but he does not stops at the front door for me to exit the jeep like usual. He drives straight into the garage far at the back of the house, beside the brick wall of the garden.

He presses some green button on a remote control and the door of the garage roars open. He parks the car so close to the wall that when he turns the engine off, I stare at the door and wonder how in the world am I going to be able to open this door and squeeze myself out of the jeep.

I look incredulously at Tobias who is giving me an expectant glance in return. "Umm... Tobias? I can't really get down..."

"_That _is my intention."

"What?!"

"Yup." He nods. "You are not leaving until you tell me what you were thinking about."

_Is he serious?!_

"You're kidding me... _right_?"

"Well, I really want to know what is it about me which got you thinking so much until you did not hear me talking to you and calling for you until I 'killed a mosquito'."

I flush in embarrassment. _Was I that deep in thought?_

"So tell me." Tobias crosses his arms across his chest and gives me the expectant look again.

"I was just... Tobias, please can't you just drop it?" I plead.

My hope for mercy shrunk as Tobias shakes his head defiantly. "Tell me", he insists.

I bite the insides of my cheeks and sink back into the chair.

"Alright. If you really do not want to tell me then, I'll drop the question." I can feel my whole body relax as he says it. "But, let's play a game. Twenty questions. Come on, you can start."

Tobias shifts in his leather seat so that his whole body is facing me.

"Umm..." _What should I ask him? Of course, that one question he never wanted to answer... _"Was it you who gave me the flowers?"

A smile appeared on Tobias lips. "Maybe." He shrugs with a knowing smile.

"You did! I knew it! What were they for?"

He smirks. "It's _my _turn Tris. What were you thinking about?"

My jaw drops. "Tobias!... You said you'll drop it!"

He just gives me his shrug and that annoying smug smile.

"Aargh. Fine... I was just... I was just..." I bite my lower lip and take in a deep breath. "I.. was just thinking about..." _Come on, just say it..._ "About..." My speeches are somehow stuck and I try to motion my hands in the air in a crazy attempt to get him to understand.

"About?" Tobias pushes.

"About how you can be soo..."

"So?"

"Soo... alluring."

I immediately look away once I say those words out, "Well, whatever. It's my turn. Why did you give me the flowers?"

"I'll rephrase that question and then I'll answer it." Tobias clears his throat. The shining twinkles in his eyes are merrily dancing. He really is having a good time. "Tobias, what did the flowers mean?" He says in a squeaky voice, trying to imitate mine but sounding ridiculously different.

"Tobias! I sound nothing like that!" I laugh and give him a slight shove.

"Answering your question, turn to page 64 of this book." He says as he hands me 'The Secret Love Letter'. I eye him suspiciously before taking the book and flipping the pages to the desired page.

Beata searches for the word 'acacia' in the index of the flower dictionary which mysteriously ended up in her locker.

Acacia: pg 10.

She flips the book to page 10 and finds a picture of a yellow acacia. Below it is a short description of the flower:

Name: Acacia

Color: Shades of yellow from pale to gold but they can also be found in a beautiful cream or even red or purple color.

Fact: It is the largest genus of vascular plants, this is also known as Wattles in Australia. The name comes from the Greek word, akis that means barb or point.

What the Acacia Means:  
><span>With regard to the positive symbolisms attached to the acacia blossoms, these are concealed secret love. Usually when a boy gives a girl the flower acacia, it means that the boy is secretly in love with her.

My heart stops pumping and my lungs skip a beat. I look up from the book to look at Tobias. "You-"

"My turn." Tobias interrupts. "Do you like me?"

I stare at his face in utter shock. His face is serious and there are no signs of humour in his voice.

"Umm..." _But he said he does not love me that way. He loves me just like a friend..._

"Well I-"

A few taps on Tobias's side of the door stops me and we look through the window. Zeke stands outside the car with one hand on the window and the other leaning on the door.

Tobias rolls down his window and asks him "what?" a little too harshly.

"What's got into you man? I didn't do anything." Zeke asks in his slightly Indianish accent. "Your father told me to come down here because he needs some help. I would much rather stay back in the house with him. We're watching our Bears going against the Cowboys."

"What?!" The question slipped out of my mouth.

"Oh hey Tris! Bear's our state's football team. The Chicago Bears. The Cowboys from Dallas. I didn't see you in there just now. No wonder Tobias's spending so much time in the truck. What tchu guys doing? Smooching?.." His eyebrows wiggle suggestively.

I blush in embarrassment while Tobias smacks Zeke upside his head. "JK dude. Don't fret it", Zeke laughs out loud and pats Tobias on the shoulder. He sobers up quick and looks at me with his head cocked slightly to one side. "Isn't that Tobias's beanie you're wearing, Tris?" Zeke asks.

"Umm..."

"Yeah. Got a problem with it?" Tobias snaps again.

"Geez, take it easy", Zeke replies as he turns around to walk out of the garage, then calls out, "I was just asking since you never ever let anyone touch it, let alone wear it."

I raise my eyebrows at Tobias in a questioning look, but he just shrugs. We continue to stare at each other, each waiting for the other to break the silence. And we stay that way until I start, "Umm... I think you better go help Marcus." I tell Tobias, not meeting his eyes. "You do not want Christina's health condition to get worse..."

He sighs in defeat and jumps down from his jeep. I crawl my way to Tobias's door and brush his arms away, but he firmly holds my waist and helps me down. I can hear the hard slam of Tobias's jeep as Tobias slams it shut and the faint sound of the low rumbling coming from the garage door as it reels close aa I run away from him as fast as I can.

Getting into my room, I lock the door and run for my bed.

I really, really want to tell Tobias that I like him, probably love him. But he is so confusing to understand; one moment he says that he only loves me as a friend or a brother, and the next moment he is secretly in love with me. Or maybe, he is secretly in love with me in the brotherly way? And then, he gives me his beanie which he supposedly never lets anyone touch, let alone wear.

I scratch my head violently and scream into the nearest pillow I can reach. _God, he can be so confusingly, perplexingly, irritatingly, frustraing sometimes!_


	31. Chapter 30: Pressing Charges

**A/N: I'm sorry for missing last week. I was... caught up with other things.**

**Anyway, check out my brief bio on my Camp NaNoWriMo camp info page! Dedicated to all the lovely people I've met on this site who've been helping me reach where I am now =) **** /campers/lynda-loyde**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.<strong>

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><p><em>Knock, knock, knock<em>_... _"Tris?" _Knock, knock, knock__... _"Tris"

I rub my eyes and yawn.

"Tris?"

_Is that Shauna? _

I pull myself up from my bed and drag my legs to the door. _What is she doing at this hour? _

I swing my bedroom door open and peek out. There she is, standing in a flowery blouse and loose jeans.

"Hey. I'm sorry if I am disturbing you, but can we talk?"

"Umm... sure I guess." I open the door slightly and let her in.

"May I?" Shauna asks, pointing at my bed.

"Please, have a seat." I reply to her. "So why are you here?" I ask Shauna.

"Well, I am staying here for the night. Marcus said something about helping Christina to cheer up." She pauses to take a glance of the room. "Oh, and I came over with Matt and my dad because we are supposed to meet some friends of his from Hammond. I haven't met them yet though... We're going to have dinner together in like ten minutes or so." She nods absentmindedly.

"Wait. It's past lunch time?!" I ask her in surprise. Glancing at the digital clock on my bedside table; 17:48.

Oh no.

Johanna must be so angry at me for sleeping past lunch time!

"Don't worry Tris. Johanna _did _want to wake you up, but Matt told us that if you were resting, then it is best to leave you be. He said that you might get easily exhausted considering the damage in your brain."

"Oh..."

"Yeah. And Tobias made sure that no one would come up and disturb your sleep by cooking lunch and dinner by himself."

"Oh?"

"Yeah! He's very infatuated by you."

I try to pretend that I didn't just heard what she said and am very thankful for who ever it is who is currently knocking at my door.

"Come in", I welcome the intruder. The door swings open and I find myself captured in the glorious blue eyes and handsome face.

"Umm... I'm sorry if I am interrupting something, but there are some police officers who insists on seeing you, Tris."

Two men in dark suits looms over my doorway. They come nearer and nearer; they must be here to hurt me... Just like last time...

"Tris, stop. You are getting yourself another asthma attack. Please Tris, these are just police officers and they only mean to help you."

I hold tight to Tobias's sturdy torso as I hide my face in his chest. Tobias tries to pry my arms away, but I stay firm. I do not want to let go.

"Tris, I won't go anywhere okay? I promise."

I don't know why, but I cry. Maybe out of fear, maybe out of anxiety; but I just do. And I cling on tightly to Tobias. I don't want to let him go.

He starts to take a few steps back. Then he starts to pull away.

"Tobias please stay." I choke out between my sobs.

"Tris, I am not going anywhere. Come, sit." I feel Tobias pushing me down onto my bed. I land on the bed and nestle myself against his side.

One of the police men approaches and squats down a foot away from Tobias and I. "Hey, Teresa. I'm Officer Evans."

"Teresa, we would just like to ask you for some details about the incident with Mr. Peters, alright?"

The officer looks at me expectantly and waits for me to answer him.

_Everything will come crashing down if you cooperate; just like last time... _

I feel Tobias leaning down to my ear, his hot breath trailing down my veins as he whispers, "Come on Tris. I promise that it won't hurt you."

Looking up to Tobias, I see sincerity in his eyes. Sincerity and reassurance. _He isn't like Robert. He didn't leave me when he knew that I killed my family. Neither is he like Al who takes advantages on me... _

I slowly nod my head and Tobias beams at me and places a soft kiss on my forehead; and right at this moment, everything starts to feel alright.

I nestle myself deeper into Tobias's warm embrace as I start to recall the incident. "Al told Mrs. Eaton that he needed me to help him with some things and so I went there- at the garden." My voice comes out as a soft whisper which causes the officer to kneel down closer to me so that he can listen to my story better. "And then he... he told me that he was angry... And I was scared because he was so angry."

"Why was Mr. Peters angry?" the officer asks, pulling out a notebook and a pen from his back pocket.

"Because... Because I told Tobias that Al is the guy who.. assaulted me."

The officer nods his head and urges me to carry on. "Then when I wanted to run, there was this... friend of his. He stopped me and punched me and Al also hit me and I..." I swallow the lump in my throat and try to hold in the tears prickling my eyes. This is hard... "I..."

I jump back when I feel a hand land on my knee and bring my legs up to my chest. The officer looks apologetically at me and bring his hand back down. "It's okay Teresa. That is enough information for that incident. But we wish to know more about the time when he raped you and how you know him."

_No... I can't tell him. Al would be furious. Then he'll.. he'll... _

"We will need some details so that we can arrest him." The officer pleads.

"Tris, you'll be safe once they have arrest Al and all they need is your cooperation." Tobias's deep voice whispers to me once more.

_I can be safe... The police are stronger than Al. They can take Al down. And they will believe me... _

I close my eyes and focus on the warm hand on my waist, the calloused thumb circling softly. _I can do this... _

"He was... I was... I was ten. Dad got married to some lady after my mother, brother and sister died in a fire."

"When did the fire happen?" The officer asks.

"When I was six." I reply to him. The officer nods and cues me to continue. "Dad married the lady because she was raped and she got pregnant. So dad kind of wanted to help her and give her emotional support and save her image an things like that. I didn't like that lady and I told dad, but dad told me to try to give her a chance. He said that he knows that she will never be able to replace mom for me. He said that she won't even be able to replace mom in his heart. But he needed to do it for old friend's sake.

Things were fine for a few weeks even though my step-mother was never good to me even after those few weeks. However, one day, the forensic team who investigated the house fire came to our house and they told us that I was the one who caused the fire because I placed my shoes in the heater.

Since then, my dad started to neglect me and my step-mother mocked me and dad just allowed her to... And I couldn't stand it anymore so I ran away. And I ended up getting lost and I didn't know what to do. I acted on impulse and I didn't think where should I go to. That is when Albert found me. And he took me to his place. And at first, he helped me out. He comforted me and I thought that he was a nice guy. But then, later on he... he... started to do things... terrible things, but he never got through it until the end." I sniff a deep breath in and bite my lips to stop it from trembling. "But then, it was one day when he was... dad found me. And I... he... Al was forcing himself on me and... that was when dad, he... saved me, but he..." _It was all my own stupid fault..._ "He died..." _I made myself a victim, I caused my dad's death. _

"Miss Brasen, how are you sure that the Mr. peters you met then and the Mr. Peters who sexually assaulted you a couple of weeks ago and tried to do the same a few days ago are the same man?" I look up to the other police officer who is still standing by my doorway.

"He remembers me", I reply to him. "He was the one who approached me and asked me if I remember him on my second day here. And I remember his smell."

"Smell?" Officer Evans queries.

"Yes, smell. He uses some smelling oil which smells of sage and lemon grass."

"Sage and lemon grass?!" Peeps out Shauna's quiet voice in a rather loud burst. Everyone turn their heads to look at her wide eyes and dropped jaw face.

"Yes. Sage and lemon grass." Tobias assures her. "I know that he loves it."

"He... I think..." Shauna drops to her knees. She brings up her hand to cover her agape mouth.

"Shauna? What's wrong?" Tobias asks her.

Shauna looks up to Tobias, then to me, then to Officer Black. "I think..." Shauna gulps. "I think... Mr. Albert Peters is the same guy who... assaulted me."

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><p><strong>Trivia: Do you know that there's only like 4 chapters plus an epilogue left?<strong>


	32. Chapter 31: Trying To Forget You

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent. **

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><p>We silently nod our heads a thank you and a farewell as the police officers take their leave. Shauna stands beside me slightly shaken, but she mostly looks relieved. A storm on her cloudy green eyes have calmed. "You're okay Shauna?" I ask her, placing a hand on her shoulder as a comforting gesture.<p>

Shauna looks up at me and takes a deep breathe in. "Yeah. I'm good. It feels good to know that he's taken to custody. I guess now I have to prepare myself to go to the court." She shrugs.

This part of Shauna, I respect greatly. Strong, brave, dauntless... She volunteered to take my place and be the one to press charges on Al. Deciding that I do not care whatever happens to him, as long as he is locked up somewhere far away from me, I allow her to jump the chance.

"Dinner's-"

We turn to look at Zeke who suddenly freezes in his speech. I follow his glance and realise that he is staring straight into Shauna's eyes who is returning the stare.

"Lynn?" He asks her. Shauna flushes her cheeks and looks down. But when she looks up, her face has changed. It has a colder look and her answer rolled off awkwardly rude coming from her sweet voice. "Yeah." She shortly snorts at him.

Zeke's face beams a slight red colour and fire slowly grows in his eyes. He seems angry, for some reasons I can't tell. _I've never seen him angry. _

"Well, dinner is ready. You guys might consider coming down." He announces as he turns and takes his leave. I stand up to exit my room, but realise that I am still tightly wrapped by Tobias's left arm; and he is glaring angrily at Shauna with his jaws clenched tightly.

Fear grew in Shauna's eyes and she quickly runs out. I myself find it hard to not cower under Tobias's glare, but when he turns to look at me, his eyes soften. "I'm sorry, it is just that I got really angry at Shauna. That's what I meant when I said that she has this incredibly rude side", he apologises to me and loosen his death grip on my waist.

"She always acts like a bitch towards Zeke, not giving him a chance to be nice to her even once."

I bite my lower lip as I could finally map everything out in place. _So the guy Shauna fell for but tries to avoid is Zeke..._

When I look back at Tobias, I find myself facing a pair of laughing blue eyes and an amused smile.

"What?" I question.

Tobias just shakes his head and keeps his mouth shut.

"Come on Tobias, tell me..."

He shakes his head stubbornly.

"Please..." I attempt to give him a puppy-eyed look, but I guess puppy-eyes are only effective in cartoons. He firmly shakes his head and spots a toothy grin. I punch his shoulder lightly in frustration though I can't fight off the smile on my face.

I walk ahead of Tobias and straight into the kitchen. However, Marcus halts me. "Tris, join our dinner with us today. It is very selfish for me to leave you starving especially when you are sick."

I hate it when people say out it is very selfish for me to something when they are trying to do a good deed because it makes them seem as if they are not doing it with their heart but are instead, trying to get people to say that they are being very nice and selfless. Anyhow, I nod my head and walk alongside Marcus to the dining area.

I pull out a chair for myself at the ten seater dining table with Tobias on my right side and Shauna on my left. Marcus takes his seat as the head of the table with Johanna beside her. I eye the food served on the table and fidget with my fingers nervously; I don't know how to start... _Should I just dig in, or should I wait for everyone to start first? Should I start with the spaghetti like how David is doing, or the entrée like Marcus? _

"Here, try some of these." Tobias suggests as he scoops some spaghetti into my plate. "I cooked it myself", he smiles. I whisper him a thanks which I am sure he could have only barely hear it. However, the smile stretched on his face as he looks back at me obviously signifies that he hears it. I smile back at him before taking a mouthful of the spaghetti. The first thing I notice is the super creamy texture. It is almost like cheese, but milder in smell and heavier in creaminess. I spoon in another mouthful into my mouth; the spaghetti is well-seasoned. With the juiciness of the chicken stock and that fiery burn of black pepper in your throat as you swallow the spaghettis... This is so good.

I contemplate on whether or not to ask Tobias what is the name of this recipe- in hopes that I can look for the recipe in the library the next time we hit that place. Deciding that I should, I turn my head to look up at him, only to find him giving me an expected look. "So how does it taste like? Good?" He asks with his eyebrows raised.

I try to look for the right words to explain how delicious I find the spaghetti dish to be.

"Does it taste good?..." He asks again. The face Tobias is wearing is testing me to not laugh. He is looking at me with such big, round and scared eyes; very much afraid of what I am about to say about the spaghetti. I can't help to not tease him and make it seems as if I am hesitating to comment about it, "It... is good... But..."

I try to keep up with the facade but when his face falls and that 'third Tobias' threatens to overrule him, I just have to stop. "Hey, Tobias... I was just joking."

"No. You don't have to lie to me just to make me feel good."

I cringe at the harshness of his words. _Why can't I remember Johanna's words- Tobias is easily offended. _

"No, Tobias, really." I try to make him look at me but he brushes my hands away. "Tobias, really. It is just that you seemed so scared and I thought that it was fun teasing you."

"Tobias I..." He looks down and his body starts to tremble. _I really should not have done that._

"Tobias..." I pull his face up to look at me and he is... laughing?!

"Fooled you!" Tobias cheers in excitement.

I gawk at him in disbelieve as he starts to laugh out loud at me. "Tobias, how could you!"

He true to give me a toothy, victorious grin, but he just can't stop his hearty laugh and I can't help but laugh along with him. Maybe it is because of how carefree he looks like, or because of the way the ends of his grin spans from ear to ear, whatever is the reason, his laugh is just too contagious.

"Ahem."

The two of us abruptly stop and look at Marcus who is glaring at us, cuing us to stop. We apologetically bow our heads and quietly resume eating.

Surveying around the table, I realise that most of us aren't feeling comfortable. Shauna and Zeke who are sitting on the opposite side of each other are trying to not look up; just in case they meet each other's eyes. Christina is still being her solemn self; poking her food with her fork. Dr. Greene is not bothering on what is happening as his eyes are set on his phone- which sometimes manage to capture Christina's curious, nosey attention. Hana is repeatedly shifting in her seat as David is seating uncomfortably close on her right side and Marcus and Johanna are trying to get the Greenes and the Pedrads to talk with each other by asking their opinions on some interesting political debates. Sometimes, I cannot understand why is it that Marcus finds this dinner thing a good idea and a good way to get together- it seems to make us all uncomfortable around each other.

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><p>As the awkward dinner ends, Marcus suggests to Christina that she brings Shauna up to her room and spend some time together. Johanna leaves for the living room with Hana while David leaves with Marcus leaving Matt, Zeke and Tobias to finally relax and laugh out loud at each other's jokes and hilarious 'life moments'. Seeing that everyone have finished their meal, I decide to stack up the plates together and carry them to the sink. As I am about to pick up Tobias's plate, he places his warm, electrifying hand on my cold one and softly pushes it aside. "I'll help you", he says.<p>

Tobias however, not only picks up his plate, but attempt to pull the stack in my hands to; the tips of his fingers lightly grazing mine causing my cheeks to slightly heat up.

"No, it's okay. I can handle th-" Soft, plump lips lands softly on my cheeks, cold from the iced-wine he had just drank.

"You go and rest, Join Shauna and Christina or something. Chris's mood is not so bad today; might be a good time to clear the air between you guys", I helplessly watch as he pulls the stack of plates from my hands, finding myself paralysed because of his lips and his intoxicating smell so overwhelming me.

A wolf-whistle breaks me out of the spell Tobias hold me under. I glare at Zeke through my red cheeks.

"Zeke, shut it." Tobias spits in annoyance. "Get your lazy ass up and bring those plates to the kitchen."

Matt rises up from his seat. "I'll help you. Teresa does needs her rest", he says. Then with a chuckle adds, "Especially if she decides too spend her night being under Tobias's-"

"CRACK!"

"Shit! Man, I think you broke my nose", Matt says cradling his nose and taking a step back from Tobias whose face is still red from anger and hand still held in a tight fist. "Well keep your mouth shut and stop teasing her will you?" Tobias growls to his two dickhead friends and shoves me out of the kitchen.

I scurry to the stairs and hurry up, not wanting to hear whatever else Zeke and Matt might have in store and actually, quite scared of Tobias since it is obvious that the Tobias number three side of him is starting to take control over his body.

But the last few words I heard almost killed me...

"Tobias, you're leaving for Princeton next week right?"

_Oh yes... He is returning to Princeton University for summer camp and would be staying there until his courses resumes... _

Giggles rings to my ears as I approach Christina's room. Reaching the dark brown wooden door, I bring my hand up to knock on the door, only to decide against it. _Seriously, what was I thinking? I am just a maid. It is not in my place to interfere Christina's and Shauna's girls' night. _

I let my hand fall and turn to my room instead. Grabbing 'The Secret Love Letter' from my nightstand, while tripping over the long tube of the vacuum cleaner due to the lack amount of lighting in my room, and pull the sliding doors to the balcony open.

The hot, harsh summer wind blows in my face as I step forward onto the balcony, a harsh reminder of how fast time flies by- a harsh reminder of how close the moment when Tobias would have to return to his university is.

Then... I'll be alone.

For months...

How would it be without him? All alone on this balcony... Living without his quirky, witty remarks which somehow... I myself can't explain how but it makes him all the more irresistible. I never realised how much I've grown to depend on him...

_I've lived for 17 years without him. Why do I suddenly need him all the time? _

I can't keep on living this way... I have to learn to live without him. And I know that he will be here and invite me up to go up to the observatory once Zeke and Matt leaves.

I run back into my room, drop the book on my nightstand and sneak to the other place where I can find peace but still be away from him. I hide behind my door and wait for Tobias, Zeke and Matt to finish cleaning the plates and come up to Tobias's room.

My heart explodes into a rapid pace and my teeth automatically bites my lower lip when I hear a certain deep laughter echo through the hallway. I can't fight the urge to steal a glance and see Tobias laughing as Zeke tells a joke. Matt scratches his forehead as he fails to understand Zeke's joke and the two of them bursts into another fit of laughter. I find myself smiling. There is something about the way he laughs, those dimples on his cheeks, the way his voice erupts from deep within his chest... it makes his laugh so contagious...

_There you go Tris. You're thinking about him all over again. _

I run down the steps and hurry to the kitchen. I find the keys in the drawers and unlock the back door then step into the garden. I've never been here during the night before. I was terrified of what Al might do to me... and maybe I was too engrossed with the stars... and Tobias.

I realise however, despite being not as high up as where I'd be on the observatory, the stars are still a beauty from here. And the fact that it is only illuminated by the moonlight enhances the enchanting beauty of the garden. I step through a pathway where a fragrant smell fills the air.

Roses... It smells like like roses.

I keep on walking until I come across a pond, a beautiful pond with its surface glittering as the moonlight kisses the water. It amazes me; how the garden seems to grow larger and larger and much, much enchanting everytime I come here.

I find a tall willow tree and sit down amongst the draping leaves where I can hide myself from the disturbing outside world. I pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes.

_I can do this... I can learn to live without him..._


	33. Chapter 32: Avoiding Pain and Heartbreak

**A/N: There's a review which I can't reply privately to since she/he was a guest reviewer who asked me about the dream vs reality of my story. Well yes, it is probably very, very confusing but that is actually the way how I planned it to be. Since they are all in Tris's point of view and she is really trying hard to seperate between her dreams and the reality she's living in so... yeah. But to help you clarify things out. Usually, the moments when she suddenly ends up someplace else or the attacker suddenly disappears, those are mostly dreams. For the part which you're talking about ("**oh, and how does she end up in her bed afterwards**") which part exactly is that? Because I'd like t clarify it for you but am not sure which part exactly are you referring to. Anyways, thanks for voicing out your opinion. I always love open discussions and constructive criticism. In-constructive criticism and full-out hating would probably make me laugh.**

**So now, about this chapter, I know that this chapter is very, very short, but I... *snickers* it's good to end it the way it is. And bear one thing in your mind, I would never ever kill Fourtris. But... while you read this chapter... *evil laughters***

**I'm feeling so evil :)**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.<strong>

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><p><em>I can do this... I can learn to live without him...<em>

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><p>My head shoots up, my senses hitch and the hair on my skin stands up as I hear the crunch of leaves behind me. The crunch- footsteps. I am sure that they are footsteps, amplifies and amplifies as the someone comes closer and closer to where I am. I try to hold in my breath and not allow myself to move an inch and stay as hidden as possible amongst the leaves of the willow tree. Then the crunching stops all together.<p>

"Hey."

"Aah!"

"Shh!"

My scream turns muffled as a large hand clamps over my mouth. I try to struggle out of his grip, but he pulls me in close. And then, I automatically know who it is from the sweet and strong musky scent of Tobias Eaton.

"You found your way to the sacred pond?" He chuckles lightly... painfully.

"Sacred?" I try to laugh at the joke.

"Yeah... Not many have found their way here. I love it. It's... one of my favourite places to be before I got to pull you up to that observatory tower. This pond gets frozen every winter and... don't judge, but I've always wish to ice dance on it."

"Why haven't you?" I ask.

He chuckles again, still with the tiny break in his voice. "Well I have. I just... I've always wanted to do it with someone. You know, a partner... a someone important in my life... a lover..."

He suddenly engulfs me in a tight hug and I find myself dumbfounded.

"I was so worried. I couldn't find you anywhere and it is pretty late", he whispers into my hair.

Right now, right at this moment, I can very much understand why is it so hard for me to forget about him.

He lets me go and grabs my face, each hand caressing each sides of my cheeks. I stare bewilderedly at him as he looks at me intently.

"God I was so worried. I thought something happened to you", he whispers. He leans in and I sigh in contempt as he presses his warm lips to my forehead, but pulls away too soon.

"Tobias, I'm fine. I just..." _was trying to forget about you..._ "needed some fresh air to clear my head a little."

"You could have stayed in the balcony, Tris. What should if anything worse happened to you?"

"Tobias I was..."

I can't look at him. I _was_ running away from him...

"Tris..."

I look at him as he pulls my chin up. His left hand reaches for my face and brushes my hair out of my face, tucking it behind my right ear. I wait for him to say something as he opens his mouth and searches for something in my eyes.

I couldn't stand it when people stare at me. It feels like someone is digging and wrecking my brain. Probably how legilimency in Harry Potter feels like...

I'd usually have looked away by now, but somehow I don't. Instead, I feel pulled. There is something about the way his irides glimmers and shine as the moonlight reflects on his deep blue eyes. Then those pupils, they are as dark as the deepest depth of the deep blue ocean.

I've never seen it this way. All this while, his eyes were like the midnight blue sky; and being with him would bring you to wonderful new places where you can only imagine to be. His eyes- to me, his eyes were always shinning, twinkling. He always seems so happy to me.

It is only now that I realise that his eyes seem to hold in grave secrets and are masking grieve sorrow. And all these while, I've only been seeing the moonlight kissed surface which glows radiantly- unlike the dark secrets lying within. He have seen a lot in his life... Experienced great pain and sorrow.

And just like the deep blue ocean, the surface, it entices you to swim inside its depth. Then when you have swum in too deep and are trapped in its beauty, you'll be stuck there forever.

I guess that is what I am afraid of. For every minute I spend with him I am pulled in deeper and deeper inside his unknown waters. I am afraid that if I stay any longer, I would never be able to come out- and I don't want that to happen.

I don't want to get too attached to him then break when he leaves me. And I know that he will leave me for there is no way the two of us can stay together. Our worlds are much too different from each other's.

But somehow, when his face inches closer to mine, I don't pull back. I feel hypnotised by those enchanting blue eyes. His face travels closer until I am sure that we have to be sharing the same breath- that is if I am even breathing right now...

I freeze when I feel his calloused lips on mine. And I may, almost, maybe already did, lean into him. But when he presses his lips firmer, I snap out of it and pull back.

_No. This is crap and stupid. I shouldn't be doing this. He's better off with someone else Tris! _

I stand and up and try to run away, but Tobias grabs my hand.

"Tris, I-"

I don't give him a chance to explain...

I run.

I am afraid if I listen to his explanation, if I look any longer into those deep blue eyes, I might actually kiss him back.

_He kissed you! He kissed you Tris! He loves you!_

I struggle with those insane voices in my head as I look for my way back to the house.

_But Tris! Are you dumb? He totally loves you! The flowers, the way he acts around you, the kiss... For god's sake Tris! _

"It's not about damn love!" I scream in agony as I slam my door shut.

I can't fight back the salty tears streaming down my face. I collapse down to the ground and let my emotions run through.

It's not about love... It's about what's right and what's wrong. What's safe and what's suicidal. Avoiding pain, avoiding heartbreak. That is what I am doing. And it is for the good of all of us.


	34. Chapter 33: David's Confession

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.**

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><p>I faintly hear someone calling for me, shaking me awake. I peel my eyes and stare at the brunette girl in front of me.<p>

"God, Tris! What happened to you?"

Only now do I recognise the fact that Shauna is in front of me. She pulls me up and helps me to my bed.

_Did I sleep on the floor last night? _

Humourless laughter fills the air.

"Tris?" Shauna asks worriedly.

_Was I the one laughing? _

"Tris? Are you fine?"

Fine?

I feel weird... Empty... so empty.

Where's Tobias?

_Why do you want Tobias, stupid. You're avoiding him... _

But I need him.

"Tris, we need to talk to you about something."

I turn to look at my right and find Matt standing at the foot of my bed; along with a tall guy... David Greene, father of Matt and Shauna and the person who I supposedly work for?

_I don't like this guy. _

"Tris, we... you..." Matt tries to speak.

"I am sorry for all that I've done." David beats Matt to it.

"What... do you mean?" I ask him incredulously.

"I... I was the cause of your parents' death." I stare blankly at him.

"What?!..."

"It wasn't because of your shoes in the heater. _I_set the house ablaze."

"You... you what?!"

The cruel man takes a step towards me to which I automatically flinch back. "Stay away from me!" I warn him.

"Tris, please let him explain."

"No!" I scream to Shauna. To the daughter of this vicious man. This vicious man who is the cause of my whole life to turn into a living hell.

"You. You killed the only family I had." I point to that man- that devil. "You killed all of them in a blink of an eye. How could you?"

"Tris-" David pleads asks he approaches places a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" I spit and glare at him, shrugging the filthy hand off of me. The filthy hand which killed my family.

"Tris please..."

"I said DON'T!"

I scream as I feel myself being pulled to my left. I spin my head to find Tobias pulling me to him.

"She said stay away. So you stay away." Tobias warns David.

"Tobias, I told you we need to-"

"And I told you that if you hurt her, I _will_interrupt."

"I did not hurt her Tobias!" David screams in agony. "Never did and never would.

I scoff at him. "You never would?" I question.

"What you did to me hurt me more than anything else ever could. You killed my sister, brother and my mother. My father resented me because of you. I ended up with Jeanine because of you! If it wasn't for you, I won't even have had to end up in that dark alley with Al if all this did not happened! All BECAUSE OF YOU!

And now I'm a dirty, filthy, impure thing who have nothing left. My dignity, my virginity all of it were stolen from me."

I hug my knees and shake my head, biting my trembling lips and fighting of the tears which are threatening to spill.

"Beatrice, please I-"

I shake my head and hold my knees tighter to my chest. "Just go." I say, rocking my body back and forth softly, trying to get a hold of the turbulence inside me.

The man- the devil stays put with his hands reaching for me and a sorry face.

A freaking sorry face!

Didn't he think before killing all of the people that I have ever loved?

"Beatrice, please I..." His face is making me sick. His jaw is asking for a bruise. He is standing close enough for me to swing at it.

_Refrain yourself, Tris... You might end up with a black eye from him... _

"Beatrice, really, I didn't mean to kill them, I just-"

I see red.

Didn't mean to?

Heck the black eye.

I swing my fist back and lunge at him, ending up falling back, finding myself being refrained by Tobias.

"Tris please, stop." Tobias whispers. "Come", he urges, pulling me back to him. I fall into his chest and vent out my restricted turbulence. _He killed everyone I had. How could a man be this cruel? _

"Beatrice, I-"

"Are you a darn idiot?" Tobias spits.

He continues snarling about something. I couldn't care less about anything which has anything to do with him.

I feel myself turning into a wrecked mess. And even when I cry, and the tears run dry I don't feel any better- maybe I even feel worse.

It still feels empty. Or maybe emptier...

It keeps on coming back to me, the fact that I brought myself into the whole mess of Al and my father's death. I should have stayed back with my father and Jeanine- anything else would have been better than being the cause of my father's death.

A sniffle and a sob threatens to slip out of me. Tobias tries to wipe the tears on my cheeks- but I pull away.

"Tobias I'm a mess, why are you still with me?"

"Tris, you're not and you never were."

"I'm screwed up Tobias." I protest. "I led myself to crap and hell and all of them because I overreacted on that stupid man." I shake my head. "I could have avoided a lot of it. I didn't have to run away from home. I would have been able to save my dad."

He sighs and brings his right hand to push my hair away from my face, his thumbs wiping away the dried tears from my cheeks.

"We're all screwed up, Tris." He whispers, eyes boring into mine. "That's what happens. It's what you decided to do with the screw up which defines how strong you are. A strong person would pick up lessons from it, grieve for a moment, but move on. A weak person would dwell in it."

Tobias leans his face down and places a soft kiss on my forehead. "_You Tris_, I believe that you _are strong_. Right here..." he places a hand on the left side of my chest. "Right here in your heart. I know that you're strong and brave. You're dauntless." He smiles. "Just like Orion."

I want to smile too. But I can't- won't. I know that I'm breaking down and I know damn well that I must not allow myself to be screwed-up forever. But I do not want to- right now, I do not want to be cheered up because I find myself inspired by Tobias's words. I do not want to be happy because it was him who told me to. I do not want to let myself be easily affected by Tobias all over again. Pulling myself out of the water once was already hard- I'm not sure if I can endure the tiding waves again...

I push myself away from Tobias's arms and turn my attention to Matt; who, I have just realised, have been trying to capture my attention for a while.

"There's something else which we need to tell you."

I furrow my eyebrows and feel my heart preparing itself for a marathon. _It's nothing bad is it? _

"Firstly, I need to tell you that you are a longer under anyone's property. Not Jeanine Matthews, not David, not Marcus. But, you are under _my _guidance."

"What?!" I stare blankly at him. "Why?"

"Yes, I know." Matt starts. "What the hell am I talking about, but listen out alright?"

I nod waringly at Matt and wait for him to continue.

"Al spilled the story of your life to the officers during his arrest as they questioned about how you ended up as his victim. Hence, they investigated that hell of an orphanage you were from, questioned Jeanine, searched his office and found her guilty for human trafficking and a hell lot of other things.

So when the police officers found out that you were sold to David by Jeanine, they questioned David. That is when he confessed for not only being involved with Jeanine's 'business', but also for burning that house down out of jealousy and bribery from Jeanine."

"Jealousy?" I can't help asking.

"Yes, jealousy. He was in love with mom, but she didn't end up with him. He accepted Jeanine's offer which was to set the house ablaze at some certain time and he'll be rewarded with mom and some money.

So anyway, he was found guilty and was about to be taken to some prison somewhere far away. However, he pleaded to the police to allow him to seek forgiveness from you before they store him somewhere far away."

"Why?" I spit out. "Why is it that he is suddenly begging for me to forgive him?"

"You make him feel guilty. You remind him of mom. You look identical to her. And as you know, he loved her... a lot."

"Hold it, I am getting confused here. You mean, I look like your mother or?" I ask Matt... to which he sighs.

"_If_ you still haven't figured it out, I am Caleb and that is the reason you're coming to stay with us."

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><p><strong>AN: One more chapter to go...**


	35. Chapter 34: Sweet Pea

**A/N: So firstly, as we all know, this will be the last and final most chapter of Acacia. However, I would be posting a very important author's note tomorrow or in a few hours which I really wish you guys would read because it is about the epilogue (or maybe sequel or part two) of this story because there are seriously lots of loose ends which I need to tie up.**

**Secondly, there's some things from last chapter which I need to clear out.**

**1) Matt is Dr. Greene and is also Caleb.**

**2) David is the step-father of Caleb and Hannah.**

**3) arpsrox: I've never thought of what Tobias would have felt and your thoughts are very funny and totally spot on.**

**4) Guest: I deeply apologise if my writing for the previous chapter was very bad and like a soap opera and I'll try to improve it.**

**5) Guest: I am so very honoured to be the one to give you the best birthday gift ever and I wish that I could still wish you a belated birthday wish. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!**

**And lastly, I'd like to thank you guys so, so much for sticking with this story with me because it totally means so much to me. I really didn't expect to get this much readers and supports. It's really, really great to have you guys and I especially appreciate and love all the feedback I've been receiving. Lot's of loves to you guys ! ^^**

**So hear we go...**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.<strong>

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><p>The tattered black luggage lies open on my bed. A few grey dresses neatly placed inside it.<p>

I'm leaving.

It hurts too much for it to be exciting.

It should be exciting, I suppose. Finally reuniting with my family. Except for mum and dad...

I don't understand why. I've come to accept the fact that they were dead. But now, suddenly, after finding out that Caleb and Hannah are alive, I have the slightest hope that they aren't. It feels as if, if I try hard enough, I will find them.

But they're dead. I caused my own father's death. He died right in front of my eyes.

And Hannah killed mom in that car crash...

"Bea?"

Caleb stands under my doorway before finding himself sitting on my bed.

"You're good?" He asks.

I'm not sure if I should answer a yes or a no. Honestly, I don't think I am. The load of information I just received haven't properly registered into my brain. It is still hard for me to imagine that this man in front of me is the same person who whined over the fact that Hannah and I gets an extra scoop of ice-cream.

I should have seen it. His looks, he is the epitome copy cat of dad. His voice, the way he moves, the way he acts. Just... a little bit more serious. Dad took life in a lighter way. I guess that is what losing half of your family at a young age does to you.

"I'm not sure." I finally whisper.

Caleb sighs and looks down. "It was his doing. David was the one who helped you."

I stare blankly at him. "Help with?"

"David he... He tricked Jeanine into buying you from her. After mom's death, he started to regret all of his past doing. He knows how much pain he inflicted to mom by separating us. He just... didn't have the heart to tell her. He loves her too much to do so.

But when she died, he felt guilty. She died thinking that David is a nice man. Thinking that David had saved her, us."

Caleb pauses as he pats the space beside him. Asking me to sit down.

"After her death, David confessed to us. He told us the whole story- all of it. From the time when they were childhood friends and how he fell in love with her, but realising the look in her eyes every time she looks at dad.

Hannah didn't take it so well. I think she was warded in the hospital for a week because of hypertension. It was around that time when David started to trace your location. He knows that you're kept somewhere in the orphanage. He just wasn't sure which girl is you.

It didn't take him long though. After going through the profiles of the girls there, he immediately recognise the face which looks identical to his childhood friend.

From there, he came out with various ways of getting you out of that orphanage and reunite you with us. He had to be subtle though. Jeanine would find it suspicious for him to try to get you out. Eventually, he managed to convince Jeanine that she really won't want to keep "the bloody daughter of the bitch" in her orphanage."

"He called mom a what?!" I ask in shock and anger.

"That was just to play with her emotions you silly." Caleb scolds back.

It feels funny, yet weird; having this brother and sister relationship with a brother who, in your mind, is still and eleven year old boy.

I guess he froze at that age in my heart...

"At first, Jeanine wanted to keep you in. Torture you in her hell until you break as an act of vengeance towards mom. But she eventually gave in if he agrees to give me up to her."

"What does she wants to do with you?"

"I'm an asset. I have brains, I'm a doctor. I can help her revive her science research institute. And I look like dad. It's creepy when you think of it because it is as if she wants me because I look like her lover... But I guess, that's why I somehow ended up being mom's favourite. I remind her of dad."

I nod, because I have nothing else to say. But I don't make a move to end our conversation because I need someone to talk to. The thought, the disturbing thought is lingering and floating in my mind. But every time I open my mouth to say it out, it just hangs right there.

"You don't want to leave Tobias do you?"

I sigh. "No. I don't"

"It hurts doesn't it? Leaving your lover because you know that things might never be the same again, but you really have to learn to move on. You can't let the little moments in life stop you. You mustn't be afraid to let go. If there's fate, you guys will meet each other again. And all will be fine. Believe in fate, Bea."

"It's not that easy..."

"Bea, you're not going to leave him forever. You're just moving to the other side of the town..."

I scoff. "Yeah, and the other side of the town is so close right?" I ask him sarcastically.

"Bea..."

"No. He's leaving for Princeton then god knows where he might end up once he graduates and I... I feel as if, if I leave this house or like... I mean... he has a whole group of friends right there and I was just there during a short span of like three or four weeks. He's going to forget all about me and I... it feels so... I thought that if I distance myself from him I'll be able to forget and live without him easily. But... he just won't leave my mind and it's so... infuriating!"

Caleb ruffles his hair in agony before huffing out a breath.

"I think... I think I..." I start- try to tell Caleb that one thing which I've never been able to let out of my chest. "I think I... I think I might have fallen for him..."

Caleb scoffs at me. "You think?" He asks with a hard look. "I _know_. I _know _that you _love _him. It's obvious from the way you guys look at each other. Both of you are madly in love yet too coward to tell the other how you feel."

"It still hurts Caleb."

"I know that it hurts." He whispers. "I've lost two people who I've loved that way. One because of the fire, the other because she was jealous over the fact that I love Hannah more than her... and she asked me to choose between Hannah or her... and I picked Hannah."

"Susan... The girl you had to leave because of the fire was Susan right?"

Caleb smiles longingly. "It was a puppy love but still... it was love."

The silence lingers around us again as I nod. "Love is a powerful word isn't it?"

All he did was sigh.

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><p>The blue beanie stares at me, waiting anxiously as I decide its fate. <em>Should I wear it?<em> _Should I keep it? Should I return it to Tobias?_...

"Tris?" Shauna- Hannah asks from the door. "It's time to leave." She informs.

I nod to her and tell her that I'll be there shortly before glancing back towards the beanie in my hand.

"That's Tobias's isn't it?"

"Yup." I say before placing the beanie amongst the bouquet of Acacias- the wilted Acacias...

Pulling up the handle of my luggage, I wheel it with me as I leave the room which I have called mine for four weeks. The image of the beanie and "The Secret Love Letters" laying on top of the bouquets of Acacias swims into my eyes. Hooked underneath the basket of gifts which Tobias had given me and tied to a full-bloomed sweet pea is a note; hoping itself to reach the person I addressed it to... Tobias.

A pang of ache hits my chest as I notice that amongst the people waiting for me on the courtyard, the person who I need to say goodbye to the most is missing.

_Maybe it is better this way?..._

I hug Johanna a goodbye as she whispers a lot of thank yous for all the help I've contributed and a deep sorry for what happened to me because of her own gardener. Marcus pats me on the back and pledges that he will help me out whenever I need it.

"You've helped me redeem myself to my son." He says, his eyes brimmed with tears.

I've never realised that Marcus is really just as vulnerable as Tobias. Once he lets down his tough facade, he can easily be crying in your arms. And maybe that is why he abused Tobias when Tobias was younger; once something strikes him, he can no longer control his emotions. And because the both of them are desperate to show that they are strong and never weak, they refuse to acknowledge that they are breaking down deep inside and instead, choose to void themselves of all emotions; finding shouting, screaming, hitting to be the alternatives to crying or allowing someone to know why they are upset.

"There's really nothing I can do to repay you", he continues. "If there's anything, really, just give me a call and I'll do my best to help you."

"Thank you Marcus." I reply. "It was nothing really." I smile to him.

My heart drops when he smiles back to me. Up close like this, with his deep ocean blue eyes and dark brown shaggy hair- he looks exactly like Tobias. And I've missed that smile...

I give Marcus a tight hug before turning towards Caleb. Caleb takes the handle of my luggage from my hand and lifts it into the boot of his car.

I give the house one last glance before turning away and following Hannah into the car. Caleb jumps into the car and I pray that time can go slower. I really, really do not want to turn the pages and leave this chapter of my life.

But as the engine rumbles and the car jump starts, I know that it's time. It really is time to leave... to leave Tobias...

And I never get to say goodbye...

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><p><strong>Don't cry. Please don't cry, it's not the real end yet...<strong>

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><p><strong>THE SEQUEL HAS ARRIVED!<strong>

**Check my author's page to read the sequel, Arbutus.**

**P/S: Who knows what does Arbutus means?**

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><p><strong>BIIIIIIG thanks to all of you guys who have been staying with me since the very beginning. 182 followers, 130 favourites and 443 reviews are immense guys!<strong>

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><p><strong>Now I thought that I should reply to some of the reviews which I missed last time... <strong>**Not all the reviews appear here, yes. But I thought that I should reply to some of them :) Italic are the reviews and bold are me.**

_TobiasFourever 1430079113 . chapter 36_

_Pity ! Since I started reading Acacia , I look every day in my inbox waiting for a message that says " new chapter from Lynda Loyde , Acacia ." I have NEVER been so eager for a story from Allegiant ! I need to know what happens to Tobias and Tris...  
>I like your history, it has something special that makes it unique , it would be a beautiful book full of intrigue , doubts , friendship and romance ... everything you need ! I'm sorry if there are grammatical errors , I am French and write in English ... well ... it changes . ;) 4<em>

**THANK YOU SOOO MUCH! ^^ I'm really, really glad to know that you love my story. I'm still trying to improve and feel really nervous whenever I publish my new chapters. It makes me feel so happy when I get reviews like these. Really boosts up my self-confidence!**

**I'm English (not England English) learning French!**

**Merci beaucoup pour lisent mon story et espoir a bientot! (I am 100% sure that there are some grammar mistakes in that sentence XD)**

_fernandes3694 chapter 36 . Apr 27_

_You should have them meet up a few years later like they randomly run into each other. Like when Matt/Caleb said about fate, fate brought them together again._

**;)**

_Guest12345678910 chapter 36 . Jun 29_

_I was wondering, was there a reason that you made Christiana distant and not so close to Beatrice?_

**When I first wrote it, yes, there was a meaning as to why I made Christina so distant. But I sort of like lost the idea halfway through and it turned out awfully. Still, I am trying to recover it with the sequels and/or drabbbles (or anything of that sort). Christina is a very complex character that I would love to revisit :)**

_Someone the World Forgot chapter 36 . Apr 28_

_YASSS! a one-shot-ish to show what actually happened in the fire and stuff like that :)_

**I'm planning out a whole story for it already XD I'll only get to it after I finish this Acacia sequel though...**

_arpsrox  
>1430263638 . chapter 36<em>

_Is Night Changes named after the song? And I think you should do either a sequel or a part two where Tobias and Tris actually start dating._

**Yup, that's where Night Changes is coming from and you'll have to wait for the sequel to come out :K**

_Manasi chapter 36 . 9h ago_

_Hey. I'm still glad that you updated even if its after months. Its ok that you have a life and are busy. I know from your tumblr account that photography is your other passion. Your good at other stuff too.  
>But I have to say, I'm in love with this story and all of us deserve a real ending and know what happens with them. I'll keep checking for an update, however long it takes.<em>

**XOXO**

_Marine Dolfin chapter 36 . Aug 19_

_Please don't give up on this story! It's really fun to read and I hope you don't just end it. (There's still 176 people following.) But since it has been a long time, it might be helpful to provide a summary or something because I don't know how many people would want to reread the story. (I will be, though...)_

**That's a nice idea, thanks. I'll see what I can do :)**

_rwtd chapter 36 . Aug 19_

_Hi it's me - run with the doctor, we've spoken before - I can't be bothered logging in :P_

_Please don't end the story! I'm always on the edge of my seat waiting to hear from that you've updated the next chapter! This is one of my favourite AU fics in the world of Divergent!_

_I've said what I came to say and now I can only beg you - please don't end it!_

_- rwtd_

**Yeah, I remember you very well :)**

**Not ending it thanks to you guys! :***

_Manasi chapter 36 . 13h ago_

_Omg omg omg. I am so glad your actually considering writing a sequel rather than give this story with an epilogue. There are a lot of loose ends to this story as you said and I'm dying to know your explanation to those. And a leap on few years sounds like a great idea :)  
>Anyway yay on the sequel. Waiting eagerly! :D<em>

**Yay! Glad to know you love my idea! Thanks soooo much again for staying with me :)**

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><p><strong>Huge love to Oneta, Mercy, Thea and Kat who have been supporting me since the very beginning and some since even before I started writing. To my sister, thank you for scaring the life out of me and making me dead nervous everytime you *purposely* announce that you are reading my new chapters but still giving me very wise words. And a big shout-out to all of you loyal readers of mine! This story wouldn't have been a hit without you guys so, a MASSIVE THANK YOU GUYS!<strong>


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